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Husband Expects Wife On Deadline To Feed Him And Daughter Instead Of Making One Sandwich Himself

by Jeffrey Stone
December 3, 2025
in Social Issues

A wife crunched a brutal deadline while her husband mashed buttons on the couch all afternoon. When he whined “What’s to eat?” like a toddler expecting room service, she snapped. No pause, no sandwich, just a glorious “Make it yourself or starve.”

He sulked, yelled, then tried weaponizing hunger to force her back to the kitchen. She held the line, finished her job, and only then slapped together the saddest peanut-butter pity meal in history. The internet crowned her queen of the “I’m not your maid” revolution.

A hardworking wife refuses to make lunch until her gaming husband steps up.

Husband Expects Wife On Deadline To Feed Him And Daughter Instead Of Making One Sandwich Himself
Not the actual photo.

'AITA for saying that no one was getting any food until I finished my work?'

I (29F) live with my husband Tom (32M). He has a child Anna (5F) that he sees on weekends.

I love Tom a lot, but honestly he can be a little exhausting sometimes. Anna is always sweet.

A little background context: in my family, my mother always did much of the work.

She had a high paying job just like my dad did (both of them software engineers)

but my dad was often on the couch playing video games while she worked on her laptop and cooked and cleaned all at the same time.

I hated the dynamic and brought it up with my mom often but she had always just defended my dad saying that he did a lot of work.

I promised myself that I was never going to grow up and marry someone like my dad.

Now, years later....I'm kind of in that position. It's true that Tom does bring in a lot of money, but so do I.

The first year or so was good. Sometimes he forgot things and had to be reminded, but overall he did what he was supposed to.

After that, he just started slacking until I was doing the majority of the household chores and work.

Every time I brought it up and tried to get him to change, he at first promised he would and then go back to his normal routine a few days...

and then later on he would just sulk every time I asked him to do the chores. I guess I kind of stopped asking because it never got anywhere.

Over the weekend, Tom brought Anna over. I was working on a big project on my laptop, and had been since early morning.

He went out with Anna for breakfast, and then came back around noon asking what was for lunch.

I told him I would sandwiches or something later because I was busy. He kind of looked at me weirdly,

and then went and sat on the couch and played video games while Anna napped.

Every once in a while he would look over at me, and then go back to playing video games.

Later he finally puts down the controller and came up to me and asked why the sandwiches weren't ready yet.

I told him that he knew I had a big project I was working on and would do it later.

He tried to take the computer away from me coaxingly and saying that Anna would be hungry and that the project could wait.

At that point I kind of snapped. I was stressed from the project and I hadn't eaten all day (my fault) and I sort of yelled.

I told him that he had arms and legs and a working brain so he could make lunch too, and that he does this all the time, and that he...

He got startled but then yelled back that cooking was my job (I usually do the cooking and usually it isn't a problem because I like cooking).

I told him fine. I said I was sorry for trying to push my duties onto him.

I had been about to make the sandwiches after a small portion of the work was done, to relax with a bit of cooking before returning to the project,

but I then told him that I absolutely would make the sandwiches - but only when all my work was done.

He started whining, but I told him either he finds some other form of food for him and Anna, or they wait. AITA?

Imagine living with a partner who treats you like the household’s default caterer. That’s a sitcom nobody signed up for.

What we’re watching here is classic weaponized incompetence wrapped in a “but you usually cook” bow. She’s pulling equal income, yet somehow lunch duty still falls to the person with the overflowing task list, while he parks on the couch with a controller.

The husband’s reaction – trying to physically take her laptop and declaring cooking “her job” – reveals a deeper entitlement problem. Many partners slowly offload chores until one person carries 70-80% of the mental and physical load, even in dual-income homes.

The American Time Use Survey shows that women still spend nearly twice as much time on housework and childcare as men, even when both work full-time. Shocking? Not really. Familiar? Painfully.

Dr. Rob Pascale, marketing and corporations expert, and Dr. Lou Primavera, behavior psychologist, explained in their collaborated work on Psychology Today in 2020: “However, the reality is couples who hold onto traditional gender roles are not as satisfied with their marriages as those who accept more contemporary roles. Modern thinking couples are sometimes referred to as androgynous, because the two partners share a number of personal traits.”

