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“It’s 40k, Just Pay It!” Why One Man Refused His Ex’s Pricey Home Birth Demands

by Carolyn Mullet
December 21, 2025
in Social Issues

Ah, the complicated tango of modern relationships and… invoices? We all know that breaking up is hard to do, but sometimes the real mess starts after the split. Usually, we argue over who keeps the streaming password or the coffee maker. But occasionally, life serves up a dilemma so dramatic it feels like a primetime soap opera written just for us to gasp at.

A recent story online involves a very expensive pregnancy, a very brave DNA test, and a $40,000 bill that would make anyone dizzy. A Redditor found himself facing immense pressure from his cheating ex-girlfriend and her family to cover a massive tab for a baby that, spoiler alert, was proven not to be his.

It’s a messy mix of betrayal, money, and boundaries. Let’s sit down with this story and see how standing your ground can save more than just your bank account.

To set the scene, our protagonist thought his four-year relationship was solid until a betrayal unraveled everything. After kicking his girlfriend out for cheating, she returned months later with a baby bump and a bill, claiming he was the only possible father. He played it smart and waited for science to have the final say.

The Story:

"It’s 40k, Just Pay It!" Why One Man Refused His Ex’s Pricey Home Birth Demands
Not the actual photo

AITAH for refusing to pay delivery and maternity expenses for the child?

About 11 months ago, I (m28) found out that my gf (f24) was cheating on me. We'd been together for 4 years, and lived together for almost 2.

I thought we had a great relationship, we got along well, regular weekly dates, traveled a lot together and had tons of plans for our future together.

We'd even talked about me proposing as soon as she got her finances in order. I found out she was sleeping with a guy who's friend

with a best friend's boyfriend. I told her to kick rocks and that I never wanted to see her again. She went on and moved in

with that best friend and her boyfriend. During that time, she never told her family that we broke up or no longer lived together. A few

weeks, after she moved out. She reached and told me that she was pregnant and that she is certain that it's mine because the times

she cheated they used condoms. For context, my pop passes when I was a child and I have very little memories of him and as

a result my family struggles and I affected me for a long time. I told her, when the kid is born and is confirmed as

mine. I'll take care of everything. Until than leave me alone. A few weeks later, we met up and she swore of everything that the

baby is mine and said I should help cover maternity/pregnancy stuffs. I told her, keep receipts of everything you spend of pregnancy/maternity stuffs. After the

child is born. If it's mine, I'll cut you a check to cover all expenses. If it's not then well part ways. She agreed. She

then proceeded to get a midwife and a doula for herself.(Both pretty expensive), she decided on a home birth. Comes time, baby came early and

there were complications, she was rushed to the hospital for emergency C-section and baby was kept on those wards were they keep new born who

can't survive alone. The day of birth I went to see her and a nurse took me to see the baby. Two weeks ago she

sent me receipts for everything, and it's totalled over 40k and she asked for money to pay the doula and midwife. I told let's wait

for dna results. Well, turns out I'm not the father. I told her I'm sorry but she's on her own. She cried and said

she and the child are ruined if I don't step up and help them and went on on how we can have a successful

relationship together and raise the kid and how's she matured and will be a good partner. I told her I have no interest raising someone

else child and to call on the real father. Well, the guy is broke and is cashier at the local store. Now everyone in her

family is trying to convince me to at least pay off the 40k and before going our ways. I said no. AITAH for refusing to

step up here? UPDATE I had to lawyer up. She's still pushing the dead beat dad narrative and painting me as the bad guy. second

Update Hey Guys, Since having to get a lawyer I blocked her and everything in her circle. I shared with family and friends the DNA

results and they were all baffled by her brazenness (some of them had a good 😂, especially my mom who never liked her much). My

lawyer told her that she needed to fixed what she's done and clear my name or we'd sue her amongst other things. Last night she

made a post last night on Facebook telling everyone that she and I have not been together for nearly a year and that the child

isn't in fact mine. She made another post and tagged the guy who's supposedly the father. She messaged me on Whatsapp, I hadn't blocked her

there. She apologized and said she was desperate and angry at herself for cheating and wished on everything she never did and that I was

the father and said she hope we can maybe be friends. I never answered her message and don't plan on it.

Can we just take a collective sigh of relief for this man? Honestly, waiting for those DNA results must have felt like the longest pause button ever pressed. It takes a lot of mental strength to look at a heartbreaking situation, a newborn baby needing help, and still say, “Wait, let’s look at the facts first.”

