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Ex Tries To Play Father, Widow Irritated, Says He Is Not And Makes Him Know His Place

by Jeffrey Stone
December 2, 2025
in Social Issues

A grieving widow, still raw from losing her soulmate in a tragic car accident, clashed hard with her ex who got too cozy with her toddler. Leaning on him for comfort post-loss, the boundary blurred until her daughter’s “papa” slip ignited a shouting match that shook their fragile peace.

Reddit’s AITA buzzes over this heartache-fueled drama, splitting on her fierce outburst versus the ex’s sacred overstep. With mom’s side-eye and a toddler caught in the crossfire, this saga blends grief’s sting with loyalty’s raw edge.

Ex calls daughter “his”, widow lashed it out on him, says he is not the father.

Ex Tries To Play Father, Widow Irritated, Says He Is Not And Makes Him Know His Place
Not the actual photo.

'AITA for lashing out at my ex and saying he's not my baby's father?'

I (f34) had been with my husband for over 12 years. We had our child when I was 31, and my husband 33.

Sadly, recently (1.5 y. ago, when my baby was around 2 y.) my husband, the love of my life, died in a tragic accident

(careless driver hit his car on a foggy slippery road, he died instantly in a crash).

His death left me in shambles, only thing that kept me at least sane was our daughter.

I couldn't believe that i lost him. He was my rock, my light and I loved him dearly. In a way I still cannot believe that he's gone.

That's where my ex comes in. In about year after my husband's accident, he reached out to me to talk, to vent maybe.

We separated long time ago, couple of years before I've met my husband.

We didn't exactly stay friends but were on good terms, and spoke occasionally - hi, how are you kind of talk.

So he reached out and offered to help as a friend. It was unexpected but I accepted

because I really needed a friend and frankly I don't have a lot of close friends besides him.

He occasionally came over to our place, brought some gifts to my daughter and we talked over tea or a beer.

It wasn't intimate - he had several casual relationships over the years, and I clearly told him that I'm not ready for any relationships after my husband (still not ready,...

So he came over once or twice a month, he was very sweet with my daughter, so I didn't see anything wrong with them bonding.

But then my baby started calling my ex papa. It annoyed me very much, but I didn't say anything, because she's a toddler - how is she supposed to now...

I tried gently explaining to her that my ex isn't papa, but I doubt she understood.

So I just started sending her to my or my husband's mom when my ex came over.

In truth I know our baby won't remember her father - photos is all she'll have of him. And I don't want another man to take his place in her...

So everything was normal again. I noticed that my ex was visibly upset when I told him that my daughter isn't home. But I didn't think much of it.

And last time is where I snapped. That's where I might be the AH, because I ended up screaming at my ex and probably should have handled it better.

So when he was at our house and we played some video games and had couple of beers,

my mother brought my daughter home early - she was very grumpy and wanted to go home.

He stood up and told my daughter - "Here's MY baby, I missed you!" And reached to hug her.

That's where I snapped at him. I told him angrily that he is in fact not her father,

and that she is my and my husband's baby and will never be his baby no matter how much he wants it.

And if he wants to have a child he still have plenty of chances with his girlfriend.

He told me I was a real ah for saying such cruel things and left. My mother told me that I was kind of an a__hole too and I acted...

UPDATE:

First, I wanted to say thank you for everyone who offered condolences, advice and criticisms! I appreciate it very much!

I think a little context and explanation is due. My husband and I had a really tight friend group,

we usually hung out at our place because we have sort of a play room - with ps5, good pc, VR, board games and DND table.

We are big fans of gaming in many ways.

Sadly our friends moved to different countries over the years one by one,

and after my husband died I was left with only one friend from the group nearby.

But she's a young mother too and we can't hang out like before. We still speak but it's not been the same.

So I wanted some familiarity when my ex appeared. I was vulnerable and allowed things to escalate too much.

I desperately wanted to have a friend who shares similar interests with me and my husband.

So I was blind to some red flags and my own wrong choices.

Also I never left my ex alone with my daughter for more than couple of minutes. I was wrong to introduce them in the first place.

Now to the update itself:

Yesterday evening my ex came by unannounced and uninvited. I was a little worried,

but thankfully my husband's brother and his wife was at our house with their kids on a playdate.

So i asked them to watch over the kids for some time and went to talk with my ex outside.

He was drunk. A lot. He started talking and he said a lot. In a nutshell he said that he will always care about me,

that he suppressed some feelings for all this 15 years and he just realized that he was a fool to let me go.

I admit, I do care about him too, but not even remotely in a way I care about my husband.

So I was a fool to hope we can be friends and have civil relationship without any implications.

Our talk started getting heated and we argued, a lot of accusations were thrown.

My BIL came out of the house and brought our big overprotective dog with him.

So I quickly apologized to my ex for leading him on and told him to move on and asked him to leave and never return.

I was a bit worried that things can get violent, but he left without any protest.

He later posted long and vague post about being hurt and that love is s__t, and he is better off alone, and tagged me and several of his other exes.

Not sure how his GF may react to that but it doesn't really matter anymore.

I blocked him everywhere and hope he won't appear in our lives anymore.

Also I will update my security system as soon as possible just in case.

Getting into a relationship can be a way to deal with grief results from the passing of one’s partner, as you may find in some other articles on Daily Highlight. Especially if one has a toddler, a new partner could play the role of the child’s caregiver.

Yet, it is also understandable for someone with passing partner to not find a new relationship, simply because of the pain. And this Redditor’s story is a gut-punch reminder of that pain.

Her ex’s attempt to step in as a friend took a wild turn when he claimed her daughter as “his baby,” sparking a fiery reaction. Let’s unpack this messy situation with a dash of wit and a whole lot of empathy.

