A Redditor recently shared a dilemma that sparked intense debate. Their wife is 16 weeks pregnant with their first child, and the couple has been negotiating how to use their family leave.
Both are entitled to eight weeks of leave within the first year after the baby’s birth.
The wife’s plan is simple: she would take all eight weeks immediately after birth, while the Redditor would take two weeks at the same time as her recovery and the remaining six weeks once she returns to work.
This arrangement is intended to avoid putting the baby in daycare before 14 weeks of age – a crucial period for bonding and adjustment.
Here’s The Original Post:
The Redditor, however, had another idea. They want to use two weeks of paternity leave to visit family out of state, without using vacation days.
They offered two options: take six weeks once the mother returns to work but skip the first two weeks, or take two weeks off at birth and four weeks later.
They argue that the difference between daycare starting at 12 or 14 weeks is negligible and that seeing family – who lives far away – is important.
“It’s not about prioritizing my family over the baby,” they wrote. “I’m still dedicating six weeks to the baby. Plenty of bonding time will happen. My wife’s dislike of my family is influencing her view, I think.”
Expert Insight
Research supports the importance of early paternal involvement. A study in Pediatrics (2017) found that fathers who take paternity leave are more likely to remain actively engaged in childcare long-term, improving social, emotional, and cognitive outcomes for children.
Dr. Kristin R. Lauritzen, a family therapist, explains:
“The first weeks postpartum are physically and emotionally taxing for the mother. A father’s presence is crucial for both the mother and baby.
Using paternity leave for personal travel undermines the intent of the policy and can create long-lasting resentment.”
The U.S. Department of Labor also highlights that family leave is designed to support the newborn and strengthen family bonds, not serve as an alternative vacation.
The Other Side
From the Redditor’s perspective, visiting family is a rare opportunity. Long-distance relatives may only see them once or twice a year, and using leave instead of vacation preserves vacation days for later. They argue that total bonding time with the baby remains sufficient.
However, experts caution that timing is critical. The newborn’s first weeks require both parents’ attention. Even short absences can add stress and risk for the mother, especially if she is balancing recovery, childcare, and work preparation.
These are the responses from Reddit users:
The responses were overwhelmingly critical.
Other commenters emphasized the reality of early parenthood: sleepless nights, feeding schedules, emotional stress, and physical recovery.
Many criticized the idea of using paternity leave for personal travel instead of supporting the mother and bonding with the newborn.
![[Reddit User] − Ha, your wife knew you’d get shredded on here, lol. YTA](https://dailyhighlight.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/11/wp-editor-1762852700826-30.webp "A Man Tried to Use His Paternity Leave for a Vacation Instead of Staying With His Newborn")
The Verdict
The consensus from Reddit and experts alike: using paternity leave for a personal trip at the expense of supporting the mother is considered selfish and inappropriate. Early paternity leave is meant to ensure the mother and child are cared for during a vulnerable period.
As one Redditor, young_coastie, put it:
“Paternity leave isn’t so you can f__k off to your family for two weeks and leave your wife home alone with a newborn. You’re being delusional. YTA.”
Key Takeaways
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Paternity leave is for family, not vacation.
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Early involvement benefits both baby and mother.
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Leaving a newborn and recovering mother alone can cause stress and resentment.
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Timing matters: the first weeks are critical for bonding, support, and adjustment.
