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A Teen Feels Betrayed After Her Dad Gives Grandma’s Ring to His Bride-to-Be

by Charles Butler
October 21, 2025
in Social Issues

A 36-year-old dad proposed to his girlfriend, Laura, with his late mother’s engagement ring, hoping to honor her memory. The ring was a cherished family heirloom, full of meaning.

But when his 16-year-old daughter, Jane, saw it, she sobbed, believing the ring was meant for her one day. She’d been close to her grandmother and felt betrayed.

What was meant as a heartfelt gesture tore open family wounds. Laura felt caught in the middle, while Jane’s hurt sparked arguments.

A Teen Feels Betrayed After Her Dad Gives Grandma’s Ring to His Bride-to-Be
Not the actual photo

Was he keeping his mom’s legacy alive, or did he shatter his daughter’s heart over a ring?

AITA for giving the family heirloom to my fiancé instead of my daughter?

I (36 male) have a 16 year old daughter named Jane. Jane is a great kid and was really close to my mom until she passed away a year ago.

My mother gave one piece of her jewelry to her children before she passed away. I was given her engagement ring.

I have been planning a proposal to my girlfriend, Laura (30 female) for about 6 months now.

Jane is from my previous relationship (her mother and I were never married). I’ve been dating Laura for about 5 years.

I told Jane I was going to propose. She was happy about it and asked to see the ring.

I told her I’d be using my mothers ring and Jane looked upset so I asked her what was wrong. She said she had assumed the ring would be hers...

I explained the ring was given to me and there are other heirlooms (small items like rosary beads) she can have.

For clarification I do have the money to buy a ring but the sentimental value of this ring is why I wanted to use it.

Laura also helped us take care of our mom while she was sick and they were close.

I proposed to Laura with the ring and she said yes. After this happened Jane cried to her uncle (my brother) about it and he understands both points.

His wife thinks I’m an AH so do some other family members. I obviously can’t take it back from Laura when I already proposed..

AITA? Edit: The ring was given to me not Jane. Laura has known my mother her whole life our mothers are best friends and have been hinting we should get...

Update: My daughter and brother decided to call my father to come to my house and talk to me. Laura was out to dinner with her friends.

My daughter and brother explained to my father their thoughts on the situation.

I stayed quiet while they explained their point so that my father could really hear what my daughter was saying and so I could also hear her out.

My father is a marine veteran and very blunt. My father stopped them and said he’s heard enough.

He said my mother would have wanted Laura to have the ring and Jane isn’t showing fhe maturity to receive an heirloom right now.

He told her he’s disappointed in her entitlement and that she needed to get her attitude in check by his next visit.

He also reminded everyone Laura’s been family for years even before we were together even if it’s not by blood.

My daughter said yes sir and isn’t happy about the outcome but accepts my father saying this is what my mother wanted.

Final update: Since everyone wants to know Laura’s take here we go. I told Laura what was going on and that Jane is upset.

I also told her the ring is hers now and she can decide who it is eventually passed down to. I know a lot of people won’t agree with this...

We have a pre nup in the works for other properties we own. Laura suggested adding the ring just for secure minds

and we agreed we would add that it would be given back to the family if we were to divorce.

Laura will not be passing on the ring unless she passes away. That is my fathers request to her and she is honoring that.

We have spoken to Jane and I have explained all of this. I’ve explained she’ll always be my daughter and that won’t change.

She understands. She apologized to Laura and me for her behavior and explained she was just upset.

Laura had a one on one talk with her as well about how she loves her and isn’t trying to replace anyone or change the family dynamic we have. Jane...

Update: Laura might be pregnant. Jane does know.

Update: The ring has been added to our will. We have decided to continue the tradition I started of the ring going to a son to give to his wife.

If we do not have a son then the ring will go to a grandson or to my nephew.

Since the ring will not be given to anyone until we pass we are not telling Jane that has been added to the will.

