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Boyfriend Accuses Homeowner Girlfriend of Selfishness for Keeping Work-From-Home Study

by Jeffrey Stone
December 2, 2025
in Social Issues

Sometimes, kindness and generosity don’t pay off. Who would have thought this Redditor’s world could get by her boyfriend’s debt-dodging drama?

Our protagonist lives in a snug two-bedroom home with her boyfriend and his daughter rent-free. But the tale spins when his seven-year-old daughter needs a room, eyeing the Redditor’s precious work-from-home study as her new digs.

Sparks fly as she fights to keep her space, while her boyfriend’s phobia of loans fuels the chaos. It’s a whirlwind of family ties, financial quirks, and heated clashes.

Is she selfish for holding firm, or is his wallet-gripping fear running the show?

Boyfriend, living rent-free, blames homeowner girlfriend for not giving up one room for his daughter.

Boyfriend Accuses Homeowner Girlfriend of Selfishness for Keeping Work-From-Home Study
Not the actual photo.

'AITA for refusing to give up my study for my stepdaughter?'

I [41F] have been living with my boyfriend Matt [40M] for two years, together for four.

Matt has a daughter, Phoebe [F7], who lives with her mum, literally around the corner.

It's maybe a three minute walk between our houses, so Phoebe spends a lot of time at ours but always sleeps at her mum's.

However, Phoebe's mum is moving to a bigger house because she's expecting another baby.

This means Phoebe will be about thirty minutes away, so will be spending nights with us.

We have what's technically a two-bed house, but one of those bedrooms is my study.

I WFH in a job with high data security requirements. Matt wants me to give up my study so Phoebe can have a bedroom.

While I could technically put a bed in my study and share it with Phoebe, it would make it harder for me to work,

and it would mean she couldn't be in her bedroom during working hours.

I've suggested that either we move to a three-bedroom house, or look at converting our attic into a bedroom.

Either of these options would involve borrowing money and Matt has a near-phobia of debt due to his chaotic childhood.

(I own our current house outright, having inherited it from my gran before I met Matt.

I don't charge him rent, we split utilities and groceries proportionate to income. I cover all maintenance costs but he helps out with the labour.).

He says I'm being selfish for putting myself before Phoebe. I say he's being selfish for the same reason.

Update: Wow, it's amazing how people have misread our relationship! First, Matt is not a freeloading loser.

He works close to full time as a pediatrics nurse (slightly reduced hours so he can care for Phoebe after school),

supported us for a year or so while I was getting my business off the ground. and does most of the housework. Frankly, he's a gem and I'm lucky to...

We sat down and had a less fraught discussion about things. He's panicking about Phoebe moving away

and the impact it will have on his relationship with her. He also hadn't realised just how much money my business is bringing in now,

and thought I was being foolish with the amount of money I was throwing around on holidays, etc. T

he thought of adding a hefty debt on top of the panic about Phoebe had him over-reacting.

We've gone over the figures, and worked out there's a good chance I can pay for the loft conversion without having to take out a loan,

if we just get professionals in for the structural side of thing and do the rest of the work ourselves.

We're going to get a couple of quotes and see how the numbers play out, but this is looking very likely (with my office being in the loft).

And for people telling me Phoebe isn't my stepdaughter - maybe not legally but she is in every way that counts.

This Redditor’s story is a whole new level of family drama. Her boyfriend, Matt, wants her to surrender her study for his daughter Phoebe’s bedroom as her mom’s move means more sleepovers.

The Redditor, owning her home outright, proposed moving to a three-bedroom house or converting the attic. Both requiring loans, which Matt dreads like a tax audit. Thus, he accused his girlfriend of being selfish.

The OP’s room is her work-from-home fortress, demanding data security tighter than Fort Knox. Sharing it with a curious seven-year-old would be like inviting a tornado to a library.

Matt’s debt aversion, rooted in a chaotic childhood, is valid but paralyzes practical solutions. Both want what’s best for Phoebe, yet their clash highlights a universal truth: family dynamics often turn homes into emotional battlegrounds.

According to a 2023 Pew Research study, 31% of U.S. adults live in multigenerational households, amplifying space and boundary disputes.

