Growing up with siblings can create lifelong friendships, but it can also create painful relationships when conflict goes unresolved. While parents often hope their children will eventually reconnect, forcing closeness after repeated harm can sometimes have the opposite effect.
The original poster (OP) explained that she has reached a breaking point with her younger sister, who she describes as having severe anger problems and a history of explosive behavior. After an incident where OP says her sister physically attacked her, OP felt abandoned when her parents focused on OP’s reaction rather than the violence that happened beforehand.
During a conversation with her father, OP admitted she no longer feels like her sister is truly a sibling to her and does not want a relationship in the future if nothing changes. Now OP wants outside opinions on whether she is being cruel or simply setting a necessary boundary.
The father was asking his oldest daughter to repair a sibling relationship while refusing to address why she felt unsafe inside their home
Family relationships are often described as unconditional, but that does not mean every family member has unlimited access to someone else’s life. Love and boundaries can exist at the same time.
In this situation, the OP was not simply rejecting a younger sibling. She was expressing the emotional exhaustion that comes from feeling unsafe, unheard, and repeatedly expected to tolerate behavior that has caused real harm.
The central conflict is not really about whether siblings should be close. It is about what happens when one person’s struggles begin affecting another person’s sense of security. The OP’s father appears to view the situation through the lens of family loyalty and future regret. He believes patience now may lead to a stronger relationship later.
However, the OP experiences the relationship differently. She sees a pattern where her sister’s anger leads to aggression, her parents minimize the consequences, and she is expected to be the mature one regardless of what happens.
Her statement that she no longer sees Faith as a sister seems less like a lack of love and more like a response to feeling emotionally abandoned by the people who were supposed to protect her.
A different perspective is that both the OP and her father may be reacting from different fears. Her father may fear that his daughters will become permanently disconnected and that he will regret not encouraging reconciliation. Meanwhile, the OP may fear that being forced into forgiveness without accountability will continue a cycle where her own wellbeing is sacrificed.
In many families, the “responsible child” is often expected to absorb more because adults believe they can handle it. Over time, that expectation can create resentment because being older does not automatically make someone immune to harm.
Psychologist Nedra Glover Tawwab has written extensively about the importance of boundaries in relationships. She explains that healthy boundaries are not punishments or signs of rejection; they are limits that protect emotional wellbeing and define what behavior a person is willing to accept.
Her work emphasizes that maintaining a relationship does not require tolerating repeated disrespect or harmful actions.
This perspective helps explain why the OP’s desire for distance is understandable. Rebuilding a sibling relationship requires more than telling one person to be kinder.
It requires accountability, support, and a genuine effort to address harmful behavior. The younger sister’s struggles may deserve compassion, but compassion does not mean ignoring the impact her actions have had on others. At the same time, predicting that she will never change may also come from years of frustration rather than certainty about her future.
Ultimately, family bonds are strongest when they are built on safety and mutual respect, not obligation alone. The OP may not be able to force closeness with her sister, and her father cannot force forgiveness before trust has been repaired.
The most realistic path forward may involve protecting personal boundaries while leaving room for change if her sister eventually takes responsibility for her actions.
Here’s what Redditors had to say:
These commenters agreed that OP’s sister needs accountability and professional help rather than having her behavior excused
These users encouraged OP to prioritize safety, move out, and create distance from the unhealthy situation
These Redditors criticized the parents for blaming OP instead of addressing the sister’s harmful actions
These Redditors shared sympathy for OP’s trauma and supported choosing self-protection over maintaining a forced family relationship
Can a sibling relationship recover after years of violence if the aggressor eventually changes? Or have the parents already damaged that possibility by demanding forgiveness before accountability?