The Redditor’s outburst was a volcano of grief erupting after months of suppressed frustration. Her ex’s behavior, while possibly well-meaning, ignored the emotional landmines of a widow navigating life after loss.

According to a 2020 study by the American Psychological Association, grief can amplify emotional responses, making even small triggers feel like betrayals.

Her ex calling her daughter “his” felt like an attempt to rewrite her family’s story, which is a bold move for a guy who’s just a friend.

On the flip side, the ex might’ve thought he was being supportive, bonding with the toddler to ease the Redditor’s burden. But here’s the tea: good intentions don’t excuse overstepping.

Dr. John Gottman, a renowned relationship expert, once said, “Empathy is not just understanding someone’s feelings, it’s respecting their boundaries.”

This ex missed that memo. His persistence, especially after getting upset when the toddler wasn’t around, raises eyebrows. Was he trying to fill a void in his own life, or was he hoping for a second chance with his old flame? Either way, he misread the room.

This saga taps into a broader issue: navigating boundaries in blended or unconventional family dynamics. A 2022 Pew Research study found that 40% of adults in the U.S. have navigated complex family structures, often leading to tension over roles and relationships.

The Redditor’s instinct to protect her late husband’s place in her daughter’s heart is understandable. Toddlers don’t grasp loss, but moms carry it forever. Her ex’s actions, intentional or not, risked muddying those sacred memories.

So, what’s the takeaway? Clear communication is key. The Redditor could’ve set firmer boundaries earlier, but grief clouds judgment and cut her some slack.

For anyone in a similar spot, experts suggest open dialogue about roles and expectations upfront.

If you’re the friend stepping in, ask, don’t assume. And if you’re the grieving party, it’s okay to say, “This is too much.”

Reddit’s verdict leans toward her not being the jerk, but the real win is learning to guard your heart while healing.

These are the responses from Reddit users:

Some believe the ex’s attempts to act as a father figure are inappropriate and justify setting boundaries.

[Reddit User] − NTA bc he's forcing a relationship that doesn't exist. He isn’t the baby's dad, you two aren't in a relationship.

Tbh though, I think you need to stop seeing him. Cut the cord permanently. It's like he's trying to have some pseudo-relationship that doesn't exist.

Beck2010 − NTA! !! For whatever reason, he’s been doing a slow creep into your life and trying to be your daughter’s father.

You brushed it off long enough, to the point where you snapped. We ALL have a breaking point, and that’s okay.

Tell your mom: “Although you think I was rude, I wasn’t. I had reached my breaking point.

Ex has no right to try to be dad, and he needed to hear this very directly. He has a gf. He needs to stop coming around. I am past...

Would you appreciate someone claiming me as their daughter in this way? No? End of conversation.”

chudan_dorik − NTA and this seems to be some ploy on his part to get back with you and has extended to creating a relationship with your daughter.

Others find the ex’s behavior suspicious and potentially predatory, urging caution.

Otherwise_Degree_729 − NTA. I don’t think a toddler would call someone papa without anyone saying that before.

I don’t wanna be the super jaded Redditor but that’s what I am;( It pretty suspicious he reached out after your husband passing,

I would have understood reaching out to give you his condolences but he seems to be forcing a relationship with you and your daughter

and overstepping while your grieving which makes it easier for him.

Glamonster − I noticed that my ex was visibly upset when I told him that my daughter isn't home.

But I didn't think much of it. Sorry, but, imo, this is worrisome. I know he might not be a predator,

maybe he just projects something that doesn't exist onto your child, and that is problematic and unhealthy in it's own way,

but, his desire to build a relationship with a small child without your involvement rings all the alarm bells inside my head.

Maybe I am just too paranoid, but, better safe than sorry.

Practical_Reindeer23 − Nta. But please stop hanging out with this guy. He isn't there for you, he's there for your child. It really comes across as creepy.

Some suggest the ex’s actions are misguided but recommend communication to clarify boundaries.

mlc885 − NAH I think you took some unresolved trauma out on him, and both he was also wrong,

assuming you want to be friends and have him in your kid's life.

Hopefully he will understand that it is a sore subject for you right now and parts of it will obviously be a sore subject forever.

[Reddit User] − Your not ready for a relationship your ready for another to step into your family.

The shock and loss you have gone through is enough to break most people,

in my opinion the day a child accepts another as the missing parent is when the final time that person dies.

NTA but id definitely reach out and explain (don't apologize for feelings) and say he can accept the rules going forward or can skip back off

One person finds the ex’s involvement with the child suspicious and questions access.

[Reddit User] − This whole situation is bizarre to me. I don’t understand why you’d allow your ex this much access to your kid.

I understand needing the support but the situation is suspicious af to me. In general NTA…

One user questions the ex’s motives for being upset when the child isn’t home.

Special_Lychee_6847 − NTA Am I paranoid to question his motives for wanting to get friendly and get upset the child isn't home, when he visits?

This Redditor’s tale is a rollercoaster of heartbreak, loyalty, and one ill-timed hug that set off a firestorm.

Snapping at her ex might’ve been messy, but protecting her daughter’s connection to her late father was pure mama-bear instinct.

Was her outburst a touch too dramatic, or did her ex deserve the reality check for trying to play papa?

How would you handle an ex who gets too close for comfort in a moment of vulnerability? Drop your thoughts and let’s keep discussion going!

Jeffrey Stone

Jeffrey Stone

Jeffrey Stone is a valuable freelance writer at DAILY HIGHLIGHT. As a senior entertainment and news writer, Jarvis brings a wealth of expertise in the field, specifically focusing on the entertainment industry.

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