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Brother Raises Abandoned Sibling, Now Everyone’s Mad The Kid Calls Him “Dad”

by Annie Nguyen
December 8, 2025
in Social Issues

Family bonds can be warm and steady, but they can also create the kind of tension that lingers no matter how hard someone tries to keep the peace.

It is strange how the people who share our blood can also be the ones who hold the harshest opinions about the choices we make to protect each other. Sometimes, the drama comes not from outsiders but from those who think they know best.

One Redditor found himself in the middle of a situation that started with love and responsibility but has turned into a point of criticism within his extended family.

His younger brother grew up believing he had a stable home and caring parents, but some relatives insist he should be told a truth they think is long overdue. Scroll down to see what pushed the poster to question whether honesty is always the right answer.

A man raises his baby brother as his son, but relatives push him to expose the truth

Brother Raises Abandoned Sibling, Now Everyone’s Mad The Kid Calls Him “Dad”
Note the actual photo

'AITA for letting my brother call me "dad" and refusing to tell him the ugly truth?'

I'm well aware that this story sounds extremely hard to believe and fake, and I'm aware that there will be many "shitpost" comments below.

Sorry, but this story is 100% true and it is a hot topic of discussion in my family at the moment.

I was born when my parents were both 19, and my only other brother (let's call him Josh) was born when they were 42.

They divorced shortly after Josh was introduced to the world (he was 4 months old at the time), and they both wanted nothing to do with the child.

At the time, I was 23 and I was living alone with my then-girlfriend who was 21 (now my wife), and I done my best to convince at least ONE...

to take care of young Josh for his sake and the family's sake, but they refused adamantly and said that I should be taking custody of him instead.

So I became legal guardian of my brother and he's been living with us for the past 12 years and things have been going really smooth for us.

Josh, now almost 13, has been calling me "dad" and my wife "mum" and our two children (4F, 9M) his siblings and

he has absolutely NO idea about his real parents, and to be honest, I let all of that slide.

He has NO idea that I'm really his blood brother and not his father, and I'm starting to feel guilty and a little weird.

Some of my uncles and aunts come to visit occasionally and they are really disgusted at

the fact he calls me "dad" and they are surprised I haven't told him the truth.

They constantly messaged me, talked to me in private and I cannot chat to them without this one particular topic rising up

badgering me to let him know already but I refused.

I discussed this with my wife and she thought it would be wrong to tell him the truth because none of my parents wanted to take care of him and

I'm the only person in the world who gave him the "father figure" everyone deserves.

I feel that he has the right to know what he is to me and what I truly am to him, but he's suffered enough already and

I just want things to continue how it is. Reddit, AITA? WIBTA if I let him know the truth?

UPDATE: About 70% of the comments are advising me to tell my son who I really am to him, and some are saying "sooner than later".

I've just got up to discuss this with my wife and now after a lot of hesitation, we've decided that it's best the truth comes from us and it has...

Right now, it's late for us, but we shall address this to him first thing this week, or even tomorrow. Thanks guys.

UPDATE: Hey guys! So many people wanted me to update on my previous post and wanted me to seek professional advice

first before I take matters into my own hands.

Apologies if it is long. I'll try to make it as detailed as possible while making this short.

I went to my local therapist and told him about my situation and asked what to do.

To keep it short, he said he's heard similar recounts from before and said it is best if I tell him as soon as possible for multiple

reasons and to make sure that my bio-children are present (multiple reasons).

I asked a few of my closest friends and the majority said more or less the same thing.

My wife and I decided to sit the kids down and burst the big bubble.

I asked my brother Josh to come closer and I made sure I held him close and make him feel comfortable.

He asked "What's going on?" but I started by telling us how much we cared and loved for him, then told him everything about my parents

(I put them in a bright light in hopes of a reunion) and who I am to him, then quickly hugged him and my other two kids together and

told him that I love all my children the same and NOTHING is going to change my love for him.

He was shocked and asked if I was joking, but I was starting to cry a little at this point, so he knew I was serious.

My bio-children were very surprised too. He was in tears and asked me why I didn't tell him sooner.

I didn't know what to say and said "I was just trying to protect you, I'm sorry and I hope you can forgive me", but unfortunately and understandably, he left.

He didn't talk to me as much, again, understandably so.

I continuously offered him to go out to the park and play a bit of football (he loves that) and all his favourite things,

but he just outright declined and even got a little angry sometimes for me even talking to him.

I thought I messed up big-time, until one day while my wife and two children were out doing shopping and we were alone, he came up to me

and said "I know you're not my real father, but I want to let you know you're the best dad in the whole world.

Sorry for before." I hugged him and things got pretty emotional. It would be a big lie to say my house is normal now (far from that),

But things are slowly : ever so slowly- starting to brighteen up.

There's no longer anything to hide anymore and it feels like we are born again.

Josh is a tough kid, and he handled this far better than I believed he would.

I'll be looking into therapy for him to help him recover just incase it doesn't go well in the long run.

I'll strive and continue to be a great dad to my kids, and a great dad to my brother/son.