That’s exactly what happened here: instead of stepping up, the husband doubled down on tradition the moment it was convenient.

The sarcastic apology (“sorry for pushing my duties onto you”) was chef’s-kiss perfection, but it also highlights how long she’s been swallowing resentment.

Neutral advice? Stop managing his incompetence. Let the sandwiches remain unmade until he learns bread + peanut butter isn’t rocket science.

Couples counseling or a clear chore chart with real consequences (no gaming until dishes are done) can help, but only if he’s willing to grow up.

Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

Some people say NTA and insist the husband is a lazy, entitled man-child who refuses to do basic tasks.

Caspian4136 − NTA Your husband has conditioned you into doing all the work around the house and you've let it slide,

you even admitted you stopped asking because it never got anywhere.

Now you've got a 32 year old son on top of a 5 year old step daughter. He is so lazy, immature and you shouldn't put up with this any...

Put your foot down with him! He's fully capable of making a few sandwiches for lunch, which is the easiest thing to make -

especially as he knows you're busy on a big work project.

Forward_Squirrel8879 − NTA - But why are you still married to him?

The idea of a grown man pouting like a child and refusing to do chores or make his own lunch is deeply unattractive.

vigilante-shxt − NTA. You're married to a entitled brat.

Whether you do the majority of the cooking or not, the man can make himself and his kid a damn sandwich.

Some people call it NTA but say OP is enabling the laziness and should simply stop doing his chores.

attack-ninja − If you don't like doing the majority of the chores, then stop doing them. Tom is obviously lazy, but you're enabling it. NTA

mniji − These types of stories give me such a headache. Overall, NTA. But YTA to yourself for apologizing to him for ‘pushing your duties onto him’.

What? You were working. He was playing a video game. An actual child could make a freaking sandwich, but not your adult husband?

You need to nip this in the bud now or it’ll only get worse.

Some people judge NTA while criticizing the husband’s misogynistic belief that cooking and chores are women’s work.

[Reddit User] − NTA. "He got startled but then yelled back that cooking was my job". Typical misogynistic bulls__t, and all the other stuff comes with it.

NOT WORTH IT. "I told him fine. I said I was sorry for trying to push my duties onto him."

You better not be, he doesnt do his part of the shores, you don't owe him anything.

It's one thing if you like doing it and you offer to do it constantly, but nothing in the household is your job.

If that's how you think your getting into conservative nutjob territory.

Others say NTA and point out the husband’s aggressive behavior shows deeper problems that need addressing.

WholeAd2742 − NTA. Him trying to take the computer away is a serious AH move.

HE could go make sandwiches for the family since it was clearly an important project.

Sounds like time for a serious discussion about shared responsibilities and chores.

You both have duties to your child and family. He shouldn't demand you be doing everything

Plumbus-aficianado − NTA for the situation, but it is incomprehensible to me that you apolgized about "pushing your duties onto him"

when your husband is perfectly capable of making you and his daughter sandwiches.

Instead of blowing up you could have said "The sandwich stuff is in the kitchen in the usual place,

I'd like a X while you are making sandwiches for Anna and yourself, and a glass of x. Thanks honey."

And you should be doing it regularly enough that it isn't a surprise.

Some people are asking for more information about the husband’s previous relationship and division of labor.

Kat121 − INFO: What are the circumstances that led him to leave the mother of his child with an infant/toddler to marry you?

Was his ex-wife “crazy” and “a nag” and did she just not “understand his needs” anymore once the baby came?

Was he fully single and living independently on his own (doing the weekend custody solo) when you met and became serious?

SporeZealot − If you cook, what family/household tasks are his to do? He should be doing something.

At its core, this wasn’t about sandwiches, it was about respect, fairness, and who gets to be the default parent in the house. One Redditor finally drew a line in the (uncut) bread, and the internet cheered. Do you think her “nobody eats till I’m done” stand was fair after years of carrying the load, or did a hungry 5-year-old deserve better than grown-up drama?

How would you handle a partner who thinks “cooking is women’s work” the second it’s inconvenient for him? Drop your hot takes below, we’re all ears!

Jeffrey Stone

Jeffrey Stone

Jeffrey Stone is a valuable freelance writer at DAILY HIGHLIGHT. As a senior entertainment and news writer, Jarvis brings a wealth of expertise in the field, specifically focusing on the entertainment industry.

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