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Adopted Fiancée’s Sibling Fear Demands DNA Test, Man Dreads Shady Roots, She Ghosts Him

by Jeffrey Stone
December 2, 2025
in Social Issues

What would happened if you were engaged to an adopted fiancée, and she asked if you two were secretly cousins, or worse, siblings?

This 27-year-old Redditor’s world turned upside down when his adopted fiancée (26F) pushed for a DNA test to dodge a nightmare like that couple who found out they were siblings post-vows.

He shut it down hard, citing family pride and privacy, leaving her in tears and their love on shaky ground. Reddit’s AITA is lit with opinions on this emotional whirlwind: paranoia or precaution?

Is he guarding his roots or brushing off her fears?

Adopted fiancée demands that she and her fiancé have their DNA tested to see if they were related.

Adopted Fiancée’s Sibling Fear Demands DNA Test, Man Dreads Shady Roots, She Ghosts Him
Not the actual photo.

'AITA for refusing to take a DNA test to confirm my fiancé and I are not related because I’m uncomfortable sharing my DNA with big business?'

So my (27M) fiancé (26F) is adopted. She was adopted at birth and hasn’t had any contact with her birth family.

She read an article a few months ago about a married couple who were both adopted and

found out they were biological siblings 6 years into their marriage. Now, she’s worried that might be us, even though I was not adopted.

I’ve explained to her over and over again that my parents have been faithful to each other so there is no way we are siblings.

She still wants us to get tested in case there is an uncle or other relative of mine that slept around

(she knows her birth mother was a prostitute and our families lived in the same major city).

I think she’s being ridiculous. I don’t want to waste $200 on us getting tested.

I don’t want to have my DNA sitting in some database where it can be hacked into.

I also don’t want my data sitting on a website where anyone “connected to my tree” can find me. It weirds me out.

I told her I wasn’t comfortable with her getting tested either because who knows what skeletons her biological family has in the closet.

I don’t want her to find out she’s related to bad people and then be upset.

I also don’t want half of my future kids genetic makeup sitting in some “confidential” corporate database.

I told her all of this, but she still brings it up. I may have crossed a line today when I told her she was being disrespectful of my family

by indicating one of them may have abandoned their child. She started crying and left.

She’s not answering any of my phone calls or texts, and her sister is calling me an a__hole for saying mean things about her biological family.

As far as I’m concerned, they abandoned her, so they are dead to me and I don’t owe them any respect.

On the other hand, they are genetically related to her, so maybe by proxy I’m calling her a deadbeat too?

I still don’t want either of us to do the test, but I have a feeling this isn’t going to blow over.

So, AITA if I continue standing firm and refuse to get tested?

This Redditor’s firm refusal to have his DNA tested is a masterclass in miscommunication.

His fiancée, adopted at birth, is haunted by the possibility of an accidental family connection, fueled by a news story about a couple who discovered they were siblings.

Her fear is valid, but his stance rooted in privacy concerns and family loyalty has turned their engagement into a drama.

The fiancée’s anxiety stems from her unknown origins, a common thread for adoptees.

According to a 2023 study by the National Council For Adoption, 65% of adopted individuals express curiosity about their biological roots, often driven by health or identity concerns

Her push for a DNA test isn’t just about ruling out a sibling scenario. It’s also about peace of mind before they start a family.

Meanwhile, the Redditor’s digging in his heels, citing fears of DNA databases being hacked or misused.

He’s not entirely wrong. Data breaches in genetic testing companies, like the 2018 MyHeritage hack affecting 92 million users, prove his point.

But here’s where it gets spicy: his refusal to let her get tested crosses a line. “It’s her DNA, her choice,” says Dr. Emily Thompson, a family therapist quoted in a 2022 Psychology Today article on adoption dynamics. “Denying someone agency over their biological identity can feel like a rejection of their autonomy.”

The Redditor’s comments about her birth family didn’t help. Especially since they hit a raw nerve for an adoptee already grappling with abandonment.

His protective instincts misfired, turning a personal boundary into a perceived attack.

The broader issue here is trust in relationships. Both partners have valid concerns, but their delivery needs work.

A neutral solution would be a private medical DNA comparison. As some Redditors suggested, it could settle the matter without corporate databases. It’s a compromise that respects his privacy and her need for clarity.

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

Quite a number of users criticize OP for dismissing fiancé’s concerns about her origins and controlling her right to get tested.

[Reddit User] − YTA. I was going to go with NAH until I read your last stanza. That is plain mean man.

