A soon-to-be mother-in-law’s 60th birthday is looming, and not one of her five adult kids has lifted a finger to celebrate. Out of nowhere, the husband volunteers his wife to single-handