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Roommate Tries To Freeload A Boyfriend Into The House, The Gaslighting Is Intense

by Sunny Nguyen
November 7, 2025
in Social Issues

What started as a simple roommate request quickly spiraled into a gaslighting nightmare for one Redditor. Her roommate and the boyfriend want him to move into their shared house for the final six months of the lease.

The catch? They expect him to live rent-free, only covering a small portion of the bills. When the Original Poster (OP) reasonably requested he pay one-third of the rent, she was met with a shocking, manipulative response.

They accused her of being a hypocrite, greedy, and even suggested she was “going through something mentally” and needed to “get better soon.”

Now, read the full story:

Roommate Tries To Freeload A Boyfriend Into The House, The Gaslighting Is Intense
Not the actual photo

AITA for telling my roommate that if she wants her boyfriend to move into our shared house that he should pay one third of the rent?

My roommate (24F) and I (25F) moved into a house together several months ago and up until now everything has been completely fine.

She's been with her boyfriend (28/29M) for a year or two and initially they were going to move in together but he changed his mind at the last minute.

They've now decided that they want him to move into our shared house for the remaining 6 months of our tenancy, but they don't think it's fair to have him...

All they've offered is for him to cover his share of the bills for water/electric/council tax etc. He'll be the one mostly

responsible for driving those bills up as he'll be spending more time there working from home than me and my roommate.

For context, our rent is £1000 split between us and the bills are only around £300 total, so he would be paying £100 of our total £1300 rent/bills.

His job also involves constant loud calls, so I'd struggle working from home at the same time due to the noise.

He would be sharing a bedroom with her and there is a spare smaller bedroom, currently used as a dressing room, that was offered for him to use as his...

When I said that I would be fine with him moving in on the condition he pays one third of the rent, both my roommate

and her boyfriend have become very standoffish and have sent me messages where they've essentially said:

I'm a hypocrite because I lived at my aunties house during COVID lockdown rent free (when my plans to move in somewhere fell through on the day, with all of...

I spend a lot of time at my boyfriends anyway so why do I even care if he moves in?

I've personally affronted them by suggesting that he pays a third of the rent.

made me out to be greedy and putting money above my friendship with both of them.

the weirdest part is they both have this stance of suggesting that I'm "going through something mentally" and that by doing this

I'm pushing them and all my friends away? they've also both condescendingly wished me luck in getting through whatever I'm going through and hoping I get better soon.

I've offered to vacate my part of the tenancy so he can move in with her and I can move in with my boyfriend but they're not interested in that...

even though that way they both get to live together and I can remove myself from this situation that has gotten very uncomfortable.

Another important note is that the boyfriend has a very well paying job, and is from a wealthy family and is in no way struggling financially.

If he were to move in I'd be earning the least out of everyone there. Even if he were to move in and pay 1/3 of the rent,

he would still be paying less than he did for his previous house, and more than likely less than any other place he could find in the area we live....

Wow. This story is chilling. The speed at which the roommate and her boyfriend turned on the original poster (OP) is staggering. This isn’t a simple disagreement about money. This is a 2-on-1 psychological attack.

The boyfriend’s refusal of the spare office is a huge red flag. He doesn’t just want a place to live. He wants to take over her space (the shared space) with his loud calls, making it unlivable for her. The accusations about her mental health are a classic, nasty manipulation tactic.

The core issue here is a textbook case of gaslighting. The roommate and her boyfriend are trying to make the OP feel crazy and “greedy” for stating a perfectly normal boundary. They want to make her so uncomfortable that she just gives in.

This kind of financial dispute is incredibly common. A 2023 survey from Forbes Advisor revealed that 43% of renters have dealt with a roommate who didn’t pay their share of rent or bills. The OP is not alone.

This situation goes beyond just late rent. The OP’s roommate and boyfriend are using a manipulation strategy designed to make her doubt her own sanity for a simple, logical request.

According to VeryWell Mind, gaslighting is a “form of psychological manipulation where a person tries to make someone else question their own reality, memory, or sanity.” This is exactly what they’re doing by saying she’s “going through something mentally.”

