When it comes to parenting, setting boundaries and trusting your instincts is essential, especially when it comes to your child’s safety. One mother was faced with a tough situation when her husband decided their 11-month-old daughter would spend the night at his parents’ house.
Despite feeling uneasy about the idea, particularly due to safety concerns regarding SIDS, her husband dismissed her worries. With tension mounting, the mother-in-law’s involvement only added to the stress, and the mother found herself in a difficult position.
Is she overreacting, or is it her right to protect her child and follow her instincts?
When situations like this arise, the heart of the matter often isn’t just the child‑care plan, it’s about trust and communication.
In this scenario, the OP voiced strong discomfort with her 11‑month‑old daughter staying overnight at her in‑laws’ house and sleeping in a playpen, citing concerns around American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) safe‑sleep guidelines.
Her husband overrode her hesitation, stating that her opinion “doesn’t matter” and moving ahead anyway. The result: she found out her daughter was being picked up by the in‑laws without a proper discussion, which created hurt, confusion, and escalation.
From the OP’s angle, the issue is clear: a parent’s concern for safety and comfort was dismissed.
From the husband’s (and in‑laws’) perspective, the arrangement may have felt routine or harmless, but bypassed the parent who is directly responsible for the child, which raises questions about respect, shared decision‑making, and boundaries.
This clash isn’t simply about an overnight stay; it’s about who gets to decide and how the voices of both parents are valued.
The AAP’s safe‑sleep guidance states that infants should be placed on their backs on a firm, flat surface and in their own sleep space, not on inclined, soft, or unclear surfaces, to reduce the risk of sudden infant death syndrome (SIDS).
Another resource, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), emphasises that the sleep area for infants “should be a firm, flat surface … covered only by a fitted sheet” and that caregivers should keep soft bedding out of the sleep area.
On the broader social front, research shows that high levels of parental or inter‑parental conflict correlate with poorer social outcomes for children (such as decreased prosocial behaviour), underscoring how these seemingly isolated decisions ripple into overall family dynamics.
As family therapist Nedra Glover Tawwab writes: “You have to respect yourself enough not to let other people treat you badly — and you have to set boundaries and keep them, let people clearly know how you expect to be treated.”
In this case, the OP’s setting of a boundary around the baby’s overnight stay is a manifestation of that principle. It’s not about being difficult—it’s about advocating for her child, and for her role as parent.
To resolve the situation, OP and her husband need to have an open, non-confrontational discussion about their parenting values and decision-making processes.
It’s crucial that they establish clear, mutual boundaries when it comes to decisions about their child’s safety, and OP should communicate how her concerns were dismissed.
A compromise could involve setting specific guidelines for future decisions, like creating an “overnight plan” that outlines safety standards and expectations for caregivers.
Additionally, OP should express her wishes to the in-laws in a firm but respectful way, emphasizing the importance of adhering to those guidelines for the child’s well-being.
Ultimately, both parents need to listen to each other, acknowledge their respective concerns, and work together to create a united front in how they handle such decisions going forward.
These are the responses from Reddit users:
These Redditors had zero patience for the husband’s move.
This group was more focused on the husband’s controlling behavior and the lack of communication.
These users offered a bit more nuance, urging the OP to consider whether anxiety was playing a role in her hesitance.
Let’s just say these two were ready to call it quits.
These commenters sided firmly with the OP.
Parenting is a team effort, and both partners must feel heard and respected. In this case, the mother’s concerns about sleep safety were valid, and her instincts shouldn’t be dismissed.
The question remains, how should couples navigate such disagreements in parenting? Was the husband right to dismiss his wife’s discomfort, or should he have listened to her concerns? Share your thoughts in the comments below!