Relationship expert Dr. John Gottman notes, “Conflict is inevitable, but contempt is optional”.

Here, Matt’s quick jab at the Redditor’s “selfishness” risks contempt, ignoring her generous offers.

Her solutions, either moving or renovating show compromise, but Matt’s fear blocks progress. Phoebe’s needs are real, but so is the Redditor’s career.

A neutral solution is to explore cost-effective attic conversions or temporary setups like a fold-out bed, balancing Phoebe’s comfort with work demands.

The story unfolds broader issues of blended families navigating shared spaces. The Redditor’s willingness to invest in a solution shows commitment, but Matt must meet her halfway.

The best path forward is always open communication and creative budgeting, turning this clash into a cozy win for all.

Here’s what Redditors had to say:

Many users praise OP for her generous solutions, while claiming that boyfriend’s refusal and demands are selfish.

SalaciousSapphic − NTA. Man I was prepared to yell at you, until I learned you’re willing to move to give your stepdaughter a bedroom.

You aren’t selfish. You’re very accommodating, actually! Your husband needs to address his debt trauma, and get good with buying a bigger home. Your family has needs for a larger...

Whoops, editing to add: you aren’t married! My brain rewrote a little bit of your life story, apologies.

(And tbh, I don’t think you should move. I think you should convert your attic and keep letting your house increase in value right now!)

HeartpineFloors − NTA. You need a private office. Phoebe needs her own room.

You have offered two generous solutions to that problem at no expense to your live-in rent-free boyfriend, but he thinks you’re selfish?!

I think it’s pretty clear who’s being a selfish pigheaded bully here and it’s not you, OP. NTA

cstamin − At first I was think Y T A because the kid needs a bedroom but you offered to sell YOUR house and get a bigger one to accommodate...

RollingKatamari −  Absolutely NTA-this is not your child, but this is your home.

You can't share a study with a 7-year old, that would just be chaotic and you just know she'll be touching your stuff.

Your boyfriend cannot force you to do this. If he doesn't like it, he can go find his own place.

Some point out the issue rooted from the boyfriend’s financial irresponsibility and freeloading.

[Reddit User] − NTA. So, he's mooching off you, but that's still not good enough for him.

Background_Owl_3474 − What has he been doing with his money? He hasn't been paying towards a rent/mortgage and he doesn't have money saved up?

It isn't your job to supply his daughter with a room. You've offered him solutions move or convert the attic.

You don’t have to give up your office because he doesn't want to invest in a home or a remodel.

You work from home and you need an office. You aren't saying you don't care - you have solutions he just doesn’t like them. NTA

sentienthammer − NTA. It’s your house, he’s just living in it. If the attic has sufficient capabilities (ie hvac, real floors, a window or two) then that’s perfectly reasonable,

and so is going to a three-bedroom place. I totally understand that he doesn’t want to go into debt,

but he should have some decent money saved up from living rent free for the past two years.

A few people think that the boyfriend’s debt anxiety is no excuse, he needs to compromise.

[Reddit User] − NTA It's your home he lives in rent free. He needs to work with you to make this work. He doesn't get to demand anything.

[Reddit User] − NTA. Boyfriend wants to have things his way at the expense of both OP and his daughter.

Renovation makes the most sense here. The debt incurred would not be in boyfriends name and OP would still get to keep her home.

Crippling anxiety over (someone else acquiring) debt is not an excuse to hamstring OPs work-life balance or mess up what seems like a fairly decent co-parenting arrangement.

He should get himself some treatment for that anxiety seeing as it’s clearly impeding his everyday functionality.

This Redditor’s home office standoff is a classic case of love versus logistics. Was she wrong to guard her study, or is Matt’s debt dread the real culprit?

Their update shows progress. Crunching numbers for a loan-free attic conversion proves teamwork makes the dream work.

But what do you think? Should the Redditor have budged on her study sooner, or was Matt’s push for Phoebe’s room too rigid?

How would you juggle work and family in this tight space? Share your hot takes below!

Jeffrey Stone

Jeffrey Stone

Jeffrey Stone is a valuable freelance writer at DAILY HIGHLIGHT. As a senior entertainment and news writer, Jarvis brings a wealth of expertise in the field, specifically focusing on the entertainment industry.

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