OP (32F) was shocked to learn her brother (22M) is dating her toxic ex-boyfriend after finding photos on his phone. When confronted, her brother admitted it but made a flippant remark, leaving OP feeling betrayed.
As she’s funding this year’s family trip, she uninvited her brother, but her family thinks she’s wrong. Is OP the asshole for setting this boundary? Let’s dive into the details and see what the online community thinks.
This story explores betrayal, family boundaries, and control over shared traditions. Did OP go too far?
This story highlights the complexity of family boundaries and betrayal when a sibling dates an ex, especially a toxic one.
Family psychologist Dr. John Gottman notes, “Betrayal in families, particularly involving romantic relationships, can cause deep wounds, and setting boundaries is a valid way to protect oneself” (The Gottman Institute).
OP’s decision to uninvite her brother is understandable, especially given his insensitive response, but excluding him from a shared family tradition may escalate tensions.
OP should consider a candid conversation with her brother to express her hurt and set clear boundaries, such as no mention of the ex during family events. If he disregards this, limiting contact may be necessary.
OP should also discuss her perspective with her family to avoid isolation. This case underscores the need for open communication and boundary-setting in family conflicts.
Here are the comments of Reddit users:
Reddit largely supports OP, viewing her brother’s actions as a betrayal, though some argue uninviting him is unfair given the shared tradition. Others seek clarity on the ex’s toxicity and the brother’s awareness. Here’s a roundup of reactions.
Many back OP’s decision.
![[Reddit User] − NTA, I don’t blame you for not wanting to vacation with your brother. It’s not like he’s seeing a man you had a fling with.](https://dailyhighlight.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/09/wp-editor-1758688286419-12.webp "Woman Considers Uninviting Brother From Family Trip Over Secret Ex-Boyfriend Relationship")
![[Reddit User] − NTA. He knew what he was doing and didn't care about your feelings. That's why he's such a child; he can't own up to it.](https://dailyhighlight.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/09/wp-editor-1758688303411-21.webp "Woman Considers Uninviting Brother From Family Trip Over Secret Ex-Boyfriend Relationship")
Some criticize both or seek more info.
![[Reddit User] − NTA. I'd do more than cut him from the trip. I'd cut him from my life. The betrayal is unreal.](https://dailyhighlight.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/09/wp-editor-1758688319461-30.webp "Woman Considers Uninviting Brother From Family Trip Over Secret Ex-Boyfriend Relationship")
A few suggest alternatives.
OP isn’t entirely wrong for wanting to uninvite her brother from the family trip after his betrayal by dating her toxic ex, but this risks harming a shared tradition. Reddit mostly supports OP but suggests addressing the issue through dialogue.
How can OP set boundaries without fracturing her family? Have you faced similar betrayals? Share your stories!
