College costs can turn any family dinner into a courtroom drama, especially when siblings feel the scales aren’t balanced. One Redditor, a 49-year-old divorced dad with full custody of his two kids, has spent years saving to give them debt-free futures.
His son Jake, now 23, is deep into dentistry school at $50,000 a year with no loans required, a full ride thanks to Dad’s wallet.
But when daughter Nikki, 17, announced her dream of becoming a middle school teacher at a prestigious city campus with a $75,000 yearly price tag, the checkbook snapped shut.
Dad capped his support at $20,000 for an in-state school, pointing out the gap between her chosen career’s salary ceiling and the mountain of debt her dream school would pile on.
A Redditor’s Tuition Tug-of-War – Here’s The Orignal Post:
Expert Opinion
At its core, this is a classic return-on-investment debate: Should parents fund education as passion projects or as financial bets?
Dad’s reasoning rests on hard numbers. Dentistry, even at a steep $50,000 per year, often leads to six-figure starting salaries and millions in lifetime earnings.
Studies peg the average new dentist at $120,000–$150,000 annually, with specialists doubling that. In Jake’s case, family connections with dentists, internships, and tutoring tilt the odds even further in his favor. For Dad, covering these costs makes sense because the payoff is substantial.
Nikki’s teaching track looks different. The Bureau of Labor Statistics shows mid-career teachers often plateau between $60,000 and $70,000. Multiply that by a lifetime career, and the financial math doesn’t justify taking on $300,000 in loans for a high-priced private degree.
Dad’s offer, covering $20,000 for a state school, wasn’t to block her dream of teaching, but to stop her from drowning in debt for a credential she could earn more affordably.
Still, delivery matters. Telling one child, “Here’s everything paid for,” while telling the other, “Loans or state school only,” feels like unequal treatment, even if the intention is fairness in outcomes.
As financial advisor Robert Farrington points out, “Parents must balance affordability with aspiration, but transparency and empathy go hand-in-hand with money talks.” Nikki didn’t hear fiscal prudence, she heard, “Your dream matters less.”
There’s also the emotional undertone. Dad hinted he’d fully fund Nikki if she pursued medicine or another “high-ROI” career, which can sound dismissive of education as a noble calling.
As psychologist Dr. Laura Markham notes, “Children thrive when their passions are validated, even if parents can’t fully fund them.” His cap may be financially wise, but it left Nikki feeling unsupported.
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
Reddit’s response was split down the middle. The “NTA” camp argued that Dad was saving Nikki from a lifetime of debt, pointing out that teaching salaries don’t justify luxury tuition.
The “YTA” camp, though, saw something deeper: optics of favoritism. Jake got a dream ride, while Nikki got a hard ceiling.
Family reactions mirrored Reddit’s divide. Some relatives sided with Nikki, saying she deserved equal support regardless of ROI. Others backed Dad’s fiscal logic, arguing he was treating her fairly by steering her away from a financial dead end.
Are these balanced or just Reddit’s ROI rumble?
This tuition tug-of-war isn’t really about dollars, it’s about dignity. On paper, Dad’s decision makes sense: avoid crushing debt for a career that won’t pay it back.
But emotions don’t balance neatly like spreadsheets. To Nikki, the message landed as favoritism, even if Dad’s intent was to protect her.
The bigger question lingers: Should parents treat college funds like 401(k) investments, prioritizing careers with strong returns, or should they fund passion equally, letting kids shoulder the consequences later?
For this family, the answer may lie in a hybrid, matching Jake’s support with equal funds for Nikki, while making clear she’ll need loans to cover the rest. That way, she gets both autonomy and accountability.
So what do you think, was Dad wisely protecting his daughter from financial ruin, or did he let his calculator override compassion?
