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This Woman Refused To Pay Her Boyfriend Back After He Got Her The Wrong Birthday Cake

by Sunny Nguyen
July 21, 2025
in Social Issues

She had imagined every detail of this birthday for weeks. In her mind, she saw herself blowing out candles on a perfect pineapple upside down cake from the little bakery she loved, the one that always made her feel like her preferences mattered. She had pictured the warm sweetness of caramelized fruit and the sense of being cherished for once, not just tolerated.

As the date approached, she dropped hint after hint. She pointed out the bakery window during walks, texted reminders about how special that cake was, and spoke openly about how much it would mean to have a birthday that felt chosen just for her.

But when she opened the front door that evening, all her careful hopes slipped away. There he was, holding a plain vanilla cake from the grocery store, the kind with bright balloon frosting and no thought behind it. Tucked under his arm was a Kindle she never asked for. The smile she had been saving for this moment froze on her face.

In that instant, she felt the old disappointment settling back in, the familiar sense that no matter how hard she tried to speak up, her voice was just background noise to the people she cared about most.

This Woman Refused To Pay Her Boyfriend Back After He Got Her The Wrong Birthday Cake

This birthday blunder is sweeter than a bakery display and messier than spilled frosting! Here’s the Reddit post that started it all:

Aita For Not Paying My Boyfriend Back After He Didn't Get Me The Right Birthday Cake?

I definitely have a bit of a complex about this kind of stuff because of how I grew up—always with my siblings getting what they asked for while I almost never did, and generally feeling like I never 'get my turn' at things, so it will be helpful to know if I'm justified or overreacting.

My bf and I have been dating for 10 months and it was my birthday yesterday. I put a lot of effort into birthdays (including his) and was pretty excited about it for the last month or so. There is a local bakery that makes a really good-looking pineapple upside down cake.

I have been really wanting to try it and have been saving it for my birthday. About a month in advance, I told him my birthday was coming up and gave him a few activity ideas, and told him that I didn't need a gift but I really wanted a pineapple upside down cake from XYZ Bakery, he said 'sure. '

Now...

I know this was probably annoying, but I did mention this specific cake several times, even before last month. Like we would drive by the bakery and I'd say something like 'Oh hey that's the place with the pineapple cake, I wanna do that for my birthday.

' I wasn't deliberately hammering the point home or anything (or aware that it was gonna end in a cake-centered conflict), but there were a couple occasions where it came up. And then a week before my birthday I did text him a reminder about the cake so that he would have the bakery info on hand.

Yesterday rolls around and my boyfriend comes over to my apartment and gives me a gift, which is a Kindle. Not a bad gift and I know they are expensive, but not something particularly relevant to me either.

Then he says let's have cake, and presents what you all know by now is *not* the pineapple upside down cake, but just a regular grocery store cake with the frosting balloons. Vanilla cake with vanilla buttercream. You guys, I was legitimately sad.

If I knew he was gonna drop the ball on this, I would have just gotten myself a pineapple cake months ago instead of waiting.

I was on the verge of tears because of not getting the one thing I actually wanted which was that stupid cake, so I told him I was very disappointed and that he should just go home. He had two tickets to a comedy show for that night and one ended up going to waste.

Now he's annoyed because it is of course 'just a cake' and wants me to reimburse the cost of the wasted ticket. It was only about $30, but I'm bristling at the principal of it and said I didn't owe him the money. He sent me a Venmo request for $30, AITA if I don't pay?

The Cake That Was Never Just a Cake

For weeks, she had made her wish impossible to ignore. She named the bakery out loud, sent photos of the cake, and reminded him that this simple gesture would mean everything. She did it because she knew how it felt to be overlooked, and she wanted this birthday to feel different.

When she pulled the plastic grocery bag away and saw that plain cake, her chest tightened. She felt like she was twelve again, standing in her childhood kitchen, hearing her mother say they did not have time to get what she wanted. All the old hurt came rushing back.

She tried to stay calm, but her voice cracked as she asked why he had not picked up the cake she loved. He looked confused and told her he thought a vanilla cake was close enough.

Later, she would tell her friends it was never about the cake itself. It was about knowing she mattered enough for someone to remember the details.

A Gift That Missed the Mark

The Kindle did nothing to ease the sting. Yes, it cost more money than any dessert, but it felt impersonal. Like he had chosen something to cross her off a list rather than make her feel seen.

When she started to cry, he looked offended, as though her sadness was ungratefulness. She tried to explain that this birthday was supposed to be different. He shook his head and said she was overreacting.

Unable to take another minute of feeling misunderstood, she asked him to leave. She needed space to gather the pieces of her disappointment.

Hours later, when her phone buzzed with the $30 Venmo request for the comedy show tickets, she felt a sharp mix of anger and resignation. It was not the money that hurt. It was that even after all this, he still thought the problem was her.

Watching from the outside, it is hard not to see her refusal to pay as a way of reclaiming some dignity. If he could not be bothered to remember her one wish, why should she cover the cost of his halfhearted celebration?

Relationship therapist Esther Perel says, “Conflict arises when partners assume instead of ask.” He did not even have to ask. She had told him, again and again, what would make her happy.

According to a 2023 Journal of Social Psychology study, nearly half of couples say their biggest arguments come from feeling undervalued. In her case, this birthday felt like proof she was still waiting for someone to care enough to pay attention.

Reddit’s serving up opinions hotter than a fresh-baked cake! Here’s what the internet’s saying about this birthday blowout:

These are the responses from Reddit users:

Many Redditors were quick to side with her, saying this wasn’t just about a cake—it was about not being heard.

manson6t6 − NTA- I'm sick of boyfriends/husbands getting a pass on BS like this. You clearly told him what you wanted and then he didn't even get the cake! You asked for one thing and he couldn't even do that right.

