Couple Tries for a Baby, Then Husband Confesses He Never Stopped Using Testosterone

A couple walked into a fertility appointment expecting answers, then walked out with a lie.

The OP, a 30-year-old woman, says she and her 36-year-old husband have wanted kids fast after marriage. He also has a bodybuilding background and an “unreal physique,” which always came with one big argument: testosterone.

She thought they had settled it. She says she found testosterone in their apartment last December, confronted him, and got a promise. He swore he stopped. He even promised her parents. They got married, started trying, and when months passed without a pregnancy, they booked fertility tests.

Her results looked fine. His came back with no sperm at all.

At the appointment, the doctor asked about testosterone. The husband claimed he last used it 12 months ago. The doctor said sperm often rebounds in a few months, which made the OP suspicious, because her husband did not seem as devastated as he should have.

Then came the confession. He admitted he took testosterone two weeks ago.

Now, read the full story:

This is one of those stories where the medical result hurts, but the betrayal hits harder.

The OP did not “randomly get mad about infertility.” She heard a clear lie in a doctor’s office, then watched it crumble on the walk out. That whiplash can make anyone feel unsteady, especially when you are talking about starting a family.

It also explains why she feels so furious. Kids require trust. Not “trust when it’s convenient,” trust when it costs you something. He did not just hide a choice, he hid it after promises, after an ultimatum, after involving her parents, and right in the middle of trying for a baby.

Now he wants her to skip the part where he broke the foundation and jump straight to “solutions.” People do that when they feel cornered.

This feeling of shock and anger follows a very predictable relationship pattern, and the “fix it, stop asking why” demand usually signals a deeper issue.

At the surface, this looks like a fertility crisis. Underneath, it reads like a trust crisis with a side of compulsive behavior.

The OP set a boundary early. She says she felt strongly against drug use, and she linked that boundary to their future family plans. Her husband responded with shifting stories, “I’m natural,” then “I used to,” then “I’m natural now.” Those moving goalposts matter, because they train a partner to doubt their own gut.

When she found testosterone last December, she asked the most direct question possible, “Me or testosterone.” He chose “me,” at least out loud. He extended that promise to her parents, which raises the stakes. Then he kept using anyway, and he chose to lie in a doctor’s office.

A lot of commenters noticed something important. The anger does not really target infertility. It targets deception. One Redditor summed it up bluntly: she feels enraged that he lied, not that he’s infertile.

On the medical side, many clinicians warn that non-medical anabolic-androgenic steroid use often comes with real health risks and can affect reproductive hormones. Public health research also shows that steroid use is not some rare, mythical thing. One Australian school survey reported lifetime anabolic steroid use at 2.4% among 12 to 17-year-old students.

That does not mean every user develops fertility problems, but it does show how common “performance and image enhancing drug” culture can become, especially in fitness environments.

Media reporting on this trend also highlights how body image pressure and easy sourcing can create what one expert called a “perfect storm,” and another warned that adolescence is a “fragile developmental stage” where some effects can become irreversible.

Now, bring that broader context back to the marriage.

If someone feels dependent on testosterone for identity, confidence, or emotional stability, then “just stop” often fails. The secrecy, the minimization, and the timing suggest he wants the benefits of his habit while outsourcing the consequences to his partner.

That is why the OP’s reaction makes sense.

She is not only grieving a delay in becoming a mother. She is also realizing she cannot rely on his word. That realization creates fear, anger, and even disgust, because it makes the future feel unsafe.

So what can a couple do here, in a neutral, practical way?

First, pause baby-making until the truth stabilizes. Kids amplify whatever already exists. If lying already sits in the relationship, pregnancy and postpartum stress will stretch it until it snaps.

Second, stop arguing about whether she “should” focus on the why. The why matters because it predicts repeat behavior. A partner who lies under pressure will likely lie again under bigger pressure.

Third, get professional help on two tracks. One track is medical, because he needs a legitimate fertility workup and honest disclosure about substances. The second track is behavioral, because repeated deception often responds better to structured therapy than to promises and guilt.

Fourth, make accountability measurable. Vague vows do not rebuild trust. A plan does. Think medical supervision, transparent communication, and clear consequences if he hides use again.

Finally, the OP should ask herself a hard question. If he keeps choosing the habit and the lie, what kind of co-parent will he become when parenting threatens his identity and control?

The core message here is simple. Fertility problems can happen to any couple. Lying in the middle of it turns a medical problem into a relationship emergency.

Check out how the community responded:

Most people said her rage makes sense, because the real issue is the lie, not the sperm count. Several basically went, “He lied for years, and you finally caught him.”

Some commenters zoomed in on bodybuilding culture and said the medical path exists, but he still has to stop hiding and start working with actual doctors. Translation, “Handle it safely, and stop sneaking around.”

A third group basically treated this like a mental health and addiction problem, and they warned that a baby won’t magically make it better.

This story leaves a bad taste because it had so many chances for honesty. The OP did not wake up one day and decide infertility equals failure. She faced a specific kind of heartbreak, the kind where someone swears they changed, then keeps the habit alive in secret, then lies again when the stakes get high.

Trying for a baby already brings stress, timing pressure, and emotional math that never feels fair. Add deception, and the whole thing turns into a trust freefall. Even if his fertility recovers, the bigger question sticks around.

Can she trust him when he wants something badly? Can he handle discomfort without hiding and lying?

A child deserves two adults who can tell the truth, even when the truth makes them look messy.

So what do you think? If your partner lied about something that could delay or derail starting a family, what would it take for you to feel safe again? Would you pause trying for kids until they proved real change, or would you walk away before you get pulled deeper in?