Parenting often involves teaching children the balance between kindness and responsibility. Wanting to help others is a wonderful quality, but learning when and how to give is also an important lesson, especially when resources come from someone else’s hard work.
The original poster (OP) shared how her young daughter started her first period and was given everything she needed to feel prepared. However, OP later discovered that her daughter had been giving away large amounts of her feminine products to friends at school, leaving herself without enough supplies.
While OP admired her daughter’s generosity, she became frustrated after repeatedly replacing items that were meant for her daughter’s own needs. Now, OP is wondering if she was too harsh when setting boundaries or if she handled the situation appropriately. Scroll down to see what Reddit thought about this parenting dilemma.
A mother supports her daughter’s generosity, but must teach her that helping friends cannot leave her without essentials
Raising children often means teaching two lessons at the same time: how to care about others and how to care for themselves. Those lessons can sometimes seem like they conflict, especially when a child’s kindness starts creating problems for their own needs.
In this story, the OP was not upset because her daughter wanted to help friends. In fact, she clearly admired that quality. The concern was that her daughter’s generosity had reached a point where she was giving away resources that were purchased specifically for her health and comfort.
OP had prepared her daughter carefully for puberty, made sure she had supplies available, and created a system so she would never feel unprepared. Discovering that months of products had disappeared because her daughter was supplying other students likely felt frustrating, especially because OP works hard to provide for five children.
A different perspective is that the daughter’s behavior actually shows a strong sense of empathy. At 12 years old, she noticed that her friends were uncomfortable or unprepared and wanted to solve the problem. She may not have fully understood the difference between helping someone temporarily and taking responsibility for something that belongs to their family.
Children often see immediate needs more clearly than long-term consequences. To her, a friend needing a pad was urgent. To her mother, the concern was making sure her own child had enough supplies.
Child development experts often explain that children need guidance in balancing compassion with self-care.
Psychologist Carol Dweck has discussed how children develop through feedback that helps them understand their choices rather than simply labeling behaviors as good or bad. Encouraging positive intentions while teaching better strategies helps children maintain kindness while building responsibility.
This is why OP’s follow-up conversation was probably the most important part of the situation. She did not only criticize her daughter.
She later acknowledged that her generosity was a beautiful trait and explained that helping others should not leave her without what she needs. That distinction matters. The lesson was not “stop caring about your friends.” The lesson was “you cannot pour from an empty cup.”
A separate box of supplies specifically for emergencies at school could be a reasonable compromise, but it should still come with limits.
The daughter can learn that being supportive does not mean becoming the person responsible for solving every friend’s problem. She can offer one or two items, help a friend contact their parent, or encourage them to speak with a trusted adult.
The bigger lesson is that kindness without boundaries can eventually become self-neglect. The daughter appears to have a caring heart, and that is something worth protecting. But part of growing up is learning that generosity works best when it comes from a place of stability, not when someone quietly sacrifices their own needs.
OP was not teaching her daughter to be less compassionate. She was teaching her that compassion includes herself too.
Take a look at the comments from fellow users:
These commenters supported setting boundaries and teaching the daughter that helping others has limits
These users suggested involving the school to address students’ access to menstrual products
These Redditors highlighted concerns about people-pleasing and learning the value of money.
This commenter shared a personal experience and encouraged checking whether classmates lack support at home
Do you think the mother handled the situation fairly, or should she have created a separate supply budget for her daughter to share? How would you teach a child to stay kind without becoming overwhelmed? Share your thoughts below!
