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Man Reveals To His Niece That Her Mother Tried To Give Her Away, Now His Family Is At War

by Layla Bui
November 20, 2025
in Social Issues

Family secrets, no matter how well-intentioned, always have a way of unraveling when least expected. For one Redditor, an argument with his sister led to an unexpected and painful revelation about their niece’s early years.

Raised by him and their mother due to his sister’s inability to care for her, his niece had no idea what had really happened. But when the truth came out, everything changed.

Now, his sister insists it was a mistake to bring it up, claiming that their niece will forget it over time. But he believes the truth couldn’t be hidden forever, and is torn between keeping the peace and doing what feels right. Should he have kept the secret or is telling the truth a necessity? Scroll down to read what the community has to say about this emotional family conflict.

A man reveals a painful family secret to his niece about her mother abandoning her as a baby, leading to conflict with his sister and mother

Man Reveals To His Niece That Her Mother Tried To Give Her Away, Now His Family Is At War
not the actual photo

'AITA For telling my Niece her mother tried to give her away as a baby?'

I (28 M) got into a huge argument with my sister (31 F) last week.

The argument had been simmering for a long time, as tension between us has been high for years.

When I was 17 my sister had an accidental pregnancy, and when she told her boyfriend he left her.

Due to our religious family she kept the baby, but once her daughter was born she panicked.

She didn’t want to go through the legal troubles of adoption, so she asked that me and our mother took care of her kid.

There was no legal custody, but it was an agreement made within the family.

I essentially raised my niece from birth until she was 3.

With help from my mother, as she was working to support the new edition to the family.

I dropped out of school and took care of her, fed her, changed her and taught her how to walk while my mom was away at work.

Then, my sister met her now husband, cleaned her life up and suddenly wanted her kid back.

No warning, she moves back to home says thanks and starts being a mother.

My niece is now eleven and doesn’t remember all I and her grandmother did.

It’s been a family agreement to forget this all happened until the argument.

My sister made a petty comment during a fight, where she implied since I lost my job recently I can’t handle responsibility.

I snapped and told her she was lucky her daughter was too young to remember how she abandoned her.

My niece overheard this, and now wants to know what I meant.

I outright said that her mother didn’t think she could raise her, and left her with me and grandma.

Now my sister says I traumatised her daughter, and my mom says I should have kept the secret like we agreed.

I think this secret couldn’t stay kept forever. Am I the a__hole?

Edit: hello, I’m here to give some more context and answer a bunch of the most common questions.

When the argument happened, I had put my niece to bed hours ago.

We were at my mother's house, and so no one knew she was going to come in.

Secondly, after my niece was born my sister moved states to get a job. Also, she was 20 and I was 17.

And finally, in the aftermath I said that we can’t go back now since my niece already overheard us all talking,

so as a group with her stepfather we should get together to explain it better.

But since the event (a week ago) my sister has been saying that we should blow over it and that my niece will forget if we don’t bring it up...

I’m frustrated at this, and at how she’s now slating me alongside my mother.

My mother believes I’m in the wrong for arguing with my sister in the first place,

whereas I say she has no right to criticise me for losing my job when I lost my education to caring for her child.

I’m trying to get in contact with my nieces stepfather to ask him for his opinion.

Edit 2: yes, I was asked by my mom to drop out of school and I did so. I didn’t go to college later.

I had no intention of hurting my niece, but she had already overheard what was said,

so I felt that keeping it from her now would just cause her confusion.

I’m now trying to backpedal the best I can with the families assistance, to be able to properly explain the situation to her.

But, my sister and my mother both want to just pretend this never happened and hope my niece forgets as she grows up.

Edit 3: I’m starting to wish I was clearer from the beginning.

I said I was 17 when my sister “had” the accidental pregnancy. I meant that I was 17 when the baby was born.

The OP in this situation is grappling with a deeply emotional issue involving his sister, niece, and mother. The conflict stems from a long-held family secret: the OP raised his niece from birth until she was 3 years old, as his sister was unable to care for her.

This arrangement was kept secret for years, but during a heated argument, the OP revealed the truth to his niece, who overheard the conversation and now wants answers about her early life.

The OP’s frustration is understandable. He took on a huge responsibility, raising his niece at the cost of his own education and career, and he clearly feels that his sacrifices have not been acknowledged. When his sister made a comment about his job loss, the OP lashed out, finally revealing the truth.

His feelings of betrayal and frustration are rooted in the fact that, for years, he quietly carried the emotional weight of raising his niece without receiving any support or recognition for the significant impact it had on his life.