Thank you Reddit for pushing me towards this happy ending. Thank you for all the advice and judgements I got (excluding the rude ones about my uncles and aunts --...

There are moments when love arrives in a form no one planned for. Many people know what it feels like to shoulder a responsibility that wasn’t supposed to be theirs, yet they choose to carry it anyway because someone vulnerable needs them.

In this story, the poster didn’t just become a guardian. He became the emotional foundation for a child who had no one else willing to show up for him. At the core of this situation is a complex emotional pull.

The poster is torn between honesty and protection, between what is ethically correct and what feels safe for a boy who has already endured abandonment once.

Josh has built his entire identity around the belief that he is part of a stable, loving family. Meanwhile, some relatives who never cared for him now demand truth from the sidelines, framing the poster as dishonest for choosing stability over disruption.

This tension is not about facts. It is about the fragile ecosystem of a child’s sense of belonging.

However, many people instinctively think withholding the truth is always harmful. But others recognize that timing is just as important as truth itself.

When men look at situations like this, they often see their role as protectors, focused on maintaining emotional stability. Women may be more attuned to long-term identity development and the need for clarity as a child matures. Neither instinct is wrong. They simply highlight different emotional priorities shaped by lived experience.

Verywell Mind explains that children who experience abandonment or unstable caregiving often develop deep fears of rejection later in life.

According to their analysis, unresolved truths about family identity can create confusion or mistrust when revealed abruptly, especially during adolescence. They emphasize that children benefit most when difficult truths are delivered with reassurance, consistency, and emotional safety

This insight fits the situation closely. Josh’s emotional bond with his brother-turned-father figure was built through years of reliable love, not biology. Revealing the truth is not inherently damaging.

The real risk lies in how it is handled. A gentle, affirming conversation coming from the caregiver he trusts most may strengthen their relationship rather than weaken it. It allows him to learn the truth without feeling abandoned all over again.

In the end, there is no perfect script for moments like this. The best path is one grounded in compassion. When the poster approaches the conversation with love and reassurance, he gives Josh something far more important than biological accuracy. He gives him emotional truth: that he was chosen, wanted, and cared for when it mattered most.

Here’s what the community had to contribute:

his group says tell him soon with therapist support to prevent deeper hurt

christina0001 − This is a good topic to discuss with a therapist or counselor that specializes in adoption related issues.

My understanding is that it can be very distressing to a child or adult to abruptly find out that they've been adopted.

Most things I have read indicate it's best to let the child know early on, that they came from a different mommy's tummy,

and then went to their mommy and daddy, or something along those lines.

Your brother is past that point. But you are better off acting on this sooner than later. It's better that he find out from you and your wife.

Otherwise, eventually someone is going to spill the beans.

CallieEnte − To add to what christina0001 said, your brother is now what is called a “late discovery adoptee.

” This can be incredibly traumatic for people, because they learn that they’ve been lied to (however well-intentioned) their entire life.

This is going to break his trust and rattle his sense of self and family, but the sooner you tell him, the better.

Because the longer you wait, the longer you’ll have been lying to him. And in this day and age, he will find out eventually.

I’d highly recommend you line up therapy for him with a therapist who specializes in adoption and late discovery adoptees.

[This website has some good resources on late discovery adoptees to get you started](https://www. childwelfare. gov/topics/adoption/adopt-people/discovery/).

TeamChaos17 − Seconding the advice to talk to a counselor first about the best way to approach, but yes you need to tell him and sooner than later.

Similar to any other adoptee, he has a right to know his story.

And if he wants to keep calling you dad, that’s his choice and wouldn’t it be more meaningful to you both?

LucidOutwork − NAH I think this is above our pay grade. There is so much to consider in telling or not telling.

Ultimately I think the truth is best because at some point he is going to find out anyways. But be ready for a lot of backlash if you tell him.

He is going to feel angry and hurt and abandoned by his bio-parents.

When it comes right down to it, you ARE his dad, even if you are biologically his brother as well.

And good for you for stepping in and being there for him.

These users warn secrecy will explode if someone else reveals it first

Thrwforksandknives − NTA. The assholes are your nosey uncles and aunts. You've raised him since he was a baby.

You are the only paternal (and your wife, maternal) figure he has known. But I think you'll shock him, if not turn his world upside down.

But given your family dynamic, it very well might be that these uncles and aunts do it because they feel he should know.

So it might be best if he heard it coming from you.

[Reddit User] − N TA for allowing him to call you dad/mom you are his guardians and the one raising him and if that's

what he's comfortable with it's really not any one else's business. Y TA for not telling him the truth.

He's going to find out someone else will slip up, purposefully or not, he'll see his birth certificate which he'll likely need

when he's old enough to get a driver's license for example, or he'll do one of those DNA kits.

You cannot keep this a secret forever and it's 100% better that he finds out from you than an unfortunate surprise from someone else.

KaszaJaglanaZPorem − You need to tell him. If someone else does, he will end up hating you.