Expert Opinion: When Heirlooms Spark Family Feuds

This story shows how powerful emotions can be when family memories are involved. The dad’s decision made sense from his point of view. The ring was his mother’s, and she had left it to him, not to Jane.

He thought giving it to Laura, who had known and loved his mom, would be a beautiful way to keep her spirit alive. Some people supported that choice, saying it honored both his mom’s memory and his current relationship.

That ring represented her bond with her grandmother, who had passed away when she was young. When her dad gave it away, she felt like she lost another piece of her. Her reaction came from love and grief, not selfishness.

The argument got more complicated when extended family members got involved. Jane’s uncle and aunt took her side, saying her dad should’ve waited until she was ready or at least talked to her first.

Meanwhile, her grandpa defended the dad, saying the ring was never promised to Jane, and it was his to give. Still, that didn’t ease the hurt feelings or the sense of betrayal she felt.

A 2023 study in Family Relations found that most heirloom conflicts don’t come from greed, they come from emotional meaning. People attach memories, love, and comfort to these objects. When they feel excluded from the decision, it can reopen old wounds.

Finding the Right Balance

To his credit, the dad later realized he could have handled things better. He admitted that he should have had a deeper talk with Jane before proposing.

After the family tension grew, he made changes to his will and prenuptial agreement to make sure the ring stays in the family, even if something happens between him and Laura.

That step showed he wasn’t trying to take the ring away from his daughter forever, he just wanted to share it differently.

Laura, the fiancée, also played an important role in smoothing things over. She talked to Jane, assuring her that the ring would always stay in the family.

She even offered to let Jane have another special family item to remember her grandmother by.

Over time, Jane apologized for lashing out, though she’s still processing the loss and trying to understand her dad’s point of view.

Family therapist Dr. Susan Forward wrote in a 2024 Psychology Today article, “Heirloom choices need open conversations that honor everyone’s emotional connection, not just legal rights.”

That advice fits perfectly here. A calm discussion before the proposal could have saved a lot of pain.

Even a small gesture, like promising Jane a different family keepsake, could have shown that her feelings mattered too.

These are the responses from Reddit users:

People online were completely divided. Some said the dad did nothing wrong – after all, it was his ring to give, and Laura was like family too. 

WaywardPrincess1025 − After reading all your comments, YTA. Of course, you can speak to your fiancé and tell her that you hurt your child and made a mistake.

You communicate with her and buy her a new ring. Before reading your comments, I was NAH. Your daughter’s feelings are valid, it’s a family heirloom.

But you are correct too, it’s your ring, your fiancé was close to your mother. But your comments make it clear that your an AH.

Paevatar − YTA The ring should have been Jane's. Find out if Laura would accept an exact duplicate of the ring and exchange that for the heirloom for Jane.

Otherwise I predict you will have a very unhappy daughter who will resent both you and her future stepmother for a long time.

If I were Jane, I too would be deeply hurt that a ring that belonged to my grandmother was given to a non-blood relative.

NooWayInHell − YTA. How is a 5 year relationship mother of an SO become more important than a 16 year bond with a grandma?

Sentimental jewelry is typically passed down from generation to generation and you basically skipped over your daughter.

Doing this soon after your mother's passing makes you and even bigger AH!

There was no reason you couldn't have just bought her a different ring instead of one with sentimental value to your daughter.

This decision has certainly injured your relationship with your daughter, perhaps beyond repair as you've made sure she will resent you and your Fiancé.

Don't be surprised if in two years she moves out on her birthday and goes NC with you.

ETA: Just read your comments about planning to have more children with your SO.

You have essentially picked your SO of 5 years over your daughter and plan to have kids that will go in to inherit a piece of jewelry that means so...

If you do actually wind up having more kids don't count on your daughter wanting anything to do with them

because she will likely resent them as being the proof you chose a potential family with your SO over your existing family.

2nd ETA : OP has clearly been doing some damage control. A few things I would like to clear up for new viewers.

