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A Small Stationery Choice Leads to a Big Office Conflict Over Personal Boundaries

by Marry Anna
February 6, 2026
in Social Issues

Navigating the social landscape of a modern office can sometimes feel like walking through a room full of glass ornaments. We all bring our own histories, victories, and sensitive spots into the breakroom with us every morning. It is often a lovely mix of personalities, but occasionally, those different life paths cross in ways that are hard to predict.

A Redditor recently shared a story about how a simple plastic pen turned a regular Tuesday into a deeply uncomfortable standoff. After working incredibly hard on her own health journey, she found herself being asked to hide the very thing that helped her succeed. Her colleague, who has faced her own challenges with food, felt the pen was a bridge too far for her comfort.

The interaction raises some very interesting questions about what we owe to our peers and how we manage our own difficult emotions in public spaces. It is a story that truly invites us to look at both sides of a very personal coin.

The Story

A Small Stationery Choice Leads to a Big Office Conflict Over Personal Boundaries
Not the actual photo

AITA for telling my colleague that she can't expect everyone to make an effort to avoid "triggering" her?

I (25F) work with Rosa (early 20s, F). We get on well enough at work, but I do not enjoy spending a lot of time with her for various reasons.

For context: I used to be severely obese, to the point where even getting up and walking short distances was painful.

I have lost a lot of weight and am very proud of myself, having attended a weight-loss group for over a year,

but I don't bring it up in conversation unless someone else mentions it first. Rosa told me when we first met that she had overcome an eating disorder, anorexia.

I congratulated her and said that she is very strong and I am happy for her. Nothing more was said after that.

One morning at work, I took a pen out of my pocket so I could tick some things off a list.

My pen happened to have the logo of the weight loss group I joined on it (I think I took it home from one of our meetings).

Rosa saw the pen and asked "do you go to that club?" to which I replied "yes, it's helped me have a healthier mindset about food."

Rosa looked upset, almost angry? and said "Can you use a different pen? Seeing things about weight loss really triggers me."

I just kind of looked at her like... are you serious? I also didn't have another pen in my pocket.

I tried to be sensitive to her past, but was also a bit irritated, so I said "I understand,

but you are bound to come across things that trigger you in the real world, it's literally just a pen with a logo on it."

You can't expect everyone to make a conscious effort to avoid triggering you, life doesn't work like that."

Rosa looked really annoyed at this point and stormed off, I don't know where she went, if she went to report

me to management or whatever, I don't know. I've tried looking at both sides of this argument in my head, but I need

another opinion. AITA? TL;DR - My colleague asked me to not use a pen with the logo of a weight loss group on

it because it triggered her, due to her experience with anorexia. I told her it's just a pen and she is

going to come across many things in life that trigger her. EDIT: WOW, this post gained a lot more attention than I

thought it would. The votes seem pretty split, which doesn't surprise me all that much. I took the time to read

every single comment, and there's some info I would like to add, for clarification's sake. Firstly, which I should have explicitly

stated: The pen has 0 significant impact on me. No sentimental value, symbolism or anything like that. It is just a

pen that I stole from my group, and happened to be the pen that I pulled out of my bag that morning

before stepping onto the floor at work. I was not trying to proudly flaunt my weight-loss. Secondly, Rosa's eating disorder and her

experience with it is completely valid. The comments suggesting that she is making it up for attention are misguided and incorrect.

Thirdly, I didn't want to shed too much light on the reasons I am not too keen on Rosa. I thought that

was the best way to keep the voting as impartial as possible. My reasons for not liking her very much are

irrelevant to the discussion at hand. Finally, I appreciate all of the feedback, even those who said I was TA.

I don't think I lack empathy, but I will admit that I could have just kept my mouth shut.

I also haven't brought the pen to work since this occurred (Wednesday).

And it would appear that Rosa did not go to management about this situation.. I think that's everything.

This story really touches on a very modern dilemma. It feels so heartening to hear about a successful journey toward health and a “healthier mindset about food.” That is such a massive accomplishment that takes daily bravery. At the same time, hearing about a recovery from anorexia reminds us just how much hidden strength people are carrying around in their office chairs every day.

It is quite a sad situation because both women are essentially fighting for the same goal, which is a peaceful relationship with their bodies. The clash over a pen logo feels like a moment where two ships are passing in the dark. It is easy to see why the daughter felt a bit defensive about her success. However, it is also understandable why her coworker felt a sharp pinch of pain when seeing the logo. It is a situation that needs a lot of gentleness.

Expert Opinion

This interaction touches on a concept called the “locus of control.” In psychology, people with an internal locus of control believe they are responsible for their own reactions to the world. Experts suggest that as part of recovery, individuals often learn that while triggers are real and painful, they are ultimately responsible for navigating them.

