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Husband Questions Paternity After Wife Claims She Conceived While He Was “Half-Asleep”

by Charles Butler
December 20, 2025
in Social Issues

Imagine being told you’re about to become a parent and your first thought isn’t joy, but confusion. That’s exactly where one Reddit user found himself after his wife announced she was pregnant, despite months of little to no intimacy and a timeline that simply didn’t add up.

The 35-year-old husband, who travels frequently for work and works long hours when home, said he felt blindsided by the news.

What began as disbelief quickly spiraled into something far darker, leaving him questioning not only the pregnancy but the foundation of his marriage itself. And once the updates rolled in, readers were left stunned.

Curious how a seemingly normal marriage unraveled into betrayal, legal threats, and family fallout?

Husband Questions Paternity After Wife Claims She Conceived While He Was “Half-Asleep”
Not the actual photo

Buckle up – this story takes a sharp turn.

'WIBAH for asking for paternity test because I don’t remember getting her pregnant?'

This is more of a request for advice than an "Am I the A__hole" post, but here it is. I (M, 35) have been with my wife (F, 33) for...

For the past six months, our s__ life has been non-existent, mainly because I travel for work a couple of times a month.

When I'm home, I work long hours. I try my best to help with housework and spend time with my wife, but I pass out the second I lie down....

My wife quit her job when we got married, so I can't just take a break from work (it was her choice; I had no say in it). Today, she...

I was shocked because the last time we had s__ was many months ago, so I joked, "You got pregnant from cuddling? That's the closest we've had to intimacy."

She kept insisting, "Don't you remember?" I told her I honestly didn't. She said, "Well, we started making out, then you kind of passed out, so I just rode you.

Oh well," and she giggled. I asked her, "While I was passed out?" She said, "No, you were kind of awake; you had a big smile afterward.

What’s the big deal here ?" I told her that I would at least remember some of it. Come on.

She got mad and asked if I was accusing her of something. I said no, but I'm just very confused.

Am I the a__hole for thinking my wife might have cheated on me? I have been home on occasion, so my traveling hasn't been constant.

Do I need her permission to get a paternity test? If she hasn't cheated, why don't I feel happy and joyful? I feel like an a__hole..

Update :

I got a lot of DMs asking for an update. I’ll be seeing a lawyer this week, and then I can share more.

I checked her phone (I’m not proud of it), and yes, she and my brother “bonded” over feeling like lonely spouses who were neglected by their partners.

While I was away for my work trips, he would tell his wife he was working night shifts and would have “sleepovers” at our place.

They both acknowledged how the arrangement felt both right and wrong, as neither of them wanted to leave their spouses but still enjoyed the physical and emotional aspects of the...

When I confronted her, she got angry about me going through her phone and said she felt violated. Honestly, I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry.

She insisted the baby is probably mine because we’ve been having quickies ( according to her it happened more than once ) when I was half-asleep, and she said, “I...

I told her I don’t believe a single word she says. I told her she needs to move out, and we’ll figure out what to do after a paternity test.

I also told her I’m canceling all her extracurricular activities because they’re not my responsibility anymore. She said I’m financially abusing her, but to be honest, I really didn’t care.

I told her I’d be coming to her next baby appointment because I need to talk to our family doctor. She’s currently staying at her best friend’s place.

Today, she messaged me saying she’s spotting and blaming me for it, claiming I’ve stressed her out and increased her chances of miscarriage.

She said I’m a shitty father and an abusive spouse. Honestly, I’m not even sure if she’s ever been pregnant.

I asked if she needed a ride to the hospital or her friend’s address so I could take her. She didn’t answer.

So here I am. I blocked my brother from everywhere. I don’t have a brother anymore.

The Situation That Sparked Alarm

This Redditor explained that he and his wife had been together for a decade and married for three years.

Over the past six months, intimacy had nearly vanished due to his demanding work schedule and frequent travel.

When his wife suddenly announced she was pregnant, he genuinely couldn’t remember a moment that could have led to it.

When he jokingly questioned how it happened, her explanation raised immediate red flags. She claimed they had been intimate while he was “half asleep” and that he simply didn’t remember.

While she laughed it off, he felt deeply unsettled, confused, anxious, and strangely disconnected from what should have been happy news.

He began asking questions many commenters felt were not only reasonable but necessary.

When Doubt Turns Into Discovery

Things escalated quickly after the original post. In an update, the husband revealed that he checked his wife’s phone and discovered messages confirming an affair with his own brother.

According to the messages, the two had bonded over loneliness and feeling neglected by their spouses.

While the Redditor was away for work, his brother allegedly stayed overnight at the couple’s home under the guise of work shifts. Both acknowledged the relationship felt “wrong,” yet continued anyway.

When confronted, the wife accused him of violating her privacy and insisted the baby was “probably” his, doubling down on her claim of intimacy he couldn’t recall.

Trust was completely shattered. He asked her to move out and insisted on a paternity test before any further discussions.

Expert Opinion: Why This Situation Raises Serious Concerns

Relationship experts say the husband’s reaction is understandable and warranted.

