Living with roommates often means making compromises, but where do you draw the line between respect and control? One renter says his Jewish roommate has banned him from using the apartment oven, an appliance included with the lease and paid for by both of them.
Not only that, but the roommate insists all food in the kitchen and fridge must be kosher, even though OP doesn’t share the same faith. When OP pushed back, he was called “unreasonable” and “disrespectful.” Now he’s asking: is he wrong for feeling that this demand goes too far, or is refusing making him the bad roommate?
One man shared that his Jewish roommate told him he couldn’t use the oven or even store non-kosher food in the fridge in the apartment they both paid for
Conflicts like this often expose the messy intersection between personal belief and communal living. The OP’s frustration is understandable: he’s paying half the rent, yet being told he can’t use basic appliances.
From a psychological perspective, this is a boundary issue. Licensed marriage and family therapist Nedra Glover Tawwab emphasizes that “boundaries are the distance at which I can love you and me simultaneously.” In this case, the roommate’s boundary overstepped into control.
Religious observance in shared spaces is a nuanced issue. According to the Jewish Virtual Library, kosher kitchens require separation of meat and dairy and strict cleanliness rules, but crucially, it’s the responsibility of the observant individual to maintain their own standards.
As Reddit’s own Orthodox Jewish commenter pointed out, “Every kosher-keeping Jew knows it’s their own responsibility to keep their standards.”
Sociologists note that roommate conflicts often escalate when expectations aren’t clearly set. A study from Journal of College & University Student Housing found that mismatched lifestyle expectations were the top reason for roommate fallouts. This matches what we see here: the OP felt blindsided.
The fairest solution? Neutral ground. Experts suggest shared appliances can be used by all tenants unless agreements are made upfront. If one roommate requires stricter standards, they may need to provide personal appliances, like a private microwave or mini-fridge. Otherwise, resentment builds, and cohabitation collapses.
Here’s what Redditors had to say:
Commenters said the roommate’s demands were unreasonable, stressing that shared appliances belong to everyone paying rent
One user shared a similar college experience, noting that even a rabbi confirmed non-Jewish roommates aren’t expected to keep kosher
One, an Orthodox Jew, chimed in to say the roommate’s request wasn’t legitimate
This group suggested this arrangement might simply be incompatible and one roommate should move out
This user offered a practical fix: let the roommate buy his own microwave if he wants exclusive use
So what do you think? Was the OP right to push back and demand access to the oven, or should he bend to accommodate his roommate’s faith in the name of harmony? Drop your thoughts below!