However, the way the OP revealed the truth, especially in front of his niece, raises some concerns. It’s understandable that he felt the need to speak out after the frustration of being criticized by his sister, but it’s also important to consider the emotional impact this revelation may have had on the young child.

Children at a young age are still forming their sense of identity, and discovering that their mother “abandoned” them, regardless of the circumstances, can be confusing and upsetting. In situations like this, it’s crucial to think about how and when sensitive information is shared, particularly when the child is not prepared to process it.

The OP’s decision to reveal this information, while likely driven by a desire for honesty and a need to express his emotions, could have been handled more thoughtfully.

The revelation could have been better explained to the niece in a calm, supportive environment, with both parents and guardians involved to help her understand the situation. While keeping the truth hidden forever was never a healthy solution, how it was revealed is a key issue.

The OP’s frustration at being criticized by his family, especially after years of sacrifice, is understandable. However, it’s also important to recognize that his niece, at her age, was not prepared for the emotional weight of this revelation.

Going forward, the OP should work with his sister and mother to have an open conversation with his niece, ideally with emotional support and a clear understanding of how to help her process this new information.

Here’s what Redditors had to say:

This group sympathized with the OP’s frustration

Spare-Article-396 − Your mom completely sucks for allowing you to derail your own life for the sake of a 20-year-old woman not wanting to step up.

It’s shameful. You shouldn’t have said what you said, but hoo boy, I can’t even begin to understand the resentment you must feel.

NTA. Make no mistake; it was an ah thing to do.

But I’m giving you a pass.

WhereWeretheAdults − Wow. So mom was cool with you sacrificing your entire future to save your sister?

Now mom is angry you aren't still playing the dutiful son who still does exactly what they are told?

I can give your sis some leeway as she messed up at 17.

Mom was supposed to be the adult in this situation and her best response was to use her 17 yo son to cover for her sister.

And what was dear sis doing why you were raising her child? Yeah, you've got a serious mother problem. NTA.

Edit. RaineMist pointed out I had the ages wrong. Your entire family is crap - mom and sis.

Last-Caterpillar-407 − Secrets never stay that way. Especially secrets that should never have been. NTA.

Seems most here CANNOT grasp that YOU WERE A TEEN TOO and forced to drop out of school because of your sister's bad decisions. Why?

The AH in this scenario is your mother who did not parent and had YOU taking on the responsibility of parenting when you were just a kid yourself.

Your sister is an AH too because it is not the child she is thinking about. It is herself. She feels guilt.

Doesn't want to have to explain this to her child and would rather it be kept swept under a rug.

Necessary-Cup-9628 − NTA. Your sister has some nerve talking about lack of responsibility.

Has she or your mother acknowledged that they literally stole the start of your adult life from 17 till she came back???

When you were finally done raising her child did they give you any support in getting your education?

Did your sister financially reimburse your mother?

It's wrong that she just gets to have everyone accommodate her life while she throws stones in a glass house.

Now it wasn't ideal for your niece to hear this, but honestly she deserves to know.

Her mother might be mom of the year now but what if she divorces her husband? She's shown that she flakes when situations get hard.

Ancient_Yak4019 − NTA Firmly believe don’t throw stones at someone who could ruin your entire life. She deserves it

New-Comment2668 − NTA. You did not know that your niece was awake at the time you had the argument with your sister.

Your sister lost the moral high ground when she abandoned her child for 3 years.

As for your mother, she needs a good swift kick in the pants for having you drop out of high school to care for a child that your sister abandoned.

HungryTeap0t − NTA. You didn't know she was there, and once she knew it, it would have been ridiculous to keep it hidden.

All it would teach her is that she can't trust anyone as her mum and your mum kept lying to her or evading the question.

Mr_Ariyeh − Well she overheard you both. You didn't tell directly to your niece. And, please go back to schooling for yourself.

Hey, people! !! He said his niece overheard. He didn't say directly to her.

The niece could be somewhere else in the house when the fight occurred and she overheard that.

Fine_Road_3280 − Nah, its unfortunate niece heard argument. Ridiculous op had drop out school while sister just carried on with life.

Riker_Omega_Three − You did keep the secret. ..right up until your sister made it clear that she did not appreciate what you did for her.

..and likely resented that you were able to do what she couldn't You did nothing wrong.

It needed to be said And I disagree that the child should have been kept out of this.

That girl deserved to know who her mother was. That she isn't perfect.

