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Daughter Logs Into Mom’s Instagram After Suspecting NDA Violation, Now Mom Accuses Her Of “Hacking” And Betraying Her Trust

by Layla Bui
February 22, 2026
in Social Issues

Most of us grow up believing our parents are the safest people to confide in. They celebrate our wins, defend us in public, and usually keep our secrets locked away. But what happens when their pride in your success turns into something that could cost you everything?

One Redditor found herself in that exact position after landing a highly confidential nanny job with a well-known family. Bound by a strict NDA, she made sure everyone close to her signed one too. Then a neighbor casually mentioned private details she never shared.

When her mother denied knowing anything, she did something drastic to confirm her suspicion. Scroll down to see how far this situation escalated and whether she crossed a line trying to protect her career.

A nanny for a high-profile family fears her mom leaked private information

Daughter Logs Into Mom’s Instagram After Suspecting NDA Violation, Now Mom Accuses Her Of “Hacking” And Betraying Her Trust
Not the actual photo

AITA for "hacking" my moms instagram to see if she violated NDA?

I'm a nanny for a high profile family.

I signed a very extensive and strict NDA.

Anyone directly involved in my life, mom, dad, sis, and husband, also signed an NDA.

The nanny family recommended this, to talk about the job without getting into any legal trouble

or putting them at risk.

Recently ran into one of my parents' neighbors, Amber, at the park.

Amber asked how the new job was going, then proceeded

to ask specifics about how it must be working for a family

where the parents are (insert their jobs here).

A direct violation of the NDA and something I could be fired and sued for.

My dad isn't the sharing type, like at all, so I figured it was probably my mom.

I asked her about it in a casual “Hey how’s Amber,” way.

I said I ran into Amber at the park and that it was odd

because she knew details about my job without me telling her.

My mom simply shrugged and said, "That's funny.

Maybe she googled? Or saw something on social media?"

My dad and sister absolutely hate Amber.

They essentially said hell would have to freeze over before they spoke to her willingly.

My dad ended our convo where I asked him about it by saying,

"The only thing I know about her is that her son just made partner at a law firm in New York

and is making bank and that's only because mom saw it on instagram and told me about it."

Right then, I knew my mom lied to me and it was her.

She and Amber love to "one up" each other with their children's success,

and I also just landed a great new job.

I asked my mom about it AGAIN and she told me that I was being dramatic,

making stuff up, and that she would never do that to me.

My mom doesn't text people, only DM's on instagram.

I know her password so logged in to check her messages.

There was an extremely long DM to Amber where she shared their professions,

children's names, ages, private school, general locations of their homes,

how they pay "really well", etc.

Everything that we are legally NOT allowed to say, she said.

I called her immediately and said that I logged into her DM's

and saw the message she sent Amber that was a violation.

She started screaming at me about how she is supposed to be able

to trust her daughter, she can't believe I hacked into her instagram,

that mothers should be allowed to brag about their children, and then she hung up.

It has been a week without contact between the two of us.

We used to speak every single day.

I am starting to believe that maybe I'm the a__hole here for violating her trust like that.

My husband says if anyone violated trust here it is her

and that I gave her ample opportunity to tell the truth

before I intervened and sought out the truth myself.

He constantly reminds me that they could sue us into the ground,

and fire me, for endangering my nanny family's well being.

Because truthfully, Amber could easily be a p__cho fan or sell the information to someone who is.So, AITA?

We all grow up believing that our parents will protect us, not unintentionally endanger us. When that expectation is shaken, the hurt cuts deeper than the surface argument. It’s not just conflict. It’s the unsettling realization that love and loyalty don’t always align with responsibility.

In this situation, she wasn’t simply debating whether to respect her mother’s privacy. She was balancing her emotional bond with her mother against a legally binding obligation that could cost her job, her reputation, and even her financial security.

The core emotional tension lies in competing fears: fear of betraying a parent versus fear of losing everything she has worked for. When her mother denied involvement, the uncertainty intensified.

The login wasn’t impulsive curiosity; it was a reaction to anxiety and self-preservation. She needed clarity in a situation where silence could destroy her career.

What makes this dynamic especially complex is that the mother may not see herself as having crossed a serious line. For some parents, a child’s success feels like shared territory. Bragging can feel like pride, not betrayal.

But when pride turns into entitlement, when a parent assumes access to private information because “it’s my child”, boundaries blur. The daughter operates in a professional world governed by contracts and risk.

The mother operates in a social world governed by status and rivalry. They are evaluating the same situation through entirely different lenses.

Psychologist Mark Travers, Ph.D., writing for Psychology Today, explains that enmeshment occurs when relational boundaries blur and one person begins functioning as an extension of the other. In these dynamics, autonomy weakens, and personal limits are dismissed in favor of emotional closeness.

While Travers focuses on romantic relationships, the same patterns often appear in families, especially between parents and adult children. When identity becomes shared property, privacy can feel optional rather than essential.

Viewed through this lens, the daughter’s guilt makes sense. When someone raised in a blurred-boundary system asserts independence, it can feel like betrayal, even when it’s self-protection. Logging into the account may have violated relational trust, but the original fracture began when the NDA was dismissed, and honesty was withheld.

This situation isn’t really about “hacking.” It’s about boundaries, accountability, and adulthood. The harder question may not be who the villain is, but how adult children can protect their livelihoods while maintaining a connection with parents who struggle to respect limits. Where should love end and legal responsibility begin?

See what others had to share with OP:

These Redditors were furious, saying mom risked her daughter’s job for bragging rights

downbythesea113 − NTA, your mom crossed the line and could end up costing you your job. I would be livid.

warriorsfan1000 − NTA. Your mother knew damn well about the NDA.

She shouldn't have said a word. Her loud mouth could get you out of a job, or in legal trouble.

She LIED to you. SHE betrayed YOUR trust. What she did was horrible.

corgihuntress − NTA She broke her word, broke the NDA, broke your trust, all to have a pissing contest.

She jeopardized your job, your financial well-being, your reputation, and your future.

I would not feel comfortable telling her anything you wouldn't want to see plastered on the internet.

I also wouldn't tell your father or sister in case they pass any information on to your mom.

This group urged legal action and immediate disclosure to protect the nanny’s contract

liadantaru − NTA. I would recommend a CYA and tell the family what your mom did

and how you responded so that they know you didn’t have anything to do with it.

Misc-fluff − Report her to the family you work for this is a serious issue.

Also I wouldn’t say it was hacking as obviously she shared the password with you.

stardropunlocked − NTA I seriously hope you have a record of your mom's DM, because you're going to need it.

If not, get that screenshot or record ASAP. Then strict no contact with Mom.

Get a lawyer, and ask their advice before doing ANYTHING or telling anyone else.

Honestly, probably should delete this post too.

Signed, someone whose family has had our fair share of accidental legal problems

mysteresc − NTA and before you do anything else, contact an attorney about how to handle the situation.

You may have a contractual obligation to disclose that the NDA has been violated

and you need better guidance than what you'll find here.

Elfere − NTA. Holy s__t NTA. You might wanna absolutely should get a lawyer.

Holy s__t your mom has put you in an impossible situation.

These commenters stressed how NDAs can destroy careers if broken, even accidentally

SparklySlothGiraffe − NTA I don't think your mom gets how bad this.

I sign NDAs all day every day for my what I do. I work in hollywood and it part of the job.

Your mom doesn't get that her violating this NDA is not just breaking your the trust with this family.

It will ruin all potential job opportunities. It really will.

The chance of you being able to find another job after word gets out you violated an NDA. .

it won't be easy. Not at all. Also this is why my mom and I don't talk about my work at all.

Luckily I love 3k miles away so that helps.

Flippn_Freddy − NTA she legally broke a very binding and dangerous contract.

She is putting that family and most importantly those children in danger Worse is you dont know how amber will use that info.

Your family already hates her and sees her as toxic. Whats scary is having tk possibly tell your employer

They backed the nanny, arguing she gave her mom chances before checking the DMs

holyylemons − NTA. Ordinarily, I’m not a fan of snooping.

But she put your (apparently awesome) job at risk and potentially opened your family up to legal liability.

All to one up a frenemy. You needed to know

who the leak was in case anything got back to your employer.

Your mom is the one who cannot be trusted she is just trying to turn the tables on you.

[Reddit User] − NTA your husband is right. She literally could ruin your lives with that information.

[Reddit User] − NTA, your husband is right: you gave her a chance to come clean she didn't.

She could've easily endangered your job and the family you nanny for,

I mean the NDA is there for a reason. ..

This story isn’t really about “hacking.” It’s about how quickly pride can morph into liability. One Instagram message, sent in the spirit of competition, nearly unraveled a carefully built career.

Do you think the nanny crossed a line by checking the account, or was she protecting her future from a preventable disaster? And if a parent’s bragging could cost you everything, how would you handle it? Share your hot takes below.

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THIS STORY?

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THIS STORY?

OP Is Not The AH (NTA) 0/0 votes | 0%
OP Is Definitely The AH (YTA) 0/0 votes | 0%
No One Is The AH Here (NAH) 0/0 votes | 0%
Everybody Sucks Here (ESH) 0/0 votes | 0%
Need More INFO (INFO) 0/0 votes | 0%

Layla Bui

Layla Bui

Hi, I’m Layla Bui. I’m a lifestyle and culture writer for Daily Highlight. Living in Los Angeles gives me endless energy and stories to share. I believe words have the power to question the world around us. Through my writing, I explore themes of wellness, belonging, and social pressure, the quiet struggles that shape so many of our lives.

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