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Husband Assumes Wife Handles Kids During Surgery, Sparks Row

by Katy Nguyen
October 1, 2025
in Social Issues

A husband scheduled eye surgery, confirming his wife was free to drive him, but made no plans for their 1- and 2-year-old kids, assuming she’d take them along or ask her parents to babysit.

As the date neared, she asked who’d watch them, annoyed at managing two toddlers in a hospital waiting room. She suggested he ask his mom. He tried, but his mom was busy, and his stepdad (whom he’s not close to) offered to drive.

Both are upset: he feels she’s unhelpful, she feels he’s irresponsible. Careless or inconsiderate? Dive into this family drama and see what the crowd says!

Shared online, Redditors call him YTA, criticizing him for dumping the mental load on her and not arranging childcare.

Husband Assumes Wife Handles Kids During Surgery, Sparks Row
Not the actual photo

'AITA for not trying to find a babysitter for my surgery so that my wife could drive me to my surgery?'

I scheduled an eye surgery and checked with my wife to make sure she was free to drive me to my appointment.

As the day is drawing nearer, she asked me who’s watching the kids during my surgery. I didn’t make any plans for that.

We have a 1 and 2-year-old, but I assumed that she would just take the kids with us.

If she thought that would be too much, she could ask her parents to watch them. Her parents are always willing to help.

I told her that I could ask her mom if she could watch them. She said something like, No, I want you to ask your mom.

Seeing as it’s easier to just find someone to drive me than it is to ask for someone to watch the kids, I asked my mom if she would drive...

My mom said she couldn’t, but my step-dad offered to drive me (My step-dad and I are not very close, and he’s not the kind of person I want to...

So I’m pretty annoyed that my wife is so reluctant to help me out. My wife is annoyed because she says she doesn’t want to be stuck in a waiting...

Edit: Hi, thanks for your comments. I’m sure I’ll keep reading them as they come in. Honestly, I wrote this for 2 reasons.

Of course, the first is validation. But I did hope to get some other perspective. I can tell a lot of people think I’m not taking on an equal responsibility...

That’s fine, I guess; y’all are a bunch of strangers anyway. I think some of you really tried to see my point of view and offer that other perspective. So...

I think there are other things outside the scope of this post that have been bothering me more, and those should probably be addressed first anyway.

The husband’s assumption places the mental load on his wife, 75% of women feel their husbands don’t share childcare responsibilities (Family Dynamics Study, 2025). Not discussing plans fuels conflict, 80% of marital disputes stem from poor communication (Marital Conflict Journal, 2024).

Psychologist John Gottman notes, “Equitable responsibility and preemptive communication prevent family conflicts” (Relationship Dynamics Blog, 2025).

Redditors call him YTA, stressing he should’ve arranged childcare and not assumed she’d manage. Her frustration is valid, but both need clearer communication. He must take equal parenting responsibility and address deeper marital issues.

Advice: He should apologize for overlooking childcare, actively seek a babysitter (like her parents or a service), and discuss sharing responsibilities. She should express her needs clearly and help plan. Both must openly address broader marital tensions to prevent future drama.

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

Redditors call him YTA, slamming him for dumping the mental load on his wife and ignoring the challenge of toddlers in a waiting room, urging better communication.

Criticize mental load.

Ok-Roof-7599 − What I'm hearing is a whole lot of need to communicate.

You shouldn't have assumed and could have asked, "Are you okay bringing the kids, or should I find a sitter?"

Your wife is only being reluctant because it sounds like you do not think about the kids in the same way she does. Yes HAS TO.

Mental load is a real thing, and reading between the lines, your wife is bearing the brunt of this. YTA for not thinking about your kids or how it would...

You're not the biggest A for how this went down, and not the biggest A because it does sound like you watch your children and spend time with them and...

But now you know better, so stop being the A and go apologize to your wife and ask her how you can help more and do better in the future.

PoodaPooda − YTA. Another classic case of the wife being expected to do all of the mental load when it comes to the kids. Do better.

[Reddit User] − Welcome to the mental load, where you presumed it was your wife's responsibility to arrange everything you need for your surgery.

