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Woman Orders Two Bridesmaid Dresses Just To Watch Her Family Freak Out Over One

by Annie Nguyen
March 25, 2026
in Social Issues

Weddings often bring families together, but for some, they can also expose deep-seated issues. One woman recently found herself caught in the middle of wedding drama that involved confusion over dress colors, manipulative behavior from the maid of honor, and a whole lot of family tension.

Despite being invited to be a bridesmaid, she quickly realized she was being sidelined and excluded from the important details of the wedding.

After discovering that the bride and her maid of honor had been setting her up for failure, she decided to take matters into her own hands. What followed was a chain of events that would leave everyone at the wedding scrambling to cover up their plans. Was it petty revenge, or did she have every right to expose the truth?

After family drama and confusing dress codes, one woman plays a strategic game at her brother’s wedding

Woman Orders Two Bridesmaid Dresses Just To Watch Her Family Freak Out Over One
not the actual photo

'WIBTA If I didn’t go to my brother’s wedding over a bridesmaid dress?'

I’m currently in medical school and live across the country from my brother/family.

I was surprised when his fiancé asked me to be a bridesmaid because I barely know her, but she wants to have all siblings in the wedding.

I made it clear that their wedding was during my final exam week,

and while I was able to get an accommodation to take my last two exams early I still wouldn’t be able to help much

with planning or be present at things like a bachelorette party/bridal shower.

She said this was fine, it would mostly just be to have an even number of bridesmaids to groomsmen and for pictures.

There’s a group chat that was created months ago that I would read through every couple of days

to get updates on things I needed to do, namely to order a bridesmaid dress.

Links were sent with three styles to choose from and we would be updated on colors later.

So a couple weeks go by and I ask what color to order, bride says she still thinking about it.

Couple more weeks go by and she's still thinking… then a couple more weeks. You get the idea.

Now it’s at the point that if I don’t order this dress in a couple of days it won’t be here in time.

So I ask on Saturday what color. No response in the group chat to me.

I asked again yesterday (Sunday) what color do I need to order?

Then I’m flooded with messages lambasting me for not ordering a dress yet, from her sisters and my sister and her.

My sister called me, told me to “get my sh*t together” and “order a dress already”

because my lack of preparedness is causing the bride intense anxiety

because she doesn’t think my dress will be here on time for the wedding now.

She texted me this morning, “don’t forget order your dress, love you” with smiling and kissing emojis.

Still, no one has told me what color! I’ve scoured the group chat for a mention of dress colors or an image of a dress

but only the maid of honor sent a photo of her dress and I don’t know if she has a special color.

There’s thousands of messages so it’s not simple to find anything.

Everyone else can meet in person so I assume the decision on color was relayed in person. I can’t tell if I’m being purposefully excluded?

About an hour ago my brother called me pleading with me to work things out with the bride because she’s panicking about me.

I tried to explain this to him and he told me he doesn’t care, its a petty ladies issue,

and since I’m not there for anything else this is the least I can do because the bride thinks I don’t like her

because I wouldn’t come to anything. He’s taking her side.

They know I’m in medical school, I have literally no say in my schedule. And I’m on the other side of the country, 5.5 hours by plane.

I’m fed up with them and contemplating telling my instructors the wedding was moved and I will take my exams at the regular time.

I’d have more time to study that way anyway. I haven’t told anyone in my family I’m considering this. WIBTA?

UPDATE: I called my mother and asked her what color the bridesmaid dresses are, she said lavender.

The only color option on the website that I would call lavender are named pearly lilac, periwinkle, and orchid purple.

I texted the maid of honor (bride’s sister) to ask what dress color

and got a multi-paragraph long lecture about not having ordered my dress yet.

Basically, they are trying so hard to accommodate me being across the country by including me in the group chat.

She said she didn’t remember the shade name but its a “dusty purple”

then sent a blurry picture of a wrinkled order confirmation, the shade name was “mulberry.”

On the dress website that is a darker wine/purple color. I told her this and she said to order the lighter dusty purple color.

I sent her a screen shot with the list of shade names and asked, “which of these?”

She said she didn’t know because everyone ordered their dress so long ago

and asked for pictures of the dresses in different shades from the website.

So I sent screenshots of all the light purple colors.

No response for a while so I called her on the phone, which she was upset about because its past 10pm over there now.

Her response was “look, I don’t care what your problem is with me and my sister

but if you want to stay in good standing with this family you need to get your ducks lined up girly.”

