Dad Cheats For Five Years, Calls Daughter A Hypocrite For Refusing To Be In His Wedding Even Though She Cheated Too

Time does not always heal the damage caused by betrayal. Sometimes it simply teaches people how to coexist with unresolved hurt. That balance can shatter quickly when expectations collide with lingering resentment.

In this story, a woman describes how her father’s engagement reignited feelings she thought she had learned to manage. Being asked to stand beside him at his wedding felt less like an honor and more like a demand to endorse a painful chapter of her family’s past.

When she said no, the conversation escalated into something deeply personal. Her father challenged her moral standing by bringing up a mistake from her teenage years, equating it with his own actions.

Now she is left questioning whether her refusal crossed a line or if refusing to celebrate something she cannot support is a boundary she has every right to keep.

A woman refuses a role in her father’s wedding after his affair, sparking accusations of hypocrisy

Parental betrayal can leave wounds that don’t simply disappear with time or a newfound partner. When a parent engages in long-term infidelity that dissolves a marriage and reshapes a family’s emotional landscape, the effects on children, even into adulthood, are real and well-documented.

What may appear on the surface as stubbornness can instead be a profound response to unresolved hurt, mistrust, and fractured family trust.

At the emotional core of this situation is trust and betrayal in the family system. Research on parental infidelity shows that discovering a parent’s long-term affair can deeply affect a child’s sense of safety, trust in relationships, and attachment security.

In some cases, adult children describe the experience as a personal betrayal, not just a disagreement between adults, because parents are supposed to model commitment and reliability, not secrecy and abandonment. These feelings can persist into adulthood and influence how a child relates to both parents afterward.

A key nuance often overlooked is that parental infidelity doesn’t affect all children the same way, but for many, it alters emotional expectations about relationships.

Studies suggest that adult children of betrayed parents may struggle with trust and relational security later in life, especially if the betrayal was disclosed in youth and not fully processed.

According to research on parental infidelity’s long-term effects, children who witness or learn about a parent’s affair often experience mistrust, emotional conflict, and internalized distress that can influence their adult relationships.

The impact extends beyond childhood and can shape emotional responses, perceptions of romantic betrayal, and willingness to participate in family rituals that commemorate a parent’s new relationship (e.g., weddings).

Interpreting that expert perspective helps explain why the OP’s refusal isn’t simply stubborn or punitive. Her reaction reflects unresolved emotional pain linked to how her father’s betrayal affected her family identity, trust in relationships, and emotional security.

Being asked to stand beside him in a wedding, a symbolic act of endorsement, may feel less like celebration and more like minimizing what her mother endured and what she herself witnessed as a teenager.

The father’s attempt to equate a brief teenage mistake with years-long betrayal and family disruption also highlights a common psychological dynamic: minimization and deflection.

Minimizing one type of behavior by drawing superficial parallels does not acknowledge the magnitude, duration, and consequences of the original betrayal.

That matters because research consistently shows that the perceived severity and context of an event shape emotional and relational outcomes, not just the existence of a moral lapse itself.

From a relationship perspective, declining a ceremonial role while remaining a guest can be a healthy boundary rather than emotional abandonment. The OP relinquished symbolic participation without cutting off contact outright.

In many therapeutic frameworks, such boundaries are seen as a way to maintain connection without reliving pain or validating behaviors that were deeply hurtful.

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

These Redditors said teen mistakes don’t compare to years of marital betrayal

This group agreed Dad is manipulating guilt to excuse his own cheating

These commenters mocked the comparison as desperate and logically absurd

This group supported OP’s boundary and said wedding participation isn’t owed

These Redditors called Dad’s behavior hypocritical and emotionally manipulative

Most readers agreed the daughter wasn’t rejecting her father, she was rejecting the narrative he tried to force on her. Love doesn’t erase accountability, and forgiveness can’t be rushed into a wedding role.

Was her refusal an act of cruelty or a reasonable boundary after years of hurt? Should adult children be expected to validate a parent’s choices at the cost of their own peace? Share your thoughts below.