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Man Abandoned Pregnant Partner, Returned Months Later Furious About What He Missed

by Annie Nguyen
February 9, 2026
in Social Issues

There are moments in life when doing your best still feels like it is not enough. Especially when the people who vanished during the hardest part suddenly reappear with demands, anger, and blame. Grief does not come with instructions, and neither does responsibility in the aftermath.

After being left to navigate pregnancy alone, one woman endured a tragedy that completely changed her life. She reached out repeatedly, only to be met with silence. When the truth finally surfaced months later, the reaction was explosive and unforgiving.

Now she is questioning whether she failed someone who failed her first. Keep reading to understand why this story left readers emotional and divided.

A grieving mother is blamed after her absent ex learns too late that their newborn died

Man Abandoned Pregnant Partner, Returned Months Later Furious About What He Missed
not the actual photo

'AITA for not trying harder to let my ex know our son passed?'

Sorry for any lay out issues, I am on my phone. Also, throwaway as my ex follows my main...

Both myself (F) and my partner (M) were 28 when I found out I was pregnant. Together 4 years.

Personally I didn't want the child, my work was offering potential advances within my position and I was excited for it.

But after alot of talking, we decided to go forward with it.

When I was around 20 weeks (just after finding out the gender) he disappeared.

I couldn't contact him, he wouldn't answer the phone or messages.

I got worried and messaged his mother and found out he was living back with her and was o__rwhelmed with the situation.

He kept paying his part of the bills over to my bank each month, but I received no contact. I even tried going over, nothing.

By about 27 weeks I gave up trying, gave up crying and just got on with what I thought was a future as a single mother.

I brought everything needed over the next couple of weeks and set it all up.

At 31 weeks I started having pains, but put it down to braxton hicks.

Just before 32 weeks my waters went and I went into labour, with the baby coming very quickly.

He went straight to NICU. I messaged and rang my ex and his mother, no response.

Less than a week later, my son passed due to complications of early birth. I again tried to contact my ex and his mother.

Left voicemails and messages. Nothing

The next few weeks were a blur, but with the help of my mother and father his funeral was arranged.

They tried to contact ex and his mother also, still nothing. I sent more messages, nothing.

I'm assuming we were probably all blocked but honestly at that point I didn't care. I was so broken.

His funeral came and went. It was beautiful and horrible.

I stopped messaging and told my family not to bother after the funeral had passed. I couldn't deal with it anymore.

About 5 months after his birth/death my ex turned up. Let himself in.

I wasn't at home, but when I got back he was instantly hostile. The flat was clearly not set up for nor accommodating a small child.

He demanded to see his son. I broke down and told him what happened.

I have never seen him so sad and angry. He stormed out, slamming the door on his way out.

Within half an hour I got a n__ty call from his mother, followed by messages from siblings/other family.

How dare I not let them know something so serious. How could I hide something like that out of petty spite.

I truly didn't, I tried. But I couldn't keep trying. It's been nearly 3 weeks now of them being awful.

I was speaking to my sister this weekend and she said "tbf, it was a bit of a d__k move to not keep trying. They deserved to know"

Was it? I tried so hard to let him know, but I was struggling so hard too. I lost my son too. AITA? should I have done more??

Edit: Thank you all so much for your responses. Sorry for not replying to any. Reading them has been a lot.

Honestly, I'm going to drink a bottle of wine (or two), read your kind responses and cry myself to sleep.

Writing this all out and living it again has been hard.

Unfortunately I'm not able to change the locks (landlord said no) but my tenancy ends on the 12th of June

and I already have a new flat to move into.

And thankfully my dad has been able to cover the cost of a private therapist and I see her again on Tuesday.

Thank you all so much again for your kind words

2nd edit: if I had realised this was going to blow up so much then I probably would have just posted to my main.

If you see this post anyway, read it Lewis. Then read it again. Then read the comments. Then just leave me alone.

Thank you all for your comments. I'm going to show my therapist the post when I see her and talk it through, but honestly,

it has helped a lot. Even if I did cry quite a bit. I'm going to sleep now and won't be back on this post. But thank you all ♥️

Losing a baby is widely recognized as one of the most emotionally devastating experiences a parent can go through. Research shows that the death of a child often leads to intense emotional pain, heightened stress, and deep sorrow that can persist for years.

Bereaved parents may experience overwhelming sadness, disbelief, and identity disruption because their expectations about parenthood are abruptly shattered. This grief is often more complicated and enduring than grief for other types of loss.

Scientific reviews on parental bereavement show that parents, especially mothers, who experience the sudden or traumatic loss of a child are at higher risk of developing complicated grief, a form of prolonged, distressing grief that interferes with daily functioning and emotional processing.

These reviews highlight that the grief reaction after infant loss can be deeply immersive and slow to ease over time.

After baby loss, grief isn’t just emotional; it also influences physical and psychological states.

For mothers, hormonal changes post-pregnancy can intensify feelings of sadness and anxiety, while both parents may experience symptoms like sleeplessness, exhaustion, depression, and trauma reactions. This complex emotional experience is often not fully understood or acknowledged by society at large.

Research into bereavement also notes that intense grief can affect cognitive and emotional functioning, including motivation, capacity to engage with others, and ability to sustain repeated efforts to communicate.

When someone repeatedly tries to engage with a partner or former partner after traumatic events, unanswered outreach can contribute to emotional shutdown or avoidance, especially when it triggers past trauma or feelings of abandonment.

This is part of the broader psychological impact of bereavement and trauma.

Grief from baby loss benefits greatly from compassionate support, whether through therapy, peer support groups, or specialized bereavement care.

There are organizations dedicated to helping bereaved parents navigate this profound loss, providing space to share experiences and process trauma alongside others who truly understand.

Experts emphasize that parental grief, especially after infancy-related loss, isn’t linear and doesn’t end neatly. Even when time passes, the intensity and form of grief can evolve rather than disappear, making emotional reactions (or lack of emotional outreach) more understandable in context.

Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

These Redditors agreed the ex abandoned OP and forfeited any right to blame

cryinoverwangxian − Holy s__t NTA He ABANDONED you while you were pregnant

and he and his family ignored your messages and attempts to get in contact.

You are the opposite of an AH. I am so sorry for your experience and I suggest changing the locks and cutting them off completely.

Vivid-Rent7730 − Honestly f*ck him and his family. You tried contacting them before and after it happened and nothing.

Then he just shows up like he didn’t abandon you at such a fragile time.

Honestly if that was me & I tried contacting the dad/family & heard nothing,

I wouldn’t bother either because planning a babies funeral would be my top priority. Not chasing someone who left. NTA.

HarveySnake − Nta You made every effort possible to contact these people and they blocked you.

Their ignorance Is 100% their own fault Get the locks changed on your place.

This group urged OP to change the locks and fully cut him off

Federal-Ferret-970 − NTA. Change the f__king locks. He just barges in. Omg.

I'm not even gonna touch his behaviour as ill just get a ban. Condolences on your loss.

JaneDoe_83 − NTA Firstly, let me say, I am so very sorry for your loss. Those words are cliché and trite, but they are all I have.

Secondly, the sperm donor dropped off the face of the earth because he “couldn’t deal”,

and then he has the audacity to say you should’ve tried harder to reach him?? I’m sorry, but you tried, repeatedly.

Not just to contact him, but also his family. They didn’t answer. They weren’t there for you during any of this. That was their choice.

You tried the hardest you could, whilst going into early labour, having a sick baby in NICU, and eventually his passing + the funeral.

You didn’t have the mental bandwidth to keep going. And to me, that’s totally acceptable.

What’s unacceptable is his and his family’s decision to be unreachable (by blocking you or whatever).

Thirdly, please change your locks so that he can’t just let himself in and come and go as he pleases.

You’re going through enough, without having to deal with coming home to him sitting on your couch out of the blue.

Lastly, your sister needs to grow TF up.

What an immature response. She must know you tried. And with all you were dealing with, I don’t think you could have tried any harder.

She needs to learn some empathy. I wish you the best, moving forward.

Careful_Manner − NTA at all! ! F all of them. Change your locks. Tell your sister to get bent.

These users fiercely defended OP, calling the ex and family heartless

Foxyfumbles − Let me get this straight, you went through a Pregnancy, and a NICU baby death due to early birth

(likely due to the stress those brats put you through and they have the AWDACITY to say you didn't try hard enough?

Bite Me. That is how I would respond.

