Compromise sounds simple until two people disagree about whose plans should bend. Holidays can make that tension even worse because traditions carry emotional weight, and couples often have to balance extended family expectations with work, money, children, and their own limits. Sometimes the argument is not about the holiday at all, but about who is expected to make the sacrifice.
A Reddit user reached her breaking point after another disagreement with her husband over his yearly Thanksgiving hunting trip.
With a 3-year-old and a 14-month-old, she did not feel comfortable flying several hours alone with both children just to meet him after his hunt. Her husband saw the situation very differently and repeatedly accused her of getting her way year after year.
She initially wondered whether she was being unreasonable for standing firm. Then one unexpected discovery suggested that her husband had been keeping track of their Thanksgiving disputes far more carefully than she realized. Keep reading to see what happened next.
A mother resists flying alone with two young kids while her husband prioritizes his Thanksgiving hunting trip
Few things breed resentment faster than being told that someone else’s preferred lifestyle should automatically become another person’s responsibility. The wife is not preventing her husband from hunting or seeing his family.
She is saying that with a toddler and a 14-month-old, she does not want to manage airports, security, luggage, car seats, and a three-hour flight alone simply so his existing plans remain untouched. Her frustration comes from feeling that his tradition is treated as fixed while her limits are treated as obstacles.
His disappointment is understandable. Hunting with his father and brothers clearly carries emotional significance, and spending Thanksgiving with his extended family matters too.
But parenthood changes what traditions cost. Before children, flying separately worked. Now the same arrangement requires considerably more labor from his wife. Expecting family life to adjust while his personal tradition remains identical is not really compromise.
The phone note adds a revealing psychological layer. Remembering previous Thanksgivings is not inherently troubling, especially if the couple genuinely disagreed about facts. The problem is the meaning attached to that record.
Calling past circumstances examples of her “getting her way” transforms pregnancy, childhood illness, babies, and childcare limitations into victories against him. Instead of asking what is workable this year, he appears to be calculating when repayment becomes due.
Psychologist Mark B. Borg Jr., Ph.D., explains that relationship scorekeeping can emerge when stressed partners begin tracking what the other person received, failed to do, or supposedly owes.
Over time, this shifts a couple away from collaboration and toward competition, where both people become increasingly focused on unfairness and insufficient recognition. Borg argues that healthier repair requires accountability and returning attention to shared needs rather than maintaining a ledger of wins and losses.
The Gottman Institute reaches a similar conclusion about compromise between parents. Its guidance emphasizes identifying each partner’s core needs, remaining flexible elsewhere, and accepting that genuine compromise means both people normally gain something and surrender something.
That framework highlights what is missing here. The wife has already offered several arrangements in which her husband can hunt, celebrate Thanksgiving, or travel with his family. What she rejects is the one arrangement requiring only her to absorb the difficult part.
A realistic solution would begin by removing previous Thanksgivings from the bargaining table and evaluating this year’s constraints independently. Hunting, airfare, childcare, work schedules, and family visits all belong in the same negotiation. If one tradition can never move while everything else must bend around it, the couple is not deciding together.
Couples therapy seems especially reasonable here—not because either partner needs to “win,” but because a marriage cannot stay healthy for long when family decisions become debts waiting to be collected.
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
These Redditors suggested he travel alone with the kids so he understands how difficult it actually is
These commenters said becoming a parent means changing old traditions and accepting new responsibilities
These users agreed that flying alone with two very young children at Thanksgiving would be exhausting and unrealistic.
These Redditors proposed fairer alternatives, such as having his family travel or flying together after hunting
This mother is not saying her husband must abandon hunting, his father, his brothers, or Thanksgiving. She is saying that two small children changed the logistical equation.
Research on supportive coparenting suggests that relationships fare better when parents approach parenting stress as partners rather than adversaries.
The most concerning detail may therefore be less about airports and more about accounting.
If every pregnancy, illness, baby stage and changed holiday plan becomes an entry in a marital scorebook, compromise stops being cooperation and starts becoming repayment.
The question is not who “won” Thanksgiving from 2022 through 2025. It is what arrangement actually works for this family now. And if one person’s tradition is always treated as immovable, can the resulting plan really be called a compromise?