According to a report by Healthline, a trigger is an external stimulus that can cause a sudden emotional spike. It is a very common experience. A 2021 study on workplace wellness noted that nearly 60 percent of employees say they have encountered a “trigger” at work that impacted their mood for the day. However, experts generally advise that total avoidance is rarely a long term solution for emotional health.

Dr. Elizabeth Pratt, a specialist in behavioral health, suggests that “it is important to build a toolbox of coping skills rather than trying to build a world where the trigger never appears.” This aligns with the idea that while we can be kind and use a different pen, the world at large will always contain logos, advertisements, and conversations that might feel uncomfortable.

It is a delicate balance of empathy. On one hand, switching a pen is a tiny act of kindness that could make someone’s day easier. On the other hand, the Redditor’s point about the “real world” being unpredictable is factually true. Recovery from food related issues often requires learning to exist in a society that is constantly talking about weight loss.

Offering neutral advice for this situation would involve suggesting that both parties take a step back to see the other’s progress. One woman sees a logo of victory; the other sees a symbol of fear. Neither is technically “wrong” about how they feel, but their communication styles could perhaps benefit from a bit more warmth.

Community Opinions

The online community had a lot to say about where the line should be drawn regarding personal triggers in the workplace. Many users felt that the Redditor’s stance was a bit sharp, but ultimately grounded in a necessary truth about life.

Many felt that managing one’s own triggers is a personal journey rather than a group task.

notreallymexican − NTA It may be a harsh truth, but it's still a truth: You are not responsible for managing her trauma. That's what therapists are paid for.

Free_Thinker4ever − It's her job to manage her triggers. Not yours. NTA.

TeenySod − NTA, and you're right, she can't expect the world to revolve around her.

blackwillow-99 − NTA it's the truth. She needs to deal with her issues and not push or make others uncomfortable.

Commenters with similar histories shared how important it is to learn to coexist with triggers.

trophygoth − as someone who is disablingly mentally ill, it really irritates me when people expect others to go out of their way to avoid making them uncomfortable...

part of being traumatized — and a HUGE part of recovery — is learning to live with your trauma. if you can't confront your trauma, you will never get better....

dogboyenthusiast − NTA and I’m saying that as a fellow recovering anorexic/bulimic. There are a lot of things I encounter throughout the day that trigger me...

the point of recovery is to get to a place where you’re not bothered by any mention of food or weight, two topics that are IMPOSSIBLE to avoid in the...

– trying to avoid them is the opposite of what she should be doing.

Some users wondered if the coworker’s reaction was about more than just a pen.

ceziate − NTA. She wasn't triggered she was being performative.

If someone is actually triggered they don't have time to ask questions about your club membership.

It was a bizarre dominance move because it was clearly about it being your pen rather than what the pen's theme was.

Significant-Stage-54 − NTA. But what does that mean “she struggles with criticism” who doesn’t?

No one likes to be criticized. Does she say this so no one can take up for themselves when her entitlement comes out?

Silent_Surround_2393 − NTA. She's trying a power move already.

A few voices suggested that being technically right might not always be the kindest choice.

Rainyli − NTA... With that being said, it would be kind to use a different pen since that one makes her uncomfortable.

It's not a huge deal to switch pens if you have the option. You don't have to though.

[Reddit User] − NTA. She didn't have to look at the pen.

How to Navigate a Situation Like This

When emotions start to flare up at work over something as small as a pen, it is usually a sign of deeper waters. If someone shares that they are feeling triggered, it can be helpful to listen with a soft heart. You don’t have to agree with their request to acknowledge that they are going through a difficult time.

You might say something like, “I had no idea this pen was upsetting for you. I’m happy to use a different one because I want our workspace to feel good for both of us.” This acknowledges her feeling without making her feel like a burden. Setting boundaries doesn’t have to be a firm or “stern” event; it can be a gentle way of finding a middle ground where both people’s health journeys are respected.

Conclusion

In the end, this story is about how we coexist with each other’s difficult histories. It is clear that both of these women have worked very hard on themselves, even if their goals currently seem to clash. While the Redditor’s words were perhaps a bit blunt, she was certainly trying to stay true to her own sense of progress.

How would you feel if a coworker asked you to stop using something that represented your greatest achievement? Do you think the world is becoming too focused on “triggers,” or is this just a necessary step toward being more compassionate to one another? Let’s have a friendly chat about it in the comments.

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THIS STORY?

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THIS STORY?

OP Is Not The AH (NTA) 0/0 votes | 0%
OP Is Definitely The AH (YTA) 0/0 votes | 0%
No One Is The AH Here (NAH) 0/0 votes | 0%
Everybody Sucks Here (ESH) 0/0 votes | 0%
Need More INFO (INFO) 0/0 votes | 0%

Marry Anna

Marry Anna

Marry Anna, a lively writer at DAILY HIGHLIGHT, is known for his energetic style in entertainment journalism. With a focus on accuracy, Marry Anna explores celebrities' lives, providing unique insights and interviews.

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