He Refuses to Fund College for a Child He Was “Conned” Into Caring For

A father thought he had finally moved past the pain of his ex-wife’s infidelity. He had remarried, built a new life, and was happily funding his biological sons and his stepdaughter through college.

But a casual social media post about his financial relief blew the lid off the past. His ex-wife saw the post and immediately demanded he pay for the college tuition of the daughter born from her affair.

The father’s refusal triggered a brutal confrontation, forcing him to tell the 18-year-old the harsh truth that he was not her father and wasn’t obligated to fund her future. The truth proved far more complicated than anyone expected.

Now, read the full story:

This situation is a devastating testament to the long-term emotional and financial damage caused by marital betrayal. The father, OP, was betrayed 16 years ago, forced to pay child support, and tried to manage his trauma by establishing an emotionally distant boundary with Sophie.

But his ex-wife systematically undermined that boundary for years, using Sophie as an emotional tool. By telling Sophie that if she was “good,” OP would finally see her as a daughter, the ex-wife created a time bomb. OP’s social media post was simply the spark that ignited the explosion of Sophie’s teenage heartbreak.

The fact that OP was conned out of 16 years of child support and emotional investment only to have his ex try to con him out of college tuition is an astonishing level of financial entitlement.

The ex-wife’s demand for college funding is an attempt to sustain the financial lie she started almost two decades ago. Her core argument is that OP pays for his stepdaughter Katie, so he should pay for Sophie. This completely ignores the difference between a willful, informed choice (Katie) and financial coercion (Sophie).

The financial burden of being defrauded for 16 years is astronomical, but the emotional cost is often worse. Dr. Josh Klapow, a clinical psychologist, noted that betrayal involving children “causes a deep wound that often manifests as chronic resentment and distrust, making it difficult to maintain functional emotional boundaries with the child involved, regardless of the child’s innocence.” 

The most damning realization in the update is that OP is still legally related to Sophie, just not as her father. This strongly suggests the ex-wife did not have a “one-night stand,” but cheated with a relative of OP’s, an additional layer of betrayal that explains why she was so desperate to conceal the truth and maintain the child support payments. Her entire scheme was about retaining OP’s money, not about Sophie’s well-being.

OP’s refusal to pay for college is entirely justified, but his realization that he has a direct, if unintended, impact on Sophie’s mental health is a critical step toward healing. She desperately needs the emotional clarity her mother denied her.

Check out how the community responded:

The vast majority of commenters firmly ruled NTA, condemning the ex-wife for her manipulative behavior and financial entitlement.

A second group of users acknowledged OP’s justified anger but pointed out that his emotional distance negatively affected Sophie, who is the real victim of the infidelity.

Finally, some users praised OP for taking in Sophie after his ex-wife kicked her out, and many users focused on the shocking DNA results.

The situation has shifted dramatically now that Sophie is living with OP and the DNA test confirmed his ex-wife lied about the identity of the bio-father. OP needs to prioritize his own mental health, as he is currently re-traumatized. He is not obligated to pay for college, but he now has a moral obligation to give Sophie the truth her mother denied her.

Do you think OP should pursue legal action against his ex-wife for the years of fraudulent child support, especially given the new DNA revelation?