According to Dr. Ramani Durvasula, a licensed clinical psychologist,

“When someone experiences confusion around consent, memory, and reality in an intimate relationship, that’s not just a trust issue, it’s a psychological safety issue”

Additionally, reproductive timelines matter. The American Pregnancy Association notes that pregnancy dating is usually accurate within a two-week window, making major discrepancies a valid reason for concern.

From a medical standpoint, intimacy that occurs while one partner is unconscious or impaired introduces serious ethical and emotional implications, regardless of gender.

Statistics That Add Context

Infidelity is more common than many realize. According to the Institute for Family Studies, approximately 20% of married men and 13% of married women report cheating at least once during their marriage.

Meanwhile, studies from the American Psychological Association show that betrayal involving close family members – like siblings – causes significantly higher emotional trauma and long-term trust damage than other forms of infidelity.

The Debate: Was He Wrong to Ask for a Paternity Test?

Some commenters argued that asking for a paternity test could escalate conflict or worsen stress during pregnancy. Others questioned his decision to cut off financial support so abruptly.

But the majority agreed: clarity is not cruelty.

When trust is broken, especially through deception involving family, verifying facts becomes a form of self-protection, not punishment.

Emotional honesty, even when painful, is often healthier than forced optimism built on doubt.

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

Some people say his doubts were not only reasonable but unavoidable. 

Ok_Scheme76 − "So either you cheated or you raped me" NTA, get the paternity test and I'm sorry for what's happening to you

[Reddit User] − No matter what you do get a DNA test. Before it's too late

PandaMime_421 − I'm much more concerned about the consent issue than anything.

Others argue that asking questions at all crossed a line and made everything worse. 

theabsolutegayest − So either your wife cheated on you or raped you. NTA, consult a divorce attorney asap.

Ambroisie_Cy − So many red flags here! My wife quit her job. .. I had no say in it This should be a common decision. You are in a relationship.

One partner can't just choose to stop working without the other partner being part of that decision. you kind of passed out, so I just rode you. Oh well you...

What am I reading? This is rape OP. If this really happened, your wife raped you. I can't believe I'm about to say that, but best case scenario:

she is a liar and she didn't rape you and is trying to make you think you are the bio father of that child. I really, really hope this is...

Do I need her permission to get a paternity test For now, you need her permission, yes. Because the baby is not born, so you don't have access to it...

I don't know a whole lot about laws, but maybe a judge can force her to have one? If she hasn't cheated, why don't I feel happy and joyful?

I think this is the best question you could ask yourself right now. That baby, if it's yours, was made during SA.

That baby, if is not yours, was created with another man. The fact she might have r*ped you or is lying to you about raping you is, in my opinion,...

Also, if you were already unhappy in your marriage and exhausted because you can't take a break from work, because she made a onesided decision to not work. ..

That could also contribute to you not feeling joyful. I'd say you don't have to dig deep to see why this marriage is toxic OP. NTA

TopAd7154 − NTA. But if it comes back as being yours then have a serious chat with her and a police officer about riding you without your consent.

Trust, consent, memory, betrayal, and family loyalty are all tangled together here, and there’s no easy answer.

ArturiusMythos − Bro...you know exactly what you're looking at.

Effective-Case7980 − There are three options here: 1. You were present during the act but you simply forgot

2. She cheated and is trying to trick you. 3. She is telling the truth, meaning this is SA. .. In the case of the first one, YTAH. In the...

No person on the internet can tell you which of these options is the truth, I think it is up to you to figure out which one you feel is...

SpringfieldMO_Daddy − NTA - but kind of an i__ot if you think the kid is yours.

Beneficial-Door-3252 − I am so happy to see so many people commenting about the SA. Men deserve to be protected too and I'm so very happy to see people calling...

The Lesson: Trust Can’t Survive Without Truth

This story highlights a hard truth: joy cannot grow in uncertainty. Becoming a parent requires emotional safety, consent, and trust and when those are missing, questions are not only fair, they’re necessary.

As many commenters noted, this situation stopped being about a paternity test the moment betrayal entered the picture. It became about boundaries, accountability, and protecting one’s mental well-being.

 

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THIS STORY?

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THIS STORY?

OP Is Not The AH (NTA) 0/0 votes | 0%
OP Is Definitely The AH (YTA) 0/0 votes | 0%
No One Is The AH Here (NAH) 0/0 votes | 0%
Everybody Sucks Here (ESH) 0/0 votes | 0%
Need More INFO (INFO) 0/0 votes | 0%

Charles Butler

Charles Butler

Hey there, fellow spotlight seekers! As the PIC of our social issues beat—and a guy who's dived headfirst into journalism and media studies—I'm obsessed with unpacking how we chase thrills, swap stories, and tangle with the big, messy debates of inequality, justice, and resilience, whether on screens or over drinks in a dive bar. Life's an endless, twisty reel, so I love spotlighting its rawest edges in words. Growing up on early internet forums and endless news scrolls, I'm forever blending my inner fact-hoarder with the restless wanderer itching to uncover every hidden corner of the world.

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