I ignored the lecture/comments and asked: “what color?”. Her response? “Light purple”.

Me: “of the three I sent, which one is it?”

Her: “I don’t remember, I’ll have to ask one of the other bridesmaids for her receipt, I’ll get back to you”.

I want to bash my head into a wall!

I called my second brother, the one not getting married.

He said they’re pulling similar things with him and he feels like he was deliberately

given the wrong dates for the bachelor party by the best man (bride’s brother) so that he would miss it.

He inadvertently learned about the changed date the morning of and

when he asked the best man he told him it must have slipped his mind to tell him.

Then joked that he wouldn’t have missed much since he probably won’t enjoy any of the “festivities” anyway.

They’ve been making h__ophobic jokes and comments to him

that he’s been ignoring but he thinks they’re trying to get him to back out of the wedding.

So if we both back out then there will be an even number of bridesmaids to groomsmen again. Only speculation on our parts of course...

Quick update: I was seriously considering pulling out, but the collective rage here and my fading motivation to study has me thinking…

by this point, with how this post took off, I wouldn’t be surprised if they find it at some point so I don’t want to reveal my cards just yet.

Thank you to the comments that gave me the idea. I guess I’ll be making an update mid June if it all goes to plan.

FINAL UPDATE: Thanks to some responses, I called the bridal salon and asked what colors were ordered.

Four dresses in the color “flint” one in “mulberry.” The MOH was setting me up to believe “mulberry” was the color of ALL the dresses.

So, I ordered one in mulberry and one in flint. I only let the MOH know I purchased a "mulberry" dress.

I caught a red eye to be there for the rehearsal. They had a room to get ready in the morning and wanted all the dresses stored there.

I show up with the mulberry dress. The bride begins crying because it’s “too late to fix it!”

She asks if I would be upset if asked to drop out because mulberry is for the MOH.

I pretended like I had made such a big mistake! I said, “I know a girl that works at the salon.

Let me call her and see if there’s anyway to make it right, and if not I’ll step down because I want you to have the perfect day.”

I show back up the next morning to start getting ready with the correct dress in tow.

“My friend looked in the back for me and they JUST had this returned yesterday, what are the odds!

Exact style, color and my size, it’s a sign!” Silence. Then an awkward, “that’s amazing.”

Now I’ll be honest, I thought the revenge would be that they had to have me and younger brother in the wedding and photos.

I couldn’t have planned the next part.

They had to explain to the makeup artist there was an additional bridesmaid meaning they planned from the beginning that I wouldn't be in this wedding.

The ceremony went fine. We took photos after.

Then, there were no place settings for me and little bro with the wedding party at the reception

since banked on one less bridesmaid and one less groomsman being present.

The table was almost not long enough, two chairs had to be thrown on the ends.

We didn’t get food Initially because we were actually in the seating plan at other tables so our plates were brought to those place settings.

I can tell my brother (groom) seems ticked off at the staff for seemingly

not having things set up properly but the bride and best man diverted his attention.

Before he (groom) left he found me and said he asked the MOH why the setting were wrong and he was told I

asked to be dropped from the wedding party weeks ago then showed up and demanded to be in the wedding.

I said I didn't ask to be dropped and showed him my phone where she gave me a thumbs up on the dress.

He noticed the screenshot was not the dress I was currently wearing so I said I had to last minute

switch it out after confusion on the color. He seemed satisfied with that.

They left on their honeymoon, and my brother returned several days early… alone. So, you can guess how that went.

Weddings are meant to celebrate a couple’s union, but the planning process often magnifies conflict rather than joy. What might have started as logistical confusion about a dress color turned into a symbol of broader disrespect and miscommunication.

For the OP, this goes beyond a dress, it’s about being included, respected, and coordinated with rather than left scrambling to interpret vague plans and expectations.

At the heart of this situation is a clash between individual commitments (like the OP’s medical school exams) and the collective expectations of the wedding party.

When the bride and her wedding party failed to clearly communicate something as simple as a dress color, it wasn’t just an oversight, it revealed a lack of coordination and awareness of the OP’s actual situation. Clear communication is essential in any relationship, and it becomes especially important when people live far apart and have conflicting obligations.

Unfortunately, the way this group communicated, vague group chats, delayed responses, and assumptions, made the OP feel disregarded rather than valued.

