Dad Considers Withdrawing Driving Lessons After ‘Like a Woman’ Remark

When your extra support for your teenager spins into a full-blown family argument, you know something’s gone off script.

You offered your son extra driving practice, hours behind the wheel, real-world merging, changing lanes, freeway work. He wanted the help. You tried to push him out of his hesitation. Then you used a phrase: “driving like a woman.” He accepted it at first. Then something changed.

He asked you to stop, said the phrase hurt, accused you of sexism. Now you’re faced with a choice: keep helping or walk away from the driving missions.

Now, read the full story:

You’re in a familiar parental trap, mixing support with habit. You wanted to push your son to be confident. You leaned on language you never thought much about. He heard something different. That disconnect is painful. Your instinct to help is real.

His instinct to be respected is real. What you both missed was the emotional weight of that phrase. The moment it ceased to be encouragement and started to feel like judgment, things shifted. This feeling of unintended hurt is exactly what makes this scenario sticky.

When adults use casual phrases about gender or ability, they aren’t just joking, they shape how kids view themselves, others, and what is acceptable. Research shows that language carries power, especially in a parent-child relationship.

One study found that parents’ attitudes about gender strongly influence children’s consciousness of gender equality. A Chinese study with 1,312 school-aged kids found: “parents’ consciousness of gender equality had the greatest impact” on children’s thinking about gender roles.

Another study revealed that everyday language contains subtle sexist messages, even teachers can use gender-biased expressions without realizing it. So when you say “driving like a woman,” you may think you’re offering a quick analogical spur. But that phrase carries the baggage of gender stereotype: that women drive poorly.

The stereotype doesn’t match the data. Research in driving behavior found that women tend to commit fewer driving violations, make fewer dangerous manoeuvres and have lower accident rates in some scenarios.

For example: “Women are better drivers than men… A 2020 study of road fatality data found that men cause twice as many fatal car accidents per …” The study “Women drive better if not stereotyped” argues that when female drivers are reminded of the stereotype they underperform, so language matters. So the phrase you used doesn’t more than sting, it reinforces a baseline of gender-based bias.

Your son accepted your phrase at first, but then he stopped. That shift is meaningful. He may be internalising a new view of gender respect, shaped by his sister, his relationship with you, and how he sees himself. Your continuing to use an idiom anchored in gender stereotypes conflicts with the developmental space he’s growing into. It’s less about your intent and more about your impact.

Advice for moving forward

• Replace the phrase with concretes: say “slow merge” or “hesitant lane change” instead of “driving like a woman.” Language grounds in behavior, not gender.

• Acknowledge the shift: Sit down with your son and say: “I didn’t realise that phrase carried hurt. I’ll stop using it. Let’s focus on how you feel when you hesitate and how I can support you.”

• Keep the extra practice: The data says more experience helps confidence. You’re entering an instructor-supported role. Let your involvement remain solid, just clean your language.

• Be consistent: Your daughter passing the test first isn’t random. It debunks the stereotype. Let that be a moment to show your son he isn’t behind because he’s male, he’s behind because driving is new.

• Monitor your language broadly: Research shows that children’s views of gender equality are shaped by parental language and behaviour. Your shift has ripple effects.

The core message here: You aren’t the [the jerk] for offering help. But the language you used, though habitual, carried a meaning your son no longer accepts.

In parenting terms, the job now is not just to teach merging and mirror checks, it is to model respect and conscious language. Your son may resist the phrase, but he still needs the practice. You can give him both, better driving and better respect.

Check out how the community responded:

Redditors point out that the comment isn’t harmless and reflects bias.

Many say the lessons are fine, but the wording must change.

Some cited research overturning the stereotype your phrase evokes.

You’re standing at a fork in the road. One path doesn’t change the coach’s role, just the vocabulary. The other path walks away, and you’re considering it. But why walk away when what’s needed is an upgrade in the game? Your son still needs practice.

You still can give it. He just also needs respect. The phrase “driving like a woman” is not a quick joke, it’s a message. Your son heard it as a judgment, not a push. If you change the message while keeping the help, you bridge two important things: skill and respect.

So here’s the question: will you stop giving the lessons, or will you keep teaching him, and teach yourself too? What do you think: should you pull back entirely, or evolve how you help?