Op, I am so sorry you went through that and I want you to understand how strong you are for going through that alone.

I am sorry for your loss and I hope you block that whole group and FORSHAME on your sister. forshame. NTA 100000% NTA

sepher32 − NTA So they essentially went No Contact with you, and then blamed you for not contacting them?

And are now harassing a grieving mother/young woman recovering from her first pregnancy.

They sound like f__king monsters if we're going to shoot straight about it.

I'm sorry for your loss and wish nothing but healing and happiness for your future,

which hopefully does not include your ex, his mother or possibly your sister.

dino-martini − NTA As someone who was also abandoned during a pregnancy that ended

without a living child your ex can stick his special bits in a meat grinder.

ANYONE who accuses you of having done something wrong is an a__hole. Especially if they are family!

OP I am mad for you because it was 1,000,000% not your sister's place to pass judgement as she clearly has no idea what she is talking about.

It's time to find your self worth and go nuclear. Do not allow others to sit on their thrones of arrogance only to put you down.

You survived through a horrendous experience and that alone probably makes you tougher than any of these assholes passing judgement.

You are not soft and broken. You are resilient and powerful.

[Reddit User] − After what you went through, nothing you could possibly have done would make me call you an a__hole.

You've suffered enough for one lifetime. And god knows you tried your best to contact them, and they went out of their way to evade you.

Put these awful people out of your mind. NTA

This group stressed that parenthood means showing up, even when it’s hard

TeachingClassic5869 − Your sister is an AH. it is not your job to be responsible for him. He knew you were pregnant and chose to disappear.

He doesn't get to come back later and tell you that you should've tried harder. He should've tried, period.

JianFlower − Part of the privilege of parenthood involves being there for your child,

even when it’s not convenient or when it’s not something you want in that moment.

He lost his right to call himself a parent when he couldn’t/wouldn’t support you and your son through pregnancy, birth, and death.

That he and his family flat-out ignored you for what sounds like months speaks volumes to his character.

NTA, and I’m so sorry for your loss. I can’t imagine how hard it is.

Livinum81 − First, this is heartbreaking and I'm sorry for your loss. Second, NTA.

Ignores you, let's you go through birth (and death) alone and then suddenly turns up as if nothing happened. What an awful person.

This user pushed for legal action and zero direct contact going forward

sarpon6 − NTA. You owe them nothing. But there are two things you should do. Sue him.

File lawsuit for your medical expenses, hospital expenses, the funeral expenses, and intentional infliction of emotional distress.

Enlist the angriest, thickest-skinned person you know to respond to any contact from him, his family, or his friends.

Instruct this person to respond with a description of how this sniveling c__ard ran home to his mommy

without a word and actively refused to respond to you for seven months, hid from your family

when they tried to contact him about the funeral, and waltzed in three months after the due date to demand access to the child

he had abandoned, then tell them the next time they contact you they will be slapped with a harassment charge.

This group focused on compassion, grief, and validating OP’s strength

author124 − NTA you tried pretty damn hard for someone who was in the midst of grieving an enormous loss

and managing the cruel logistics associated with it. Your ex is an AH and I'm very glad for your sake that he's your ex. I'm sorry for your loss.

Edit to add: also if your sister has such strong feelings about it, she should have been the one to keep calling.

Most readers agreed on one painful truth. You cannot force someone to be present, and you cannot carry their responsibility when they refuse to answer. The woman lost her child, her partner, and then her peace, all while being told she didn’t try hard enough.

Was it ever her burden to carry alone? Or was the real failure the silence on the other end of the phone? Share your thoughts below.

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THIS STORY?

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THIS STORY?

OP Is Not The AH (NTA) 0/0 votes | 0%
OP Is Definitely The AH (YTA) 0/0 votes | 0%
No One Is The AH Here (NAH) 0/0 votes | 0%
Everybody Sucks Here (ESH) 0/0 votes | 0%
Need More INFO (INFO) 0/0 votes | 0%

Annie Nguyen

Annie Nguyen

Hi, I'm Annie Nguyen. I'm a freelance writer and editor for Daily Highlight with experience across lifestyle, wellness, and personal growth publications. Living in San Francisco gives me endless inspiration, from cozy coffee shop corners to weekend hikes along the coast. Thanks for reading!

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