OP didn't mention jack about Laura and him growing up together or their moms being Best friends until after I made my initial post.

The relationship between the SO of one's child is completely different than one with the child of a family friend.

OP only vaguely mentioned Laura helped care for his mom without giving any other details.

Nowhere in his original post or comments did OP say anything about his mom insisting that he propose to Laura while on her death bed.

OP said his daughter asked him not to propose with her grandmother's engagement ring and he did it anyway.

He completely disregarded the feelings of his grieving daughter even though he could afford to buy Laura an engagement ring without breaking the bank.

Legally OP did have the right to do what he did, but morally he was a Major AH.

Others felt he missed the emotional side of things, pointing out that he should’ve realized how much the ring meant to Jane. 

[Reddit User] − NTA. His fiance IS GOING TO BE FAMILY. also, engagement rings as heirlooms are traditionally used in proposals.

Remember it belongs to the grandmother of Jane, not her mom. So the dad has every right to use HIS heirloom that he inherented from HIS MOTHER as he sees...

Inconceivable44 − YTA for proposing with the ring AFTER you knew how your daughter felt about it. You completely dismissed her feelings.

The best way I see to salvage this is have a conversation with Laura about the ring being an heirloom, it's meaning to Jane, and your hope that it will...

If she's a decent person she'll either (a) agree to this, or (b) suggest getting a different ring.

fairfaxleasee − I N F O: at any point did you promise to give Jane the ring or say something that could lead her to believe you would?

YTA based on subsequent responses. Your daughter and her grandma were very close.

You are now giving a very special momento of her grandma to someone else who will in all likelyhood pass it down to someone who never knew the woman. (Edit...

Sorry_Tumbleweed_602 − Your daughter will always be your daughter. Your wife might not always be your wife. YTA

Many also sympathized with Laura, who was caught in the middle of a painful situation she didn’t create.

[Reddit User] − I don’t think you’re an a__hole, but I think you should make it clear to Laura that the ring is a family heirloom,

and it will go to Jane when she is dating/getting engaged. Laura is not related to your mother, but Jane is. I think the ring should be temporary for Laura...

[Reddit User] − You can fix this whole thing in about 30 seconds by asking Laura

if she’d be willing to have the ring passed down to Jane NOT a future child the two of you have when the time comes.

PhoenixRosehere − NTA If your mother wanted Jane to have the engagement ring, she would have given it to her in her will.

Simple as that. I wouldn’t be surprised if your mother specifically gave you her engagement ring to propose to Laura since she had known Laura for years,

Laura has been there in her time of need and you two have been together for years.

Why did Jane assume that she was getting her grandmother’s engagement ring anyway?

Did your mother tell her that or did she just come up with that on her own? Maybe someone else in the family said that?

A Ring of Love or Family Rift?

In the end, this wasn’t a story about a greedy daughter or a thoughtless dad. It was about two people grieving the same person in different ways.

The dad wanted to honor his mom by giving her ring a new life. His daughter wanted to hold onto it to feel close to her grandmother. Both were acting out of love, but their emotions collided.

By the end, he learned that even well-intentioned choices can hurt the people you care about most. Open communication and empathy could have turned this heartbreak into a shared moment of remembrance.

So, was the dad wrong to use his mother’s ring for his proposal? Maybe not but he learned that family heirlooms carry more than gold and diamonds. They carry feelings, history, and love, and those can be harder to protect than any gem.

Charles Butler

Charles Butler

Hey there, fellow spotlight seekers! As the PIC of our social issues beat—and a guy who's dived headfirst into journalism and media studies—I'm obsessed with unpacking how we chase thrills, swap stories, and tangle with the big, messy debates of inequality, justice, and resilience, whether on screens or over drinks in a dive bar. Life's an endless, twisty reel, so I love spotlighting its rawest edges in words. Growing up on early internet forums and endless news scrolls, I'm forever blending my inner fact-hoarder with the restless wanderer itching to uncover every hidden corner of the world.

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