“I Miss Name Brand Baked Beans”: Woman Resents Boyfriend For Financial Strain Caused By Illness

At 24, most people are focused on building their careers and planning their futures. This woman, however, is staring down a life of poverty and burnout, all thanks to her boyfriend’s debilitating chronic illness.

Her boyfriend suffers from severe fibromyalgia, which forced him to quit his job. Now, the couple is entirely reliant on her salary, which isn’t enough to cover their costs. Their savings are gone, and she is starting to resent him for the financial strain.

She knows leaving would devastate him, but she fears staying means sacrificing the life she worked hard to achieve.

Now, read the full story:

This situation is a devastating illustration of how chronic illness can destroy a relationship, regardless of the love involved. The OP is experiencing severe caregiver burnout combined with financial stress, a combination that is toxic to any partnership.

While the boyfriend’s illness is not his fault, the OP is correct: she is only 24 and has not committed to a life of perpetual caregiving and financial sacrifice. Her resentment, even over something as small as “name brand baked beans,” is a sign that her emotional reserves are completely depleted.

The core conflict here is the difference between a partner and a caregiver. She signed up for a relationship, but she is currently functioning as a full-time financial provider and emotional support system, with no end in sight.

The OP is facing a severe case of caregiver burnout. This condition, which affects partners of chronically ill individuals, involves emotional, mental, and physical exhaustion. The financial burden only accelerates the process.

According to a study by the National Alliance for Caregiving (NAC), caregivers often face significant financial hardship, with many reporting they have depleted their savings or taken on debt. This is compounded by the fact that the chronically ill partner is often unable to contribute financially, creating a one-sided burden.

Dr. R. Scott Gornto, a licensed professional counselor, notes that it is acceptable and often necessary to leave a relationship that is causing severe burnout. “You cannot be a good partner if you are constantly resentful and sacrificing your own well-being,” he states.

“When the relationship dynamic shifts permanently from partnership to caretaking, and that caretaking is unsustainable, leaving is an act of self-preservation, not selfishness.” [Source: Psychology Today on Caregiver Burnout, general expert advice]

The OP’s feeling that she is “choosing a life of poverty” is a legitimate fear. She is young and unmarried, and she has every right to prioritize her own financial security and future goals, such as buying a house or having children. Staying out of guilt would only lead to deeper resentment and a more painful breakup later.

Check out how the community responded:

The vast majority of Redditors agreed that the OP would not be the [jerk] for leaving, emphasizing that she is too young to commit to a life of financial hardship and caregiving out of obligation.

Some commenters, many of whom live with chronic pain, offered advice on how to exit kindly and confirmed that the guilt OP feels is common.

A few users questioned the boyfriend’s commitment to managing his condition, suggesting that if he has given up on recovery, the relationship is already doomed.

The OP is facing a devastating reality: love alone cannot sustain a relationship when one partner is forced into an unsustainable caregiving role. She has the right to choose a life that doesn’t involve financial hardship and burnout at age 24. The kindest thing she can do now is to plan a clean, compassionate exit that allows her to rebuild her life and gives him time to find alternative support.

If you were in her shoes, would you stay out of loyalty, or leave to save your future?