Research on wedding planning supports how stressful and conflict‑prone this process can be. According to experts, family involvement and planning stress often bring out frustrations and intensify minor disagreements, especially when people have different expectations about roles, responsibilities, or how decisions are made.

Wedding planning stress is common and can place significant strain on relationships, whether between the couple or within the wedding party itself.

Family dynamics can complicate matters further. Weddings often force couples and their families to negotiate whose preferences and priorities take precedence, which can lead to hurt feelings and a sense of alienation if someone feels ignored or excluded.

That tension can become especially acute when one person has a limited schedule and others do not adjust or communicate in a way that recognizes that constraint.

Communication breakdowns like this aren’t unique, they’re well‑documented in relationship psychology. How disagreements are handled makes a big difference in whether conflict strengthens or damages relationships. When communication is poor, emotional responses like anger, resentment, and stress are much more likely.

In contrast, when conflict is addressed with mutual respect and understanding, relationships tend to stay more intact. This underscores why the OP felt pushed into a corner, repeated unclear communication and frustration boiled over into a protest of being treated as an afterthought.

There’s also an important insight here about conflict and avoidance in families and close relationships: avoiding conflict or leaving issues unresolved can lead to increasing resentment over time. When one party feels their concerns are ignored or dismissed, the tension can either explode suddenly or slowly widen the emotional gap.

In this specific case, the OP’s frustration and consideration of not attending isn’t just about a dress, it’s about cumulative disrespect and lack of support during a stressful and important time in their life. Rather than refusing out of pettiness, the OP’s reaction reflects the emotional impact of feeling undervalued by their own family.

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

These commenters suggest taking a direct approach, either calling or messaging for the dress color

Legitimate_Essay_221 − Group Text: “I would LOVE to order my dress. I would have LOVED to order my dress a long time ago, in fact.

I don’t like being pushed to the wire anymore than anyone else, and I can see why this delay would particularly stress out the bride.

BUT, I have repeatedly, REPEATEDLY asked for the color of the dress and have not been given an answer.

As it has gotten closer, I have been chewed out by multiple people for not having a dress yet, but I still haven’t been given a color.

I don’t know what you want me to do without suddenly developing telepathy.

I am waiting for the color because I don’t want to disrupt the bride’s vision for her wedding if I guess incorrectly, and frankly,

I assume that I will also get chewed out if I guess and show up and in the wrong color.

I would really appreciate it if someone would use a single cell of common sense and tell me the color of the dress you want me to buy,

so I can be there for this wedding like I have wanted from the beginning.

I’m trying my best here, and while I am sure there is frustration on the bride/groom’s part, it is almost unfathomably frustrating to

be yelled at for not doing something while consistently being denied the information to accomplish that very thing.

Help me help you, or if it is too much, I don’t have to go.

Let me know the color within the next 24 hours or I’ll step down so you can find someone else, although I do want to be part of your wedding.

Let me know. ” NTA sweet CHRIST that was frustrating to just read, I can imagine you’re about to lose it right now.

EDIT: s__ew it, I read your other comments; if she doesn’t send you a straight-up screenshot of one of the dresses

so you can color-match within the next few hours they can pound sand because this is batshit fuckin crazy.

The only reason I’m rooting for you going to this wedding is because lavender was part of my wedding color scheme

and I think everyone looks fabulous in it and I’m also self-involved.

Edit 2: guys I rationally know not everyone looks good in lavender due to hair color/skin tone, etc.

but like I said I’m self-involved have lavender-tinted glasses and just think everyone looks amazing in my wedding color; I’m not delusional just selfish, I promise!

Edit 3: Now I’ve read your edit OP. Go scorched earth with these people. Stop communicating.

They’re being shady jerks on purpose for whatever reason and are treating you like garbage. S__ew that long ass group text I suggested.

Just say this: “You all can suck a fart straight out of my butthole, that’s your wedding gift;

don’t bother letting me know how it tastes because I’m not talking to any of you anymore” and then block them.

Go on vacation the day of the wedding. Get one of those thread braids in your hair.

Post so many pictures people start wondering if you’re okay. But you are, because you’ll be sipping a pina colada on the beach

instead of suffering through what amounts to a ceremonious soul-sucking from actual g__damn dementors.

These people could make a panda have a stress-induced heart attack.

Also thank you all so much for the awards, but I would probably not give me the wholesome award anymore

because my tone has now completely changed and I’m not feeling very wholesome on OP’s behalf.

