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Dad Refuses To Walk His Pregnant Daughter Down The Aisle Because His Stepdaughter “Asked First”

by Layla Bui
October 20, 2025
in Social Issues

Walking a daughter down the aisle is supposed to be one of those moments that define fatherhood, filled with love, pride, and a few happy tears.

But when a dad with two daughters found himself caught between loyalty and fairness, he made a choice that shattered one of those relationships.

After agreeing to walk his younger, adopted daughter down the aisle, he refused to do the same for his biological daughter, claiming it wouldn’t feel “right.”

The decision quickly turned into family chaos, leaving one daughter heartbroken, the other defensive, and the father wondering if he’d just made the biggest mistake of his life.

When a dad refused to walk his daughter down the aisle, he ended up breaking something much more important: his daughter’s trust

Dad Refuses To Walk His Pregnant Daughter Down The Aisle Because His Stepdaughter “Asked First”
not the actual photo

'AITA for refusing to walk my daughter down the aisle?'

I (M49) have 2 daughters, Marie(27) and Julie(23).

For context Julie is not my biological daughter since I married my current wife when she was only 2

and since her dad was absent I adopted her as my own but I love both my daughters the same.

This being said, I am closer to Julie since she has and still live with us and we do almost everything together.

Instead, Marie is closer to her mom, mainly cause her mom got full custody of her and has never lived with me.

Now, to the main issue: Julie got engaged about a year ago and immediately asked me to walk her down the aisle,

I of course agreed and have actively helped her with the planning of the wedding which is scheduled to October/2022.

A couple of weeks ago Marie asked me to go grab some coffee with her,

and let me know she's currently pregnant and will soon get married.

To be honest this got me off guard since I didn't even know she had a boyfriend.

She apparently will have quiet a fast wedding since she doesn't want to show too much,

meaning her wedding will be in 3 months. She says it'll be a small ceremony and asked me to walk her down the aisle.

I felt weird about it since I don't even know her fiancé and it's all so sudden so I asked her to let me think about it.

It seemed like this answer surprised her but she understood.

I then went home and let my wife and daughter know and Julie asked me to please decline

since she wanted to be the first to be walked down the aisle and since she asked first,

thinks that I have a stronger commitment to her.

I agreed since this is more of a Us thing rather than an afterthought like Marie's wedding.

I then sent a message to Marie letting her know of my decision with a brief explanation

and even offered options like her mom or step-dad to walk with her.

I also reassured her that I'd still be with her there and support her with anything.

She almost immediately called me crying and telling me how much of a horrible father I am

and how I apparently have always played favorite, which hurt me since it's simply not true, I love them both.

I tried to explain my reasoning but she said it doesn't matter and doesn't care about my excuses.

She ended up hanging up and my ex has been sending me tons of texts berating me and calling me names.

Now word has spread to some family members and they are calling me a deadbeat and trash,

but my wife and daughter agree that my decision is the only fair one

and shouldn't be pressured into doing something I don't want.

I'm starting to feel guilty but I'm honestly unsure, AITA for refusing to walk my daughter down the aisle?

OP later edited the post to add a few things

Edit: I don't know what to do now. These comments have really opened my eyes to how horrible I was to my daughter.

I feel like I've been oblivious to several things I did and allowed to happen.

I feel like the worst AH there is and I don't even know if there's room to fix it.

I'll try to reach out to her but after reading your opinions, I doubt she'll accept and I'd totally get it.

Family relationships after divorce or remarriage often involve complex emotional balances, particularly when it comes to children from previous and blended families.

In this case, the father’s refusal to walk his eldest daughter down the aisle illustrates how favoritism, intentional or not, can create long-lasting emotional wounds.

Psychologists note that blended family dynamics require extra emotional effort from parents to ensure that all children feel equally valued and loved.

According to Dr. Joshua Coleman, a clinical psychologist specializing in estrangement and stepfamily relationships, children in blended families are “especially sensitive to perceived hierarchies of love.”

Even small gestures of unequal treatment, such as prioritizing one child’s wishes over another’s, can confirm deep-seated fears of being “less than” or forgotten.

In this case, Marie’s emotional reaction isn’t simply about the wedding. Weddings often carry symbolic significance, particularly the “walk down the aisle,” which represents lifelong parental support. Refusing that request may have reinforced years of perceived emotional distance.

Family therapist Dr. Terri Apter explains that adult children of divorce often interpret these moments as reflections of past attachment: “When parents seem closer to a new family, it can reopen old wounds of abandonment or loss.”

Julie’s request to be “the first” daughter to walk down the aisle also reveals an issue of entitlement and competition within the family system.

Licensed marriage and family therapist Nicole Arzt, LMFT, writes that when parents reinforce such sibling hierarchies, intentionally or not, they risk perpetuating rivalry and resentment that can damage sibling bonds long-term.

From an ethical and relational perspective, a parent’s role should be guided by fairness and inclusion, not chronological order or emotional convenience.

The father’s reasoning that Julie “asked first” or that Marie’s wedding was too sudden likely felt dismissive to Marie, who had reached out seeking connection and acknowledgment. This was, for her, a rare opportunity to include her father in a major life milestone.

