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Dad Is To Bail Daughter Committing Several Crimes, Mom Threatens To Leave, Family Peace Is At Stake

by Jeffrey Stone
December 3, 2025
in Social Issues

At a tense family dinner, a Redditor wrestled with a explosive secret: their dad plans to relocate their trouble-prone sister, whose rap sheet rivals a novel, 1,000 miles to live with them. Their mom threatens to leave if the plan proceeds.

Torn between loyalty, dread of a family collapse, and concern for their stepmom’s shaky mental health, the Redditor navigates a minefield of siblings, step-siblings, and tangled drama. The high-stakes clash of secrets and loyalty has users debating whether honesty will save the family or sink it deeper into chaos.

A Redditor faces family chaos as Dad plans to bail out their troublesome sister, risking Mom’s departure.

Dad Is To Bail Daughter Committing Several Crimes, Mom Threatens To Leave, Family Peace Is At Stake
Not the actual photo.

'WIBTA If I flat out told my dad that my mom would leave him if he did something he's planning to do?'

My sister (34f) is currently is prison for robbing several houses. Prior to this, she's caught charges for theft, drugs, assault, and prostitution.

She's always been a volatile, manipulative, lying thief. She's been well beyond disrespectful to my mother on numerous occasions

(she's our step-mom, but truthfully always been a mother to me, whereas the other is more like a defective incubator).

She's had 4 children; she was proven unfit and stripped of all parental rights to the first after some really messed up stuff and the state took the other 3.

So, basically, she followed by example and became just like the one referred to as defective incubator.

Her bail has been lowered to 1k, down from 20k over time. My dad wants to bail her out. He also wants to move her up here to live with...

My parents both do this horrible thing where they fail to properly communicate with each other, but tell me basically everything.

My mom told me she'll leave my dad if he brings her here... But I don't think she would be happy with me telling him this because it would come...

I have made it clear to my dad that he would be making a massive mistake,

telling him a lot of things that he didn't know that she (sister) has said and done.

I pointed out that she'd skip out on court (she didn't even bother showing up to court to so much as try to get visitation of her first child,

does that sound like she cares about anything but herself?) and he'd end up responsible for more. He's still pretty set in what he wants to do.

EDIT: I didn't expect so many responses. I appreciate the encouragement, but I think I may need to add a little more info here.

If it seems like I'm a bit more worried about my relationship with my mom than I am with confronting my dad on some things, it's because I am.

My mom suffers from depression and my dad isn't the most empathetic person, so things sometimes get a bit complicated.

In addition to this, 6 of my siblings are my dad's and he didn't raise any of us.

My younger sister and I came to live with him when we were 12 and 13; she went back to the defective incubator at 15

and I was kicked out at 16 for protesting her return (she had made actual attempts on my life).

I would like to point out that he has gotten a lot better about things over time. BUT.

My mom had to put her foot down on her daughter (my step sister) coming and going as she pleased.

She used them, robbed them, and otherwise carried on in horrible ways. And, funny enough, she also had 4 kids but had custody of none.

So, basically, my dad seems to be expecting my mom to "get over her concerns"

and allow this horrible human back into their lives, but wasn't flexible in regards to basically the exact same thing.

And my mom is dealing with a LOT more that isn't included in this post (not dad related); I'm legitimately afraid confrontation could put her over the edge.

WIBTA if I just flat out told my dad he'd lose the best thing he ever had (my mom) if he fell for false promises and brought this horrid human...

UPDATE: He bailed her out. I got my mom to tell him how she feels and he did it anyway. My family is about to implode.

This Redditor’s caught in a tug-of-war between a dad’s rose-tinted hopes and a mom’s fed-up resolve. The sister’s track record: skipping court, burning bridges, only screams trouble, yet Dad’s ready to roll out the welcome mat.

From one angle, his heart’s in the right place. Every parent dreams of saving their kid. But the Redditor’s warnings, backed by a laundry list of sisterly sins, paint a grim picture: bailing her out might just mean bailing on family peace.

Now, let’s zoom out. Family dynamics like this often hinge on guilt and hope clashing with reality. A 2021 study from the National Institute of Justice notes that recidivism rates for property crimes hover around 68% within three years, suggesting the sister’s unlikely to turn over a new leaf overnight.

Dad’s optimism might be less about her and more about easing his own regrets. After all, he didn’t raise most of his kids, including the Redditor.

On the flip side, Mom’s ultimatum isn’t just about self-preservation. She’s battled similar chaos with her own daughter, who also left a trail of betrayal. Her depression adds weight to her stance; another betrayal could be crushing.

Brené Brown, a renowned research professor and vulnerability expert, once said, “Trust is a product of vulnerability that grows over time and requires work, letting go, and getting uncomfortable”. Mom’s trust in Dad’s judgment is wobbling, and forcing the sister’s return could snap it.

This idea flips the script on trust as something effortless, revealing it as a deliberate garden that demands tending, especially when family history weeds in like weeds in a neglected yard.

Brown’s emphasis on vulnerability rings true here: Dad’s choice to bail out his daughter isn’t just logistics, it’s a leap into discomfort, testing the soil of his marriage.

For Mom, already navigating depression and echoes of her own daughter’s betrayals, this feels less like growth and more like a storm uprooting what’s left.

It’s a reminder that trust isn’t rebuilt in grand gestures but in those gritty, everyday commitments to show up for each other, even when the unknown looms large.