This tactic is designed to gain control. As VeryWell Mind also notes, “The person being gaslit often feels confused, anxious, and unable to trust themselves.” The roommate and her boyfriend want to confuse the OP so she’ll back down and agree to subsidize the boyfriend’s life.

The OP’s offer to move out was a smart power move. Their refusal speaks volumes. They don’t just want to live together. They want to do it cheaply, at her expense. This isn’t a friendship. It’s a financial calculation.

Check out how the community responded:

The Reddit community was unanimous, declaring the OP completely in the right and identifying the manipulation.

ElishaAlison - Oh no honey, NTA Some serious manipulation going on here. They're basically trying to

emotionally blackmail you into letting this happen, by saying your "mental health" is the reason you said no 😳

RogueDIL - They’re accusing you of exactly what they are doing. You should be the one affronted that they are planning to move him in

and not pay his equal share and they are being greedy in expecting you to subsidize his cost of living and damaging their friendship with you. NTA. Hold your ground.

drdoggiemom - NTA. Permanently residing with you will be inconvenient and raise costs. You living rent free at your aunt’s place

is not comparable because the people who lived there AGREED to have you there without asking you to pay. Saying you should cope

by spending time at your boyfriend’s is rude because you’ll still be paying her boyfriend’s way. On top of that they’re gaslighting you. NOPE.

Many users pointed out the obvious freeloading and the manipulative hypocrisy.

[Reddit User] - Lol NTA; they are trying to screw you over and freeload. Move with your boyfriend

axley58678 - NTA. They are trying to take advantage of you. Insist he pays rent or insist that you should move out and they can pay the full rent.

They are avoiding every reasonable solution to this so it’s a fact that they just want to take advantage of you for cheap rent as long as they can.

criticalthoughtguy - NTA. Your home is not a homeless shelter. Tenants pay rent.

prairiemountainzen - NTA. Maybe tell them that you like their idea of someone being able to live in the house as a roommate without having to pay rent

so much that you are going to do this yourself, and from now on, you will only be pitching in a few bucks here and there for utilities. I'm sure...

Redditors provided the logical split for rent and utilities.

Maurakutney - The monthly bills should be split three ways and you should be paying 1/3. Your roommate and her boyfriend

should be paying the remaining 2/3. If the roommate does not want to bill her boyfriend then she should pay his share.

mdthomas - If he would have access to the house 24/7 during those 6 months, then he needs to pay rent.

Thats what rent is for. You pay the landlord so thst you have access to the property. NTA

How to Navigate a Situation Like This

When dealing with a manipulative situation like this, your strength lies in your calm resolve and your willingness to use legal resources.

First, check your lease. Most leases for two-person occupancy explicitly forbid a third resident without the landlord’s permission. Contact your landlord immediately (in writing) and state that your roommate intends to move her boyfriend in without permission and without his name on the lease. This transfers the pressure to them.

Second, do not engage with the mental health comments. When they say you’re “going through something,” simply reply, “My decision is based on the math, the cost of living, and the terms of our lease. It is not up for discussion.”

Third, insist on a written agreement. If the landlord agrees to the third person, you must have a legal, signed document that clearly states the new three-way split of rent and bills. Do not rely on verbal promises.

Your offer to move out was fair and should be presented to the landlord as the only viable option if they refuse the one-third rent split. You need to protect yourself from a miserable, subsidized six months.

The Lesson Learned

The OP found out the hard way that when a substantial amount of money is on the line, people will drop all pretense of friendship. She made a perfectly fair and logical request. Their reaction to her request was to try and tear down her character. She needs to stand firm, trust her judgment, and secure her own living situation, regardless of how “affronted” her now-former friends feel.

What do you think? Should the OP push to move out, or should she dig in and force the one-third rent split? What is the most shocking part of the roommate’s manipulative response?

Sunny Nguyen

Sunny Nguyen

Sunny Nguyen writes for DailyHighlight.com, focusing on social issues and the stories that matter most to everyday people. She’s passionate about uncovering voices and experiences that often go unheard, blending empathy with insight in every article. Outside of work, Sunny can be found wandering galleries, sipping coffee while people-watching, or snapping photos of everyday life - always chasing moments that reveal the world in a new light.

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