Experts recommend that when conflicts like this arise, parents focus on repairing emotional trust rather than defending their choices.

That means reaching out sincerely, acknowledging the hurt caused, and if possible, offering to make amends through presence, empathy, and active listening rather than justification.

Ultimately, symbolic gestures carry weight far beyond the moment. Walking a daughter down the aisle is not just a tradition, it’s a declaration of love and acceptance.

Declining that moment risks not only losing the relationship but also missing the chance to heal years of distance in a single, meaningful act.

Here’s what people had to say to OP:

These Redditors strongly criticized the father for blatant favoritism and emotional neglect toward his older daughter

[Reddit User] − YTA If Julie wants to be the first to walk down the aisle badly, she can move her wedding date.

She shouldn’t be making other people put their lives on hold because of whatever ridiculous whim she has

AbigailsArtwork − YTA. It’s clear you’re playing favourites between your ‘new’ family and ‘old’ one.

It’s not just Marie’s fault you haven’t met her fiancé or even knew she was pregnant…

those are things you should be present for in her life to know.

And now, you're punishing her for your own mistakes (and your other daughters selfishness).

No wonder Marie’s family has been calling you that.

BishopGodDamnYou − You and Julia are awful. YTA.

terrorsaurus_rex89 − YTA. I'm sorry but surely you can't think that a fair reasoning is that

Julie wants to go first so you have to decline your biological daughter.

Someone who it sounds like you have had little contact with because "her mum had custody".

Clearly your daughter is reaching out to you and wants her father to be a part of her special day...

despite how much input you seem to have out into her life over the years.

To her, you're still her father and she wants you there.

How exactly do you think she feels knowing that her father has just outright rejected her.

Would you not think that comes across as uncaring and selfish

and that perhaps to her it feels like you're playing happy families?

Come on OP! Get a bit of perspective here and try seeing this from Marie's viewpoint.

You could have reached out to her and been there for her more over the years

instead of copping out and saying "well her mum got full custody".

You just had an opportunity to step up and you blew it.

These commenters emphasized that the father could and should walk both daughters

[Reddit User] − YTA idk how you can even think you aren’t.

She’s your daughter and she’s giving birth to your grandchild in a few months.

Why would you even think it’s an either/or when this is an obvious walk both daughters down.

You’re her father and you should be committed to her on the day of her wedding.

Being walked to the altar is almost every girl’s dream! Call her and admit you’re wrong.

It maybe too late and you may now be losing both your daughter’s relationship and your future grandchild’s.

Do whatever it takes to prevent that scenario.

[Reddit User] − YTA, and lying to yourself, it’s obvious you have a favorite.

This user showed slight empathy

Foreign-Tourist-471 − A light YTA for you as I fully understand that Marie’s announcement took you off guard.

I think you should talk to her and explain exactly what you told us about why you were hesitant.

Maybe you should (diplomatically) inquire why you have never heard of her fiancé until now just to get clarity.

I think the biggest A in this scenario is honestly Julie.

What kind of a request is that???? She is one of two girls.

She should realize that you have an obligation to do this for both of them.

What would make it less special if you did it for Marie first?

[Reddit User] − YTA. Man you’re an a__hole. Geez. WTF does it matter who you walk first with?

Sounds like a lot of entitlement. She is your daughter FFS.

This Redditor went further, saying the dad’s guilt only surfaced due to public backlash, not genuine remorse

LabZealousideal5478 − YTA. The saddest part is that even if this post opens your eyes to your hurtful and unfair behavior,

I don’t think there is anything you can really do to make it up to Marie.

You’ve just confirmed all her fears about her place in your life, permanently second to Julie.

I really hope she doesn’t allow you and your family anymore opportunities to hurt her.

She deserves better than your halfassed recommendations for alternatives on her wedding day.

And you know what else is gross, you only felt bad when you were outted for the AH you are to mutual acquaintances.

That says a lot about your character, It wasn’t Marie’s tears or pain that evoked this budding guilt.

No it was the social pressure and the damage it was doing to your reputation.

Use this as a wake-up call, take some agency of your life, go to therapy,

learn how to be a better person and maybe the father MARIE deserves.

One folk asked for more information

sidTAlmighty − Info : do you're on of those dudes who has kids, is a deadbeat,

and then finds a wife that already has kids, but become the perfect dad to such kid ?

In the end, the father’s attempt at “fairness” only deepened the divide between his two daughters. The internet’s verdict was clear: walking a child down the aisle isn’t about who asked first, it’s about showing up when it matters most. Now, he’s left wondering if it’s too late to fix what one decision broke.

Would you forgive him if you were Marie? Or do some moments, especially ones meant to symbolize love and support, only come once in a lifetime?

Layla Bui

Layla Bui

Hi, I’m Layla Bui. I’m a lifestyle and culture writer for Daily Highlight. Living in Los Angeles gives me endless energy and stories to share. I believe words have the power to question the world around us. Through my writing, I explore themes of wellness, belonging, and social pressure, the quiet struggles that shape so many of our lives.

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