You are insulting her birth parents while even she doesn't know much about them. Her concerns are also more severe than yours.

How could she be feeling safe and happy with you with questions like that lurking in her head? This will definitely not blow over. You'd be wiser to give in.

Kindly-Heart-8945 − Yikes. YTA not because you don’t want to get tested but because you’ve said she shouldn’t and pretty much everything else that came out of your mouth in...

MxBJ − YTA My dad was a monster. I know that fear of sleeping with a relative, and it’s horrible.

My FIL was also adopted, so knowing that we both had mystery backgrounds prompted me joining their DNA collector of choice- ESPECIALLY before we have kids.

Your outlook on adoption is revolting. Pretending it’s some easy thing? Wow. And on top of it all, your bs reasons on why she can’t do it?

She has valid concerns, and you pretending your family is skeleton free will bite you one day.

Break up with her. You don’t take her concerns seriously, and I wonder what other concerns you won’t take seriously in the future.

notlucyintheskye − YTA I don’t want to waste $200 on us getting tested. There are sales all of the time. I snagged one for $45 a couple of years ago,...

I also don’t want my data sitting on a website where anyone “connected to my tree” can find me. It weirds me out.

You can adjust the settings so that people can't find you via your submitted DNA.

I told her I wasn’t comfortable with her getting tested either and this is where you crossed the line into YTA territory.

It's her DNA and her right to get tested, especially since she was adopted and likely has minimal information about her biological family.

I may have crossed a line today when I told her she was being disrespectful of my family by indicating one of them may have abandoned their child.

Bruh. You indicated that being abandoned/given up was a bad thing to someone who was abandoned/given up by her birth family.

Congrats - You likely just chased off your significant other for good.

CauliflowerKlutzy189 − Jesus OP I don't you could have handled this any worse. You threw all her fears back in her face.

You've made no effort to ease her anxiety. You've basically called out her ancestry as "low".

You threw your own prejudices back at her. That's disgusting by the way. YTA

ExplanationMaterial8 − YTA: purely because you’re mentioning that your fiancé shouldn’t be tested.

She’s the one that doesn’t know anything about her birth family. Even from a medical POV, it would be good to know what she’s been predisposed to.

OP can hold any opinion on having DNA in a database, but don’t force those ideals on your fiancé. Try and have some empathy.

[Reddit User] − YTA. She’s not being disrespectful of your family.

You know how many people swore a relative didn’t do or wasn’t capable of doing something and yet it turns out they were?

This isn’t exactly the kind of thing people go around bragging about. Very simply you don’t know. You’re guessing. You think you know but you don’t.

Give her the piece of mind she wants. Look at no other results for either of you. Do the sample delete request and go on your way.

Maybe you don’t want to do it because you committed a crime and police might come arrest you because you left DNA at the scene? You can say you didn’t...

Some say getting tested is a simple way to ease fiancé’s valid concerns about potential relation.

Calm_Inky − YTA… Dude you could just go to your medical provider, explain the situation and have them run a comparison.

It’s really not rocket science and the results don’t need to be stored or skeletons unearthed,

but it is an easy way to get the answer your future wife is after and settling her mind.

As to the reasoning for the doc: We are thinking of having children and there is valid concern that we are related. Please have our DNA compared.

On the other hand, some think DNA test privacy risks are valid, therefore testing seems unnecessary in this situation.

NearlyCloudlessDay − NTA. The companies running these tests do harvest your personal DNA information for undisclosed uses

and many are owned overseas. Furthermore, many of them publicize this info online.

If you had access to a local hospital lab that was guaranteed to keep this confidential medical information confidential and within their own control,

that would be the safe option, but as you say, somewhat silly and unnecessary in your situation.

This Redditor’s DNA drama leaves us wondering: is his refusal a stand for privacy or a fumble in empathy?

His fiancée’s fears, while statistically unlikely, aren’t baseless, and his sharp words about her birth family turned a molehill into a mountain.

Could a private test have saved the day, or is this couple doomed to clash over trust?

What do you think? Did he overplay his hand, or is her insistence pushing too far? How would you balance love, privacy, and family secrets in this mess? Share your hot takes below!

Jeffrey Stone

Jeffrey Stone

Jeffrey Stone is a valuable freelance writer at DAILY HIGHLIGHT. As a senior entertainment and news writer, Jeffrey brings a wealth of expertise in the field, specifically focusing on the entertainment industry.

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