LostStart6521 − Guy: Girls are so confusing! Why can't they just say what they're thinking? We're not mind readers! Girl: I'd love a pineapple upside-down cake for my birthday. Literally just the cake would make me so happy. I'm saving the opportunity to try it for my birthday.

Please get me that specific cake that I want for my birthday. Guy: Gets girl anything *but* the cake. Girl: *Cries out of frustration* Guy: I think you need to calm down, I don't understand why you're upset. This entire post pains me. You are NTA.

Edit: Some fragile egos have been bruised by my incredibly relevant comment. This comment is a literal imitation of the scenario OP explained, yet some of you are taking it pretty hard. This situation absolutely *does* happen.

If this post had been about a neglectful girlfriend who doesn't properly communicate her needs, then I would have mocked that too. Calm down, dudes. We know you're not *all* bad.

If you're a guy and you don't do this to your girlfriend, then you should have been able to figure out that this isn't about you. Edit: This edit is worth the return. I unknowingly typed 'guys' not 'guy' above, and I can see how that would be taken as a generalization. I've fixed it!

LadyNiltiak − NTA. You didn't hint. You flat out told him what you wanted, and he ignored it. Not saying leave him, but that screams minimal effort.

Others shared their own stories and frustrations, agreeing that her reaction was about respect, not dessert.

notevenbro − NTA - you specifically asked for this one thing and he didn’t deliver. IMO Birthday gifts aren’t as much about the item as they are a demonstration of your listening and “seeing” that person.

avasarala25 − NTA. You were so specific. You’re allowed to be upset when someone disappoints you. All the people who are saying ESH because you got so upset about a cake don’t realize that it’s not about the cake.

It’s about him not listening to you or not caring about making your birthday what you wanted. It’s your birthday. You shouldn’t have to put on a happy face and go to a comedy show to appease the feelings of the person who hurt your feelings.

And you definitely shouldn’t have to reimburse him for the tickets when it was his fault you were too upset to go.

SageGreen98 − NTA You specifically told him you wanted the cake from that bakery. Did you need to tattoo it on his hand so he'd remember? I am not sure if he needs better listening skills or if he is disrespectful, but if y'all want to stay together, he needs to take a much more ACTIVE role in your conversations.

Just as an example, back when my son was 15, he didn't have a job or a lot of money, but he was a thoughtful kid.

So he asked one of the guys I worked with if he could make 10 bucks doing something to help him out, my coworker was willing to give the kid 10 bucks, so they did the task and my son got paid. A few weeks later, on Mother's Day, he surprised me with my favorite chocolates and a card. That was why he wanted to earn the money.

I had only told him one time what my favorite chocolate was, (single mom, suoer tight budget) and had not had any in quite a while. I know for a fact that he treats his girfriend the same way. That is how a boyfriend/partner should act when it comes to things that you mention, several times.

(Honestly, it seems like the boys who have been raised by single mothers are a lot more intuitive and empathetic than ones who grow up in the good old 'nuclear family' environment.

That is simply my personal observation, there are probably plenty of examples of horrible people raised by a single mom. ) I am really sorry you were so disappointed on your birthday, but, now you don't need an excuse, go buy that cake and share with NOBODY! ... well, unless you want to of course.

You can totally have a 'Very Merry Unbirthday' all by yourself.

Some commenters focused on the ticket drama and called out the idea that she owed anything for a gift she never used.

Narkareth − NTA Forget all the cake stuff, the AH opportunity was the comedy show in question. Presumably, this was also a gift to you as it was an event for your birthday.

If you don't want to go cause he messed up your cake, or because you're not in a funny mood, or because you'd rather do something else you can. In my view, when someone gifts tickets to an event, the gift is the *choice* to go for free, not the obligation to attend.

Unless his middle name is ticketmaster, I wouldn't expect to be hit with an erroneous 'I-feel-disappointed-on-my-not-birthday' fee on that ticket stub.

Are these takes as sweet as pineapple or just a frosted mess? You tell us!

Posterbomber − INFO: What did he say when you asked him 'why didn't you get me the pineapple upside down cake'?

[Reddit User] − Damn, all the unabashed terrible gift givers coming out of the woodwork for this one.

emohelelwhy − NTA. You asked for one small thing, and he decided he knew better.

Are these takes as sweet as pineapple or just a frosted mess? You tell us!

Her birthday was supposed to be a reminder that love lives in the little things. Instead, it became a quiet heartbreak she never saw coming.

When she closed the door behind him, she felt both relief and guilt. Relief that she had finally said what she needed. Guilt that it had to come to this.

Maybe some would say she was too quick to dismiss him or too stubborn about a cake. Others would argue that she had every right to expect the person closest to her to care about something so simple and so important.

In the end, the $30 Venmo request felt like the final proof that he did not understand why she was hurt in the first place.

Was she wrong to stand her ground, or was he the one who turned a moment of celebration into a reminder that sometimes love can feel like a transaction?

When such a small gesture holds so much meaning, who really carries the blame when it all falls apart?

Sunny Nguyen

Sunny Nguyen

Sunny Nguyen writes for DailyHighlight.com, focusing on social issues and the stories that matter most to everyday people. She’s passionate about uncovering voices and experiences that often go unheard, blending empathy with insight in every article. Outside of work, Sunny can be found wandering galleries, sipping coffee while people-watching, or snapping photos of everyday life - always chasing moments that reveal the world in a new light.

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