Parenting often brings unexpected lessons, especially when old ideas about gender roles clash with modern kids who refuse to fit neatly into stereotypes. One Redditor learned this the hard way after treating his twin children differently when they both showed interest in lifting weights.
While he showered his 7-year-old son with “wow, you’re so strong!” encouragement, he gave his daughter little more than a nod. His teenage daughter immediately called him out, accusing him of misogyny. His wife agreed, branding his behavior “cartoonish.”
What followed was a wake-up call that forced him to re-examine his parenting, his upbringing, and even his relationship with his late grandfather. Want the full tea? Here’s the story.
A dad praises his 7-year-old son’s new interest in weightlifting to encourage “masculine” hobbies, but gives his twin daughter less enthusiasm
OP later edited the post
Psychologists have long studied how gendered praise shapes kids’ self-image. Research from the University of Illinois shows that children as young as six begin internalizing stereotypes about which activities “belong” to boys or girls, often limiting their confidence and career aspirations later on.
In practice, it means that comments like “you’re so strong” for a boy and silence for a girl reinforce invisible walls around identity.
Dr. Christia Spears Brown, a developmental psychologist, writes in Parenting Beyond Pink & Blue: “When we label interests as masculine or feminine, we’re not just describing them, we’re steering children toward or away from entire areas of possibility.” This is exactly what the Redditor stumbled into.
Interestingly, research also shows that fathers’ reactions carry particular weight.
A study published in Sex Roles found that boys who sensed their fathers disapproved of “non-masculine” activities reported lower self-esteem, while girls who sensed diminished enthusiasm in “masculine” tasks felt less competent. The dad’s split praise hit both traps at once.
The Redditor’s eventual realization was powerful. He admitted he had absorbed misogynistic patterns from his grandfather, who belittled his younger brother for being effeminate.
Recognizing that cycle allowed him to step back and choose differently. He apologized to his children, explored their interests, and even altered an old Hawaiian shirt with his son, finding new ways to bond without forcing masculinity.
What can parents learn here? First, praise effort equally across kids, regardless of gender. Second, ditch labels like “masculine” or “feminine” for activities. Cooking, lifting, sewing, or playing sports are simply skills. Finally, model openness by joining kids in their worlds, even if it means watching She-Ra together or strapping on roller skates. The joy isn’t in the label, but in the shared experience.
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
These Reddit users called out the misogyny and dubbed him “AH of the year” for dismissing his daughter’s lifting
Some flagged the toxic “masculine identity” push
This group urged equal encouragement
One commenter urged the dad to “man up” and join his son’s baking, warning that unequal praise could make his kids feel conditionally loved
In the end, the father admitted he was in the wrong and vowed to do better. His story shows how easily even loving parents can perpetuate gender stereotypes and how quickly kids notice. He’s now working to break the cycle, proving that growth is always possible.
So, what do you think? Was his daughter right to call him out so directly? And do you think his apology and shift in perspective are enough to undo the damage? Share your thoughts below!
