Sometimes it takes just one terrifying moment to realize how dangerous a relationship really is. A 25-year-old woman shared on Reddit’s AITAH forum that she’s torn between leaving her boyfriend or staying after he shoved her against a wall and put his hands around her neck.
She admitted that her therapist had warned her it was “only a matter of time” before he crossed that line. That night, it happened.
One woman turned to Reddit for advice after her boyfriend of two years escalated from harsh words to physical aggression during an argument
Strangulation in intimate relationships is one of the most serious red flags for escalating abuse. Experts in domestic violence consistently identify it as a key predictor of future homicide.
According to the Ottawa Police, women who have been strangled by a partner are 750% more likely to be killed by that partner later, compared to those who have not experienced this form of violence. This is because strangulation, sometimes minimized as “choking”, is not just a loss of temper; it is an act of control that demonstrates willingness to cross a life-threatening boundary.
Clinical research highlights that survivors often downplay what happened if no severe physical injury is visible. Yet medical studies confirm that even brief strangulation can cause lasting harm, including brain injury from oxygen deprivation, internal swelling, and delayed airway obstruction (National Library of Medicine).
Beyond physical consequences, the psychological impact is equally devastating, as survivors often describe heightened fear, hypervigilance, and long-term trauma responses.
From a relationship standpoint, experts emphasize that verbal abuse and gaslighting where the victim is told they “provoked” the violence—form part of a broader cycle of coercive control.
Dr. Evan Stark, who pioneered the concept of coercive control, explains that this pattern traps victims not only physically but emotionally, making them feel responsible for the abuser’s behavior. This makes leaving particularly difficult, even when the danger is recognized.
For individuals facing this situation, safety planning is critical. The National Domestic Violence Hotline (1-800-799-7233 in the U.S.) provides confidential support, and similar hotlines exist internationally (list of hotlines by country).
Professionals recommend not confronting the abuser directly about leaving but instead working with trusted friends, family, or domestic violence advocates to ensure a safe exit. Bringing a support person when collecting belongings and documenting incidents with photos or notes can also be valuable for both legal and emotional protection.
Ultimately, the advice from clinicians and domestic violence experts is clear: strangulation should never be minimized or excused as “losing one’s temper.” It is a life-threatening act that signals a high risk of escalation. Remaining in such an environment carries profound risks, while seeking help and creating a safe plan offers the only path toward long-term safety and healing.
Take a look at the comments from fellow users:
Commenters immediately sounded the alarm, stressing how strangulation massively increases the risk of homicide
One user drawing from law enforcement experience, backed it up with stats, making it crystal clear that this wasn’t just a “bad night”
This group echoed the same warning: don’t walk, run
Redditors spoke from lived experience, gently reminding her not to feel ashamed for staying but pushing her toward safety
![[Reddit User] − As someone who recently left their a__oholic husband, leave. Yes its not "easy" but I'm alive and my children are safe. That is what's most important. How...](https://dailyhighlight.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/09/wp-editor-1759202880814-11.webp "Boyfriend Calls Her “Provoking” After He Strangles Her, Now She’s Wondering If Leaving Is Wrong")
This user put it bluntly, asking how many times she’d let him hurt her before she realized her life was on the line
This story struck a chord because it highlights how abuse escalates and how survivors struggle with confusion, attachment, and fear even when danger is obvious. The community’s unanimous message was clear: leaving isn’t just justified, it’s urgent.
If you or someone you know is experiencing intimate partner violence, help is available. In the U.S., call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 or visit thehotline.org. For international resources, see this list.
