Co parenting after a difficult divorce is rarely simple, especially when new spouses, old resentments, and professional pride collide. In this case, a union electrician found himself at the center of an uncomfortable conflict involving his ex wife, her new husband, and a request for free labor that touched a nerve far deeper than money.
What started as a casual comment at a child’s volleyball game quickly escalated into accusations of pettiness and tension threatening an already fragile co parenting relationship. The question many readers are asking is simple but loaded.
Was this father wrong for standing his ground, or was refusing unpaid work the only reasonable choice?
The Situation
The father is a licensed electrician and a union member. He shares custody of his three children with his ex wife. Their divorce the year before was rough, but things had stabilized enough to manage parenting responsibilities without constant conflict. That balance shifted when his ex remarried a man named Brad only six months after they began dating.
Brad also works in the trades, though not as a licensed electrician. He is self employed, does small non union IT and data networking jobs, and reportedly struggles to turn a real profit. The tension began publicly at the father’s daughter’s volleyball game.
While standing near him, Brad made comments mocking unions, saying that real tradesmen do not need to be in a union. This was said directly in front of the father, who was wearing a shirt with his union logo.
The father chose not to respond. He stayed calm and avoided confrontation for the sake of the kids. However, the remark did not go unnoticed or unfelt.
A few weeks later, the ex wife called unexpectedly. She explained that Brad was having trouble with an electrical panel at one of his jobs and asked if the father could just swing by and check it out.
She emphasized it would only take a few minutes, was not a big deal, and that he would technically be working for Brad.
The father declined. He explained that he charges everyone the same rate and that union rules prohibit him from doing side work outside his shop. He suggested Brad hire his own subcontractor or pay the standard rate like any other client.
This response angered his ex wife. She accused him of forcing an issue with her husband, being petty, and creating unnecessary tension simply because Brad now lives with the kids.
The father responded that professionalism is not pettiness and that he does not provide free labor to people who openly disrespect his trade.
Why This Is About More Than Money
On the surface, this dispute looks like a simple refusal to do a favor. In reality, it touches on boundaries, respect, and workplace ethics.
Union rules exist for a reason. According to labor experts, unions enforce strict guidelines around off the books work to protect worker safety, wages, and liability.
The US Bureau of Labor Statistics reports that union workers earn on average about 18 percent more than non union workers in skilled trades. That difference reflects not just pay, but training standards, insurance coverage, and legal protections.
Doing unpaid or informal work can expose electricians to serious risks. Electrical work is consistently ranked among the most dangerous professions.
The Occupational Safety and Health Administration notes that electricians face high risks of injury, disability, or death from shock or fire.
Performing work without proper documentation or coverage could leave a worker personally liable if something goes wrong.
From a professional standpoint, the father was not just refusing a favor. He was protecting his license, his livelihood, and his safety.
The Respect Factor
Brad’s earlier comment about unions is central to this conflict. Many Reddit users pointed out the irony of insulting union tradesmen and then immediately asking one for help.
Respect is often cited by relationship counselors as a foundational requirement for healthy co parenting dynamics.
Family therapist Dr. Carla Manly has stated that boundaries are essential in blended families, especially when past conflicts exist. Saying no is not an act of aggression. It is often an act of self respect.
Brad did not approach the father directly. Instead, the ex wife called on his behalf, framing the request as a small favor. This added another layer of discomfort.
Several commenters noted that if Brad truly respected the father’s skills, he would have called himself and offered fair compensation.
Is This Petty or Protective?
The ex wife framed the refusal as pettiness driven by jealousy or resentment over Brad’s role in the children’s lives. However, many readers disagreed.
Refusing unpaid work is not the same as refusing to cooperate in parenting. The father did not withhold time with the children, undermine Brad in front of them, or escalate the conflict publicly. He simply maintained a professional boundary.
Psychologists often warn against emotional labor disguised as obligation. Dr. Ramani Durvasula, a clinical psychologist, explains that guilt based requests often pressure people into sacrificing their own boundaries to keep peace. Over time, this leads to resentment and burnout.
In this case, the father’s refusal may actually prevent deeper conflict later. By setting a clear boundary now, he avoids establishing a pattern where he is expected to clean up Brad’s professional messes without respect or compensation.
Impact on Co Parenting
The biggest concern is whether this decision harms the children. Research consistently shows that children benefit most from co parents who are consistent, calm, and clear about boundaries. High conflict arises not from saying no, but from inconsistent expectations and unresolved resentment.
By remaining professional and avoiding insults, the father modeled restraint. He did not respond to Brad’s earlier jab at the volleyball game. He did not argue during the phone call. He explained his reasons and stood firm.
Experts in co parenting often recommend limiting interactions with ex spouses to logistics involving the children only. Mixing business favors into that relationship often leads to confusion and power struggles.
Here’s the comments of Reddit users:
Most Reddit commenters sided strongly with the father.
Some commenters even suggested documenting the interaction in case future custody disputes arise, emphasizing that clear records protect everyone involved.
So, is he the a-hole?
Based on the facts, the answer leans strongly toward no. The father did not refuse out of spite. He refused out of professionalism, safety, and self respect. He did not escalate the situation or involve the children. He simply declined to provide free labor to someone who had openly mocked his profession.
In blended families, not every request deserves a yes. Sometimes the healthiest choice is a calm, firm no. Boundaries are not acts of hostility. They are acts of clarity. And in this case, clarity may be exactly what keeps future conflicts from becoming far worse.
