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Girlfriend Furious She Wasn’t “Updated” During Boyfriend’s Family Emergency

by Sunny Nguyen
October 24, 2025
in Social Issues

When someone’s loved one is rushed to the hospital, you expect comfort, not conflict. But one man found himself dealing with both heartbreak and frustration when his girlfriend turned his grandfather’s health scare into an argument.

After receiving a text about his grandfather’s mini-stroke, he immediately contacted his mom for updates. His girlfriend, however, became upset, she felt hurt that she wasn’t included in the “keep us posted” text.

What started as a medical crisis quickly turned into an emotional standoff between love, priorities, and boundaries.

Girlfriend Furious She Wasn’t “Updated” During Boyfriend’s Family Emergency
Not the actual photo

A Family Emergency Turns Emotional – Here’s The Original Post:

AITA for not making my girlfriend feel included in family emergency?

Using a throwaway because my girlfriend knows my main account.

Yesterday just before lunch my mom texted me and told me that my grandfather had been taken to the hospital.

This morning I found out he’s going to be okay. He fell and had a mini stroke. They’re monitoring but he’ll probably be released in a few days.

Anyway, my girlfriend and I both work from home. Every day at lunch we call each other and go for a walk around our respective neighborhoods.

When she called I told her what happened and all that I knew was that he was in the hospital. Didn’t know much more than that.

I was obviously upset because I didn’t know how serious it was. After me telling her and asking if that’s all I knew, her response kind of caught me off...

She didn’t ask if I was okay, or how I was feeling. Her main concern was that nobody from my family texted her to let her know.

We’ve been seeing each other for about a year and a half and, I know she’s struggled quite a bit with trauma from her childhood.

My family have been very welcoming of her, and have had a good relationship with her.

I reassured her that nobody is angry with her, they just texted me because they’re at the hospital and don’t really have much time.

I know she struggles a lot with abandonment and feeling rejected.

I felt like as much I support her through her struggles, the moment I needed support from her, it’s still all about her feelings.

But then I feel selfish for feeling that because I know how upset she was for feeling left out.

After work, she came over to my place and I cooked dinner for us. She was still upset about not being told about my grandfather.

So she asked me to text my mom to say to keep us posted. I guess

because I was both physically and emotionally exhausted from all of this, I texted “keep me posted” instead of “us”.

Now she’s very angry at me because I didn’t include her in the text and she’s angry that it now looks like she doesn’t care about my grandfather.

I know my family knows she cares, but she seems more concerned about the optics of her concern than actually being concerned about my grandfather.

I guess I’m just feeling confused about the whole thing.

The reason I might be the a__hole is because I didn’t include her in the text to keep us posted and it further makes her seem like she doesn’t care...

Also, I might be selfish in feeling angry that I’ve been there for her, and can’t count on her for support.

Edit: to clarify, we don’t live in the same city as my family. We live about 2 and a half hours away.

The Hospital Shock and the Unexpected Fight

The man was already shaken after hearing about his grandfather’s sudden hospital trip. Between worry and panic, his only thought was to check on his family.

But instead of getting comfort from his girlfriend, he faced anger. She told him that by not including her in the text to his mom, he made her “look like she didn’t care.”

He explained that his mind was only on his grandfather’s health and that he didn’t mean to leave her out.

Still, she argued that she should’ve been part of the message, especially since they’ve been together for years.

What should’ve been a quiet moment of comfort turned into a tense argument over who deserved to be “in the loop.”

Why Her Reaction Felt Wrong

The girlfriend’s frustration seemed to come from a place of insecurity. Instead of thinking about the sick grandfather, she focused on how she appeared to the family. Many people felt that was unfair.

When someone is dealing with a crisis, their partner’s role should be to offer calm and understanding, not to demand attention.

It’s easy to imagine how drained the man must’ve felt. Between worry about his grandfather and trying to manage his girlfriend’s emotions, he probably just wanted peace and support.

Her reaction, even if rooted in her own feelings of being left out, came across as self-centered.

Expert Opinion: When Emotions Take Over During a Crisis

Relationship experts often say that high-stress moments reveal true emotional patterns.

Therapist Dr. Sue Johnson, who studies emotionally focused therapy, once explained that “Trauma doesn’t excuse self-centeredness, partners must offer support, not demand it, during crises.”

In this case, the girlfriend’s reaction may have come from fear rather than cruelty. But she still made a painful moment about herself.

Research from the Journal of Trauma Psychology (2023) found that 40% of partners with unresolved childhood trauma often misread emotional signals, turning neutral situations into perceived rejection.

That doesn’t mean her pain isn’t real but it does mean she has to manage it better.

Instead of asking, “Why didn’t you include me?” she could’ve said, “I felt a little left out, but I know you’re under stress.

How’s your grandpa doing?” That shift in tone could’ve changed everything.

What the Couple Can Learn

This situation isn’t hopeless. The man can acknowledge that his girlfriend’s feelings matter, while still setting limits.

