A quiet family home turned into an emotional battleground over one choice.
A woman in her mid thirties thought she had a solid marriage. Two daughters. A house bought in 2003 that grew in value. Traditions, routines, all the cozy things that make a family feel unshakable.
Then, three months ago, she learned that her husband cheated on her during both of her pregnancies. While she carried each daughter, he carried on two separate affairs. The girls are now fourteen and sixteen. They know he cheated, but they see it as “a long time ago.”
In their eyes, the real threat is not the betrayal. It is the divorce. They told their mother that if she files, they will never see her again. They currently refuse to spend time with her. They stay either with their father in the studio apartment or with him in the house on “her” weeks.
Faced with that ultimatum, she made a decision.
Now, read the full story:
My heart hurt reading this. You are holding two kinds of grief at once. Grief for the marriage you thought you had. Grief for the bond with your daughters that now feels shattered.
For your husband, the cheating sits far in the past. For you, it happened three months ago. Your brain and body still live inside the shock. The timing mismatch matters.
Your daughters are teenagers. Their world shrinks to their own comfort. In their minds, the family felt fine last year. You are the one pushing change now, so you become the villain.
You still chose yourself. You chose to refuse a life with someone who betrayed you during the most vulnerable times of your life, pregnancy with each child.
That decision looks selfish to them today. I see it as self respect. And, honestly, as an important example for two future women who may someday face their own hard choices.
This whole situation feels brutal, but it also feels deeply human.
Let’s pull this out of the emotional tornado and look at a few pieces.
First, infidelity is not just “a mistake.” It can hit like an emotional car crash. Mental health professionals note that being betrayed by a partner often leads to symptoms that resemble post traumatic stress. People report intrusive thoughts, obsessive replaying, nightmares, and hypervigilance.
In other words, your brain does not go, “That was a long time ago, so I should be fine.” Your brain goes, “My reality just shattered.”
Some therapists describe “infidelity disgust.” It links to our deepest moral values. When someone breaks vows around loyalty, trust, and safety, the betrayed partner may feel physical revulsion at their touch or presence.
That sounds a lot like your “I can’t even look at him anymore.”
So your desire for divorce does not come from pettiness. It comes from a nervous system that no longer feels safe in that relationship.
Second, let’s talk about the idea that parents should “stay together for the children.”
Research on divorce shows that, yes, parental separation relates to higher adjustment problems in kids on average.
But that is not the whole picture. Psychologists and family law experts point out that growing up inside a high conflict or loveless marriage can harm children too. It can deprive them of healthy relationship models and saturate the house with tension.
So the choice is not always between “perfect married home” and “destroyed divorced home.” Sometimes the real choice sits between “fake stability with simmering resentment” and “two smaller but honest homes.”
Your current arrangement, where the children stay in the house and parents rotate in and out, actually has a name. It is called “birdnesting.”
Child psychologists say it can help kids feel stable during the transition because their environment stays constant. At the same time, it often drains the parents and can confuse children if it drags on too long. Some experts recommend it as a temporary solution, not a permanent life.
In your case, birdnesting seems to buy time while everyone adjusts. It also keeps you near a man you no longer trust, which likely slows your healing.
Third, let’s look at your daughters.
At fourteen and sixteen, their brains still wire up the bridge between emotions and logical decision making. The emotional center fires easily. The planning center in the frontal cortex still matures.
That means teenagers often act from feeling before thought. They cling to what feels safe right now. Their dad still looks like the same fun, present parent. You are the one pushing for divorce. In their minds, you equal disruption.
They also see time differently. To them, an affair that happened before their earliest memories feels like ancient history. They do not grasp that, for you, discovery equals impact. Emotionally, it “just happened.”
None of this makes their ultimatum kind. It does make it understandable.
Some commenters used the words emotional blackmail. That fits. They told you, “Do what we want or lose us.” That threat can crush a parent. You still have to decide whether you want your daughters to learn that kind of tactic works.
A child therapist writing about infidelity and kids warns parents not to make children responsible for adult decisions. Kids need reassurance that both parents love them. They do not need power over whether a divorce happens.
So what can you do.
You can keep the boundary around your marriage. You do not need to sacrifice your mental health to win their temporary approval. You can also keep the door wide open for them. Texts. Cards. Messages that say, “I love you. I am here when you are ready.”
You can avoid bad mouthing their dad, even if the urge burns. Instead, you can speak about your feelings in “I” language. For example, “I feel hurt and I cannot stay married after what happened.”
You can encourage individual therapy for them, if possible, with someone who is not aligned with either parent. They need space to process anger and fear without pleasing you or their father.
One family law resource on co parenting after infidelity reminds parents that, with rare exceptions, kids benefit when both parents stay involved.
That means your goal is not to win them away from him. It is to let them know they can love both of you and still respect you for stepping away from betrayal.
You may go years with a strained relationship. It may hurt every day. But children often see more clearly once they have some distance, maybe after they date or face their own hard choices.
If they someday stand in front of a partner who cheats and pressures them to stay “for the kids,” your example might be the thing that helps them walk out the door.
You cannot control their current judgment. You can only control the kind of woman you choose to be in front of them.
Check out how the community responded:
Many commenters backed the mother. They felt the daughters used emotional pressure, and that staying with a cheater would send a dangerous message about what love should tolerate.
Others tried to explain why the girls side with their father. They pointed out that he broke trust with the mother, not with them, and that teens often direct anger at the parent pushing change.
A few commenters focused squarely on the lesson the daughters will carry into their own relationships. They said modeling boundaries now may matter more than keeping peace today.
This story hurts on every level.
A woman discovered that the man she built a life with betrayed her during both pregnancies. Her daughters now punish her for refusing to live inside that lie. She stands at a fork in the road. One path keeps her marriage on paper and destroys her self respect. The other path risks losing her children’s favor while she holds onto her integrity.
She chose herself, and that choice feels both heartbreaking and necessary.
Teenagers may not grasp the full weight of infidelity yet. They only see the immediate loss of one intact household. In time, they may recognize that their mother refused to normalize betrayal. She chose to model that love without respect is not enough.
So what do you think. Would you stay with a partner who cheated while you carried your children just to keep the family under one roof. Or would you make the same choice, even if your kids swore they would never forgive you.