The ex-girlfriend’s confidence in spending so much money before having any proof is just wild. Hiring a doula and a midwife on a promise based on a “maybe” is a huge gamble. It is really sad that she tried to lean on him just because he was financially stable, completely ignoring the emotional wrecking ball she swung through his life. You have to applaud his shiny backbone here.

Expert Opinion

This story is a fascinating (and expensive) look at “financial infidelity” mixed with emotional manipulation. When a partner breaks trust through cheating, they often try to minimize the damage by normalizing other unreasonable requests—like a five-figure hospital bill.

Psychologists note that guilty partners sometimes engage in “revisionist history,” convincing themselves that their former partner still owes them security simply because of their past history. This is often an attempt to avoid the consequences of their new reality. The ex-girlfriend’s belief that he would pay just to be a “good guy” is a form of boundary testing.

According to a study on paternity fraud, nearly 30% of men who take private DNA tests discover they are not the biological father. That is a staggeringly high number when you think about the financial commitment of raising a child, which the USDA estimates costs over $300,000 from birth to age 17. By demanding proof, the OP wasn’t just being cautious; he was protecting his entire financial future.

Dr. Ramani Durvasula, a clinical psychologist, often speaks about narcissism in relationships. She points out that high-conflict personalities often view people as “resources” rather than individuals. In this case, the ex viewed the OP as a safety net for her risky choices.

Legally, he made the perfect move. In many jurisdictions, paying medical bills or signing a birth certificate can be seen as “accepting paternity,” which opens the door for mandatory child support even if DNA proves otherwise later. His insistence on waiting for the results was his legal life raft.

Community Opinions

The internet community rallied around this man like a digital fortress. Almost everyone agreed that “no DNA, no pay” was the golden rule here.

Readers were adamant that he owed absolutely nothing.

[Reddit User] − NTA. She cheated and kid isn't yours. No responsibility towards her or the child...

These people trying to convince you to drop 40k on a child thats not yours are AH

BlueGreen_1956 − NTA... Not your problem. Let the worthless cheater deal with it.

As for people telling you to pay for a child that isn't yours, tell them to go to hell.

Commenters were stunned by her spending habits without securing the funds first.

FluffyBunny271 − NTA... SHE cheated. SHE decided to get both a doula and midwife... SHE had someone else’s baby. You don’t owe her anything.

aquavenatus − NTA... Not only did your ex cheat on you, but also is so irresponsible that she insisted on spending more for pregnancy expenses

BEFORE learning whether or not you were her child’s (biological) father!

TurbulentTurtle2000 − NTA... She knew the situation from the jump and she gambled on the hope that the child turned out to be yours. Her gamble did not pay off.

Others pointed out the dangerous legal trap he almost walked into.

PleaeDontLookAtMe − If you do pay, some states will see that as accepting responsibility, opening a path for child support proceedings.

[Reddit User] − NTA. Double check that your name is not on the birth certificate...

Check to make sure she didn't submit your name as the father for public assistance as well.

Users had no sympathy for the relatives pressuring him.

HMS_Slartibartfast − Her family is TA for asking you... If they are concerned, ask why THEY are not able to pay? Please do so publicly.

TensionCareful − NTA - Tell her family that the kid has nothing from your side of the family tree... and that as their bloodline, they should at least help her...

How to Navigate a Situation Like This

If you are ever in a spot where emotions and finances are getting tangled up, the best advice is to hit “pause.” It is okay to be supportive from a distance without opening your wallet.

Just like this Redditor, always prioritize facts over feelings when legal commitments are involved. Getting a lawyer isn’t an aggressive move; it’s a protective one. It brings clarity to the room when everyone else is shouting. Also, keeping communication in writing (text or email) is vital because it creates a record of what was actually promised versus what was assumed. Boundaries are not mean; they are necessary for keeping your sanity intact.

Conclusion

In a world that often pressures men to “step up” regardless of the circumstances, this story is a powerful reminder that generosity has limits. Betrayal is already expensive for the heart; it shouldn’t have to bankrupt your wallet, too.

How do you feel about his “pay-if-it’s-mine” deal? Was it a fair wager, or should he have stayed away completely from the start? Let’s chat about boundaries and bad exes below!

Carolyn Mullet

Carolyn Mullet

Carolyn Mullet is in charge of planning and content process management, business development, social media, strategic partnership relations, brand building, and PR for DailyHighlight. Before joining Dailyhighlight, she served as the Vice President of Editorial Development at Aubtu Today, and as a senior editor at various magazines and media agencies.

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