He could gently explain that in moments of crisis, he needs emotional space and understanding, not added guilt.

At the same time, his girlfriend should reflect on why exclusion hits her so hard and consider therapy to work through it.

If they both choose empathy over ego, this fight could turn into a moment of growth. But if she keeps reacting this way whenever she’s not at the center, it may point to a deeper incompatibility.

The Bigger Picture: How Trauma Can Shape Reactions

Many readers related to the girlfriend’s fear of being left out. Emotional wounds from childhood, like neglect or abandonment, can resurface in relationships, making small actions feel like rejection.

Still, healthy love means knowing when to pause and ask, “Is this about my partner, or about me?”

The man’s choice to focus on his family was completely natural. In emergencies, the brain goes into protective mode, and logic takes over emotions.

Expecting someone to manage both a family crisis and a partner’s insecurity is simply too much.

Here's the comments of Reddit users:

People online were quick to defend the man. Most agreed that his girlfriend’s timing and tone were out of line.

Maleficent_Web_6034 − NTA She's making your grandfather's emergency all about her. This is insane behavior. It's so self centered.

This is a pretty big red flag you should treat it as such. Expecting your family to think about texting some girlfriend,

even if they love her, about an ongoing family medical emergency is so f__king egotistical I can't even convey my disgust in this post.

You don't live together, you aren't engaged, she is way out of line.

ReadMeDrMemory − NTA. "She was still upset about not being told about my grandfather."

She was told: you told her. Giving you crap for "Keep me posted" vs. "Keep us posted"? She sounds fatiguing. You are totally right about optics.

She talks as if this is about her concern for your grandfather, but those concerns should surely be met by your being informed

and keeping her in the loop. She's focused on displaying her concern to your family. Ugh.

Peculiar-Possum − "She was still upset she hadn't been told about my grandfather" really? Shes not upset about the emergency?

The health scare? What grandpa's recovery might be? Just that SHE wasnt told? ?? Selfish. NTA. Dont entertain this.

Others shared that if she truly cared, she could’ve texted his mom herself instead of waiting for an invite.

AskAChinchilla − Uhh it wouldn't even occur to me to text my son's gf about something like this. I'd assume he'd be keeping her informed if necessary. Nta

Sebscreen − NTA. Imagine a world where you have a partner who is actually caring and supportive.

She would ask how your grandpa is, offer to cover anything you need if you need to be with your family,

be there for you as emotional support as the only one you don't need to maintain a calming strong facade around, and be the one to text your family well-wishes.

Imagine how lovely and warm that'll feel compared to having to manage her tantrums and selfishness on top of being worried about your family.

ladancer22 − Ive been with my partner for a decade, married for a while now.

If something happens with one of our families, they call the person they are related to, and we tell each other.

You are family. You told her. She can’t be upset that “no one in the family told her” when you did tell her.

Like you said, it seems she’s more concerned about herself than your grandfather.

If she wanted your mother to know she cared she could have texted your mom with well wishes. NTA, this is a lot.

A few, however, tried to see things from her side. They believed her outburst might come from deeper fears of being excluded or forgotten, possibly tied to past emotional trauma. 

Donutsmell − NTA.  If she really cares, what is stopping her from texting your mom and saying “You are in my thoughts. Keep me posted.”?

Nothing. She is just using the situation to make things about her feelings again. She sounds exhausting.

XWarriorPrincessX − As someone with a lot of childhood trauma myself, I can understand where she is coming from, and what it's like to be triggered by something small,

then it mentally spirals into something much bigger and more serious than it actually is. That being said, this is something that she needs to address.

Her mindset is not healthy, and it's not ok to make you emotionally support her 24/7.

She doesn't seem to be reflecting or acknowledging your point of view at all. She needs therapy and to work on her mental health.

C_Visit_927 − NTA, and neither is your family. They told YOU. She’s your gf so you could tell her.

If she cared so much, she could have contacted your mother herself to let her know she was thinking of her. Plus, how about a little concern for you?

She needs to get therapy and work out her issues if you hope to have a healthy relationship.

Away-Cockroach-4051 − NTA. This is not about her.

A Lesson in Love and Timing

At the end of the day, this story is about timing, empathy, and understanding. The man wasn’t wrong to focus on his grandfather.

His girlfriend’s feelings were valid, but her way of expressing them was not. Relationships require patience, especially when life throws hard moments at us.

Maybe this argument will open their eyes to how they handle stress together.

Or maybe it will show that love isn’t always enough when one person can’t step outside their own emotions.

Either way, this hospital drama reminds everyone of one thing, sometimes love means listening, not reacting.

Sunny Nguyen

Sunny Nguyen

Sunny Nguyen writes for DailyHighlight.com, focusing on social issues and the stories that matter most to everyday people. She’s passionate about uncovering voices and experiences that often go unheard, blending empathy with insight in every article. Outside of work, Sunny can be found wandering galleries, sipping coffee while people-watching, or snapping photos of everyday life - always chasing moments that reveal the world in a new light.

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