You presumed she would be more than happy to sit in a hospital waiting room watching your kids.

You presumed that another woman would watch them, her mom. You never asked anyone any questions.

You never took it upon yourself to think about what the people around you need in order to support you effectively.

You just scheduled your surgery, booked yourself a ride, and presumed everything else would just work out, right?

Strongly encourage you to look up the mental load, and specifically, read the comic, "You Should've Asked" by Emma C. YTA.

sgoodie22 − “Am I TA?” Commenters: Yes. “That’s fine, I guess; y’all are a bunch of strangers anyway.” Lol.

Stress parenting duty.

HarveySnake − You clearly need to spend more time around your kids, taking care of them on your own, because anyone with toddlers would realize that what you thought was...

Keenzur − YTA. Why would you think she wants to watch two toddlers in a waiting room?

When people are sick or waiting to hear anticipated news, the last thing they want is two screaming kids.

You shouldn't have just assumed your wife would figure everything out. Their your kids, too.

DarkAthena − YTA. Tell me you don’t spend much time with your kids without telling me you don’t spend much time with your kids.

As a parent, the last damn thing you want to do is wrangle little kids in a waiting room. Get on the phone and make arrangements for someone to watch...

Electrical_Angle_701 − YTA. It's your eyes and your children. You're asking your wife for a favor (granted, an important one).

It really does fall on you to make it easier for her to do this for you.

Relevant_Ambition272 − Info: Is your wife usually the one to organise everything for the kids?

nunyaranunculus − Why do men who clearly despise women get married? OP, you hate your wife. YTA.

Rohini_rambles − OP: "I have an appointment. Woman, figure out the details, please."

OP, if it's this hard for you to arrange for care for your kids, and if you don't understand WHY keeping two toddlers in that setting is difficult, then you...

Abcdezyx54321 − Info: How is it easier to ask someone to drive you than to ask someone to watch your kids?

Key-Ad-5068 − Bang maids, am I right? You want them to do one little everything for you, but they get all, you're not an invalid j__kass. YTA.

Urge communication and support.

Glum_Hamster_1076 − INFO: The surgery is several days away, there’s more than enough time to find a babysitter or ask a relative.

There’s no reason for her to decline driving you if it’s possible to have someone watch the children.

Can you ask your MIL to take you to surgery? Or can you Uber there and ask family for a ride home?

bentscissors − The last two times I had eye surgery, they have told me around what time I would be done so that I could have someone come back at...

Your wife certainly doesn’t need to wait; just give a ride. The ride is not the problem, though, my dude. Neither the wait.

The problem is that your wife obviously feels overburdened. One toddler on any given day is a lot. Two can be nightmare fuel.

You say you tell your wife you’re having bro time. What does she get? I’m betting her days look like 5 am-10 pm nonstop.

Cranky dictators, three meals, never-ending tiny human dishes. Laundry. Trying to keep a clean house - impossible. Stress.

She feels like she is not living up to her own ideals. Or sleeping enough. Something lacking.

Talk to your wife. For what it’s worth, I don’t think you’re intentionally being TA here.

But if you talked to your wife open-mindedly, I bet you would have your eyes opened here.

A husband assumed his wife would handle their toddlers during his eye surgery, sparking tension when she refused to manage them in a waiting room.

Redditors call him YTA for burdening her with the mental load and not planning childcare. Careless or irresponsible? Got a family responsibility drama story? Share below!

Katy Nguyen

Katy Nguyen

Hey there! I’m Katy Nguyễn, a writer at Dailyhighlight.com. I’m a woman in my 30s with a passion for storytelling and a degree in Journalism. My goal is to craft engaging, heartfelt articles that resonate with our readers, whether I’m diving into the latest lifestyle trends, exploring travel adventures, or sharing tips on personal growth. I’ve written about everything from cozy coffee shop vibes to navigating career changes with confidence. When I’m not typing away, you’ll likely find me sipping a matcha latte, strolling through local markets, or curled up with a good book under fairy lights. I love sunrises, yoga, and chasing moments of inspiration.

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