Nimzomitch − Tell him. He's old enough now to hear it. Source a guy who didn't know one of his parents wasn't his parent until he was 25

This group supports gentle honesty paired with steady reassurance and love

JamesPl − NAH. I completely get where your uncles are coming from. The little guy deserves to know the truth.

But it doesn’t have to be now, and it certainly doesn’t have to be explained as “your parents wanted nothing to do with you”

When he’s older you can explain some version of “when you were born, our parents were going through a really rough divorce, and neither of them could take care of...

I loved you so much that I wanted to raise you as a son.

You have been the best thing that has ever happened to me, and I’m so glad to have you in my life.

I know this is a lot to take in, and you might have a million questions or you might need some space to digest all of this.

I’m here for you whatever you need”

mommak2011 − "Sometimes, when people have a baby, they know they can't take care of it like the baby deserves.

They find people who would be amazing parents, and ask them to raise and love the baby.

Well, when you were a baby, my parents were divorcing, neither of them were stable, and they were older.

They knew they couldn't provide the life you deserved, and I could. So they asked mom and I to love and raise you as our own.

We loved you so much already, we said of course we would.

We have loved you as if we made you every single day since then, and never for a moment regretted it. "

classactdynamo − NTA because you were thrust into a s__tty situation by terrible people.

However, you have made a huge mistake not telling your brother in age-appropriate ways what your relationship is.

It may still be he would want to call you mum and dad, but you have basically set a time bomb that could very well alienate him from you.

I have seen multiple situations like this one where a child alienated themselves

from well-meaning people after finding out the well-meaning people lied to them about their parentage.

Do you honestly think he's never going to find out when you have aunts and uncles who are openly disgusted with you?

Someone is going to reveal it to him in a fit of meanness, and it's going to really f__k your s__t up for years thereafter.

Get ahead of this before that occurs. So, as I said; you're not the a__hole, but YWBAFM if you did not fix this before it gets "fixed" for you.

Travellerdreamer01 − Jesus this is a tough one. I’d say NAH, he should know the truth but if it works then it works, maybe tell him when he’s 18?

He won’t benefit from knowing that you aren’t his dad, it could lead to resentment for ‘lying’ to him about his real parents and his real parents don’t want him...

These Redditors share late-discovery stories stressing why honesty matters

knitblue − NAH. This is a really hard one, OP. I found out at 28 years old that my Dad is not my biological father.

Everyone knew except me. What that meant was that for 28 years, every time I went to a doctor I gave them a false medical history.

That I felt rejected my whole childhood by who I thought were my half siblings.

They knew the truth. I thought it was because something was wrong with me.

It meant that any time, the wrong person could have let it slip.

If I had of sent in that 23andme test I had sitting around, I would have found out.

If I found out my Dad's blood type, I would have realized something was wrong.

It meant that I had to face the fact that for 28 years, every single person I was related to had lied to me about my own identity.

I didn't care that the bio-father wanted nothing to do with me.

The man who raised me stepped up when I was a baby and never stopped being my Dad, even though him and my Mom split up when I was a...

Hard to imagine being more loved and wanted than that. It's a very difficult truth to tell someone.

But lying to your kid until someone eventually lets it slip is the wrong way to go about it. He deserves to know his own identity.

It doesn't have to be about him being "unwanted" by his bio parents.

They recognized they didn't have the ability to raise a child, so you and your wife very happily became his parents and are so happy and thankful to have him...

It wasn't that he was rejected by someone. It's that he is extremely loved by people who chose to raise him.

As far as people taking issue with him calling you guys Mom and Dad screw that. You're his parents.

BeanicusWeenicus − So, this might be hard to believe, but I grew up in a VERY similar situation.

Around 14, I learned that my parents were actually my grandparents, and my older sister was actually my biological mother.

It was a lot to deal with. Honestly, there were a lot of times that I wished I never knew that.

But now I’m 22, and at the end of the day, my parents are my parents, and my sister is my sister, and I love them all.

They genuinely wanted to do what was best for me. That being said, I don’t think you’d be the AH if you told him.

The most important thing is for you and your wife to be there for him as his parents.

He will be hurt that his biological parents didn’t want him. Remind him that YOU want him, and tell him all the ways that having him as your son has...

Tell him that you are still his dad as long as he wants you to be.

This group says he’s your son in love but truth still needs to be shared

tkkd777 − NTA you are his dad despite not being his biological father.

You have taken him in and raised him and provided a loving, supportive home. You seem like you’ll tell him about his bio parents in due time, let him mature...

This story leaves readers torn between heart and truth. The man stepped in when no one else would, building a loving family from a moment of crisis.

But even the strongest bonds can strain under unspoken history. Should the child hear the truth now, while his trust is solid, or later, when the lie has grown heavier? And when love and biology collide, which one defines “real” parenthood?

How would you navigate this emotional minefield? Share your thoughts below!

Annie Nguyen

Annie Nguyen

Hi, I'm Annie Nguyen. I'm a freelance writer and editor for Daily Highlight with experience across lifestyle, wellness, and personal growth publications. Living in San Francisco gives me endless inspiration, from cozy coffee shop corners to weekend hikes along the coast. Thanks for reading!

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