I just told them to tell their family to eat their farts, so clearly this has got me worked up past a wholesome or helpful place.

TwilitSky − Black dress. Black veil. It goes with everything and you'll look super slim by comparison. Bonus: foreshadowing.

[Reddit User] − I'm getting second-hand anxiety just from reading your post. Why is no one telling you the color of the dress? ??

Suitable-Cod-1381 − I don't understand why they can't just tell you what color to order? NTA This is weird

This group emphasizes how the situation feels like a set-up to fail, and they recommend bowing out of the wedding if the issue isn’t resolved soon

Exhausted-Optimist − NTA! Call up your sister (that told you to get your sh! t together ) and ask her what color.

Also, your brother is an ass and a chauvinist with that “petty ladies issue” talk. It’s clear why you’re the sibling in Med school.

WhoFearsDeath − NTA. This feels like a phone call situation to me, either to the bride or one of the other bridesmaids.

Like, “hey Julie, I’m sitting here with a dress on my screen, I just need the color. What is it? ”

Bam. Done. If they don’t answer call your brother and say the same thing. Can’t order if you don’t know the color.

It’s not a “women’s thing”, it’s his wedding too. Why they are being weird is beyond me, but they are.

PrincessWaffleTO − NTA Not to be dramatic but she set you up for failure and hasn’t told your brother how much she f**ked up.

The choice to go to the wedding is yours but I wouldn’t go as a bridesmaid.

Independent-Top3524 − NTA Sounds like she doesnt really want you and is possibly a bridezilla.

If you have asked numerous times and he called but didnt tell her to call and tell you the color of the dress, text email etc.

It really seems bizarre that NO ONE can or will tell you the color of the dress. I would ask in the group chat.

If you dont get a response with the actual answer after 24 hours, politely bow out of the ceremony and tell them you can't wait to see them at the...

These users suggest that the bride might be sabotaging OP or playing games with the family

RCKitKat84 − NTA But, I have a question. Were you and your brothers close at all?

Because with what she is doing to you and your other brother, it almost sounds like she is trying to push you two away from the groom.

Like, it seems like she is purposely trying to make you and your brother look like jerks who couldn't be bothered to care or something.

I am almost getting vibe that she is trying to slowly cut his family out of the grooms life. This is setting off so many red flags in my head.

Maybe you should have a talk with your mom to see if

there has been any other signs of possible her either isolating the groom or other signs of possible abuse.

I'm not trying to jump to conclusions (she just maybe a b****), but the flags are a-flying.

annperkinsknope − I am confused as to why your own sister can’t tell you what color dress she ordered for herself - isn’t she also a bridesmaid?

And she has presumably ordered hers already? This almost feels like they’re trying to sabotage you. In any case NTA

[Reddit User] − I would send one last message. Short and sweet. I have not been told what colour dress to order.

If I have heard by tonight the dress won’t arrive and I will have to withdraw. Hope to hear from you.

Dozy_dinosaur − Post a picture of a white bridesmaid dress and tell them

that is the color your will buy UNLESS SOMEONE TELLS YOU WTF COLOR DRESS YOU SHOULD GET.

This group jokes about extreme measures (like faking illness) but also encourages OP to focus on their priorities, like exams, and avoid further stress

iguessijustgoonthen − F__k it. Just catch fake covid 5 days before the wedding and call it a day

[Reddit User] − NTA. Focus on your exams.

Her frustration is understandable. After all, she’s repeatedly asked for clarification on the dress color and has received no clear answers. Should she give in to the pressure and attend the wedding, or is walking away the best way to protect her well-being?

What do you think? Should she prioritize her education and mental health, or should she try to work things out with her family for the sake of the wedding? Let us know in the comments!

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THIS STORY?

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THIS STORY?

OP Is Not The AH (NTA) 0/0 votes | 0%
OP Is Definitely The AH (YTA) 0/0 votes | 0%
No One Is The AH Here (NAH) 0/0 votes | 0%
Everybody Sucks Here (ESH) 0/0 votes | 0%
Need More INFO (INFO) 0/0 votes | 0%

Annie Nguyen

Annie Nguyen

Hi, I'm Annie Nguyen. I'm a freelance writer and editor for Daily Highlight with experience across lifestyle, wellness, and personal growth publications. Living in San Francisco gives me endless inspiration, from cozy coffee shop corners to weekend hikes along the coast. Thanks for reading!

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