Caregiving within families can be complex, but what happens when a parent refuses to perform basic care for their disabled child? One 19-year-old shared on Reddit that her father has “outsourced” bathing her severely disabled sister (18 but cognitively 9) entirely onto her. His justification?
That it’s “illegal” for him to bathe his daughter now that she has br**sts. The teen, exhausted and planning to move out soon, asked if she’s wrong for drawing a line and Reddit’s verdict was loud and clear.
One teen refused to continue bathing her disabled sister after her dad claimed it was illegal for him to do so, leading to accusations of irresponsibility
OP later edited the post:
Family caregiving gets complicated when disability, age, and parental responsibility collide, and this story shows how messy it can get. The Original Poster (OP), only 19, has been left with the primary responsibility of bathing her 18-year-old sister, who has severe cognitive and physical disabilities.
Their father refuses to perform the task, arguing it would be “illegal” because his daughter has developed breasts. OP pushes back, pointing out that caregiving isn’t sexual but the tug-of-war continues, leaving her burned out and her sister’s future care uncertain.
At the heart of this dispute are two competing fears: OP’s dad seems terrified of being accused of impropriety, while OP fears being parentified, forced into a lifelong caregiver role she didn’t sign up for. Both perspectives reflect real anxieties, but one truth remains: parents, not siblings, bear the legal and ethical duty to provide for their disabled children.
The broader issue here is common. According to Statistics Canada, about 1 in 8 Canadians (19%) aged 15 and older provide some form of unpaid caregiving to a family member with a disability or chronic condition.
While family caregiving can strengthen bonds, overreliance on siblings, especially minors or young adults, often leads to “parentification,” a role reversal where children meet parental duties at the cost of their own development.
According to American Psychological Associasion (APA), child caregivers tend to exhibit more anxious or depressive behavior than noncaregivers. OP’s situation is a textbook example: her future plans, mental health, and sibling relationship are all compromised by being the default caregiver.
What’s the solution? In Canada, parents can and should seek professional supports. Options include respite care, home health aides, or long-term planning for group home placement once the sibling reaches adulthood.
This doesn’t erase the family bond, siblings can still be loving advocates, but it relieves them of being the only safety net. For OP’s father, reframing bathing as a caregiving duty rather than a sexual act is essential, and if discomfort persists, outsourcing care to professionals is the responsible path.
Here’s what Redditors had to say:
These Reddit users slammed the dad’s avoidance, urging to hire a carer
Some commenters confirmed legality, suggesting professional help
While many claimed the dad was wrong, some users claimed no one was the jerk
So, what do you think? Is OP justified in refusing to continue bathing her sister, or should family duty override her need for independence?