Zooming into the Redditor’s bind, this quote spotlights the exhaustion of being the bridge-builder. They’re the ones getting uncomfortable, voicing hard truths while dodging emotional landmines. Brown’s wisdom nudges toward a path forward: encourage that family huddle not as confrontation, but as a shared vulnerability exercise – airing fears without armor. It could transform the tension from a fracture point into fertile ground, where boundaries bloom alongside second chances.

After all, in families this tangled, letting go of old patterns might be the real bail-out they all need. Neutral move? Facilitate a family sit-down, laying cards on the table without ultimatums. It’s messy, but open communication might just save the day.

Check out how the community responded:

Some support OP for warning their dad about the risks of bailing out their sister.

meepmeepmeeppp − NTA. Not just for your mom’s sake, but for that of the entire family.

I get wanting to protect and take care of your children but you have to let them learn from their mistakes

and it seems like bailing your sister out would only lead to more problems.

FriendlyMum − NTA i think he needs to hear it. I also think he needs to discuss it with his wife rather than have you as the sounding board

Roughuup − NTA- Can you talk to Dad in a “best/worst case scenario” hypothetical?

“Hey Dad, what if you do bring Sister here, what’s the best and worst possible outcome?”

Then lead him down the road of ALL the possible negative outcomes, including Mom leaving and possible no contact with you or kids while she’s there, etc.

Some suggest OP facilitate open family communication to address the issue directly.

whitepawprint − NTA - would it be possible for you to initiate a conversation between them and mediate in the room, rather than passing messages back and forth?

Example, coming over to visit and while you're all sat down steering the conversation to "so I hear sis's bail has lowered, how do you guys feel about that?"

"I have a lot of concerns about her being released, what about you both?".

Generally taking a back seat in the conversation but asking questions when needed to move things along.

I understand they have a tough time communicating, but maybe you asking prompting questions in an open non confrontational way

could start the ball rolling for a conversation they've been trying to avoid? You're in a tough situation all around, best of luck!

bakasana-mama − NAH except the sister. Generally speaking it is always best to lay everything out on front of everyone at once.

Unfortunately it doesn't sound like communication is healthy in your family, you shouldn't be the go between in the middle of your parents relationship.

I would call a family meeting and try to facilitate some open communication.

"Dad, I know you really want to help sister but history tells us this will end badly."

"Mom I know you feel like tough love is called for and feel strongly that we shouldn't take responsibility for her, and frustrated that Dad isn't treating you like a...

I am frustrated because I am part of this family but as your child it is not my responsibility to maintain communication for you two.

If you bring her here we will all be impacted & we need to talk this through."

"Dad if you are going to go rogue and act alone you need to know you may truly be alone

because we don't want any part of what is about to happen and you don't seem to want to take us seriously.

Can we talk about trying to help sister in a way that doesn't put our entire family at risk?"

Others advise OP to set personal boundaries to protect their own family from the sister’s impact.

OldKnitwit − NTA - I'm saying that with a qualifier attached, if I'm allowed: You're not the mediator for your parents' marriage/relationship.

You shouldn't be, and they should start communicating better. From other comments you've made in this thread,

it sounds to me like they've been treating you like a mediator for many years, and that's completely unfair to you and to them - it's unhealthy.

What you, personally, can control, though, is how your relationship with your parents goes forward if your dad does go through with this.

To that end, you'd be justified in telling him ASAP that you will be finding different daycare (thus incurring £XXX per week costs),

will be stopping attending family events (if that's what you want to do), etc etc.

Basically, make a list of your OWN boundaries for when he goes through with his plan.

Your job is to protect your own nuclear family, not your dad, mum and sister.

Sure, your sister may be a changed woman, but one of your boundaries could be:

"When she's been clean for a year and not thieved anything for two years, etc, you'll consider letting her near your child".

I dunno, just brain-farting there, but you get the idea. Set your own boundaries and stick to them.

You can most definitely tell your father about those without being any kind of an a__hole.

Good luck, and don't let him make you feel like you're rocking the boat by setting your own boundaries.

He's the one rocking the boat by allowing your sister to live there, and expecting everyone else to sit still so that it doesn't tip over. Nopity nope.

92nd-Bakerstreet − Sounds like youre in quite a pickle. I think you should tell your mom how you feel about carrying this burden.

You should also tell her she should step up and start communicating clearly (let her say it to your dad) also, if she refuses, you should tell her you will.

You should also tell your dad you have no trust in your sister and giving her (another) opportunity, would ruin your life/lives.

Your sister is 34, she's no child. She ruined her relationship with her family and should stay away.

If she wants reparations, she should move close by, just not in your dads house.

Some see no fault in OP or their dad but question the sister’s reliability and logistics.

delboy6666 − NAH your dad wants to help out his daughter, your sister, whereas you want to make him aware of potential consequences.

I can’t see any reason not to tell him.

pearl_pluto − NTA. Also if this is in the US and she's out on bail would they even allow her to move 1000+ miles away?

Surely they'd want her to stay within the state for her trial?

rainfal − NTA. Why do people act like ultimations are some sort of huge relationship crime?

They aren't, personally I call them to be stating your boundaries. This is a necessary time for one.

This Redditor’s staring down a family fiasco that’d give reality TV a run for its money. With Dad doubling down despite Mom’s ultimatum, the update’s grim: sister’s bailed out, and the family’s on the brink.

Was Mom’s line in the sand fair, or did Dad’s loyalty to his daughter outweigh the risks? How would you navigate this mess without losing your cool or your family? Drop your thoughts below!

Jeffrey Stone

Jeffrey Stone

Jeffrey Stone is a valuable freelance writer at DAILY HIGHLIGHT. As a senior entertainment and news writer, Jarvis brings a wealth of expertise in the field, specifically focusing on the entertainment industry.

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