Losing a child is the ultimate heartbreak, and when family fails to show up during such a crucial time, it can add to the pain. A woman’s daughter fought a brave battle with cancer, and throughout her treatment, the child’s grandparents refused to visit, despite her repeated cries for their presence.
After her daughter passed away, the woman was left not only grieving the loss of her child but also the emotional abandonment by her in-laws.
Now, months later, she’s chosen to cut off all communication with her in-laws, refusing to allow them into her home, and leaving her husband conflicted between supporting her and maintaining ties with his family. Was she right to sever all ties with her in-laws, or did she overstep in her grief? Keep reading to see how others feel about her decision.
A mother wonders if she’s wrong for cutting off communication with her in-laws after they failed to support her family during her daughter’s illness
In situations like this, there’s a universal emotional truth: grief after losing a child is profoundly distressing, and support, especially from close family, can significantly affect how people cope. Losing a child is associated with intense, long‑lasting emotional pain and a greater need for supportive relationships.
Research shows that people grieving a significant loss, particularly the death of a child or partner, often experience higher levels of anxiety and depression and actively want support from social networks to help process their grief. Those who want support tend to experience more psychological distress when it is absent.
It’s also well‑established in psychological literature that social support plays an important role in the grieving process. Strong social connections can reduce prolonged distress and help bereaved individuals regulate emotions and adapt to the loss of a loved one.
Conversely, when bereaved people perceive a lack of support from close family or friends, this can worsen their emotional pain and sense of isolation.
This fits the OP’s experience of feeling abandoned by her in‑laws while her daughter was critically ill, especially when the request for their presence was reasonable and focused on supporting her daughter and the family’s well‑being. (ResearchGate)
Part of understanding grief involves recognizing how emotional responses to traumatic experiences can lead to boundary‑setting. Experts note that when trauma survivors, including individuals grieving a major loss, set boundaries with family members, it’s often because it protects their emotional safety and supports healing.
Establishing limits isn’t about punishment; it’s a way for someone to reclaim agency and create a safe space after a deeply destabilizing experience. Psychology discusses how boundaries help individuals regulate stress and define what they need to feel safe and respected.
In your case, the in‑laws’ absence during critical moments, repeated refusals to visit when your daughter longed to see them or to make practical compromises intended to protect her, likely feels to you like emotional neglect during one of the most vulnerable moments a parent can face.
That isn’t a trivial reaction; the literature on grief highlights how unmet needs for social support in times of loss can contribute to lingering distress. (Bereaved parents frequently want support and suffer more when it’s absent.)
Cutting off contact with people who repeatedly fail to provide needed emotional support, especially when their actions overlapped with a traumatic experience like your daughter’s illness and passing, is not inherently unreasonable from a mental health perspective.
Choosing distance is often part of preserving well‑being when relationships feel hurtful or unsafe. Again, setting boundaries is a recognized, legitimate coping strategy for those processing traumatic grief.
At the same time, it’s also true that remaining in some form of connection or engaging in supportive therapy can help long‑term adjustment for both you and your immediate family.
Professional grief counseling or support groups tailored to bereaved parents are commonly recommended to help manage complicated grief and long‑term psychological distress when family support is limited or absent. PositivePsychology.com
Here’s what the community had to contribute:
These users strongly supported the OP, expressing disgust at the in-laws’ behavior, particularly their refusal to support the OP and their dying granddaughter
This group pointed out the long-term damage caused by the in-laws’ actions and the husband’s failure to see it
These commenters sympathized with the OP’s grief and confirmed that her feelings were valid
These users expressed frustration with the husband’s failure to stand up to his parents
So, where does that leave us? While the mother’s decision to cut ties with her in-laws might seem harsh, the emotional toll of their neglect is undeniably painful.
Do you think the mother was justified in her actions, or should she have found a way to reconcile for the sake of the family? Let us know what you think? Can you ever truly forgive family members who choose to abandon you during your greatest time of need?