That she has faults. If this is how she talks to OP to her face, imagine what she says behind her back.

That girl deserved to know who her mother was so she can decide if her mom is someone she can truly count on

and someone she should look up to Kids are stronger than some of these posters are giving them credit for NTA

OneDeep87 − NTA. He dropped out of high school and didn’t go to college to help out his mom take care of the toddler.

It’s expensive putting a baby and toddler in daycare so he didn’t want that extra burden on his mom

as she was working to provide for the baby and her child. He did a selfless thing as a teenager.

Idk why he didn’t switch to home school though. His sister is now saying he not responsible because he lost his job

and he just reminded her she walked away from her first born. Tick for tack.

Yes they both shouldn’t have been arguing but the niece wasn’t in the room she just overheard it. The sister has no right to call anybody irresponsible.

Some asked for clarification and thought maybe both parties were wrong

pvssyliqvor − NTA or maybe ESH. Why did YOU have to give up finishing school for your sister being a chicken s__t

who didn’t want to step up and then expected to keep silent?

Someday this was gonna happen either way but you had every reason to believe it was only the adults you have issue with in the room.

Your niece was never meant to hear that by your account of events so I don’t get everyone saying you’re cruel for telling her that.

Once that bag was open there’s no putting the cat back in she was either gonna hear it from you or a twisted version from your sister.

Realistic-Weird-4259 − I say this as someone who essentially raised both a nephew and a niece for the first year of their lives due to a sister's PPD.

She got over the PPD (after wanting each of the kids to live with me full time so she could basically work, go home, shop,

and be a weekend mother), and then she and her husband, for whatever reason, taught the kids that I am not worth knowing.

They remember zero about their time with me, and now that they're adults they've had zero interest in even really knowing me.

NTA for snapping at your sister. It also wasn't your fault that your niece overheard.

But soft YTA for the way you delivered the news. This should have been a much more sensitive conversation with her, if possible.

I absolutely agree that this secret should have been told to niece, but from the get-go, never kept secret.

What's done is done though. Time to be real with the niece if possible. She's old enough to understand teen pregnancy and crisis.

TheDarkHelmet1985 − INFO: was the niece in your conversation or was she somewhere else out of sight but heard you talking anyway?

If its the first, then clearly YTA. Your niece shouldn't have had to find out like that.

IF it's the latter, then NTA because you'd have no way of knowing she could hear you.

This is a real touchy subject because OP was younger than the sister and had to give up 3 years of his life to help raise the niece

because the sister was a crap person.

Now, OP has to act like those three years never happened because the sister doesn't want to have her daughter realize that she abandoned her.

Your sister is the clear AH there. I would really struggle if I was in OP's shoes to act like

I didn't sacrifice my own life to raise her child for 3 years and never be able to discuss that.

I'd hold a great deal of resentment against my sister and mother and would really struggle to maintain any relationship with the sister.

I'd never get over how I created the connection with the niece as a parental figure,

only to have that ripped away from me because she showed up and wanted to pretend that whole time never occurred.

 

False-Fall-6995 − So for all you Y. T. A. out there, did it occur to yall exactly how much it hurt to give a TODDLER away

after raising that baby from birth? All the sleepless nights, the love and cuddles,

carrying this little snuggle ball, worrying and crying, teething nights and nightmares,

only to have did waltz back in say she’s ready now that all the hard work and bonding is done and ripping that baby away?

 

Was the Redditor in the wrong for telling his niece the truth, or did his sister have it coming after years of taking him for granted? The emotional weight of this situation is undeniable, and while the truth may have come out in a messy way, it’s clear that secrets in families rarely stay hidden for long.

What would you have done in his shoes? Should he have kept the peace, or is it time to stop pretending nothing ever happened? Share your thoughts below!

Layla Bui

Layla Bui

Hi, I’m Layla Bui. I’m a lifestyle and culture writer for Daily Highlight. Living in Los Angeles gives me endless energy and stories to share. I believe words have the power to question the world around us. Through my writing, I explore themes of wellness, belonging, and social pressure, the quiet struggles that shape so many of our lives.

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Comments 1

  1. Laura Bowman says:
    3 days ago

    Absolutely not! Your sister and mom are the AH’s! Your mom was beyond wrong to ask you to drop out of school to take care of your niece so your sister could abandon her daughter! Your sister for abandoning her and letting your drop out of school, then to make the comment about your job. If she had any integrity when she came back she and her husband would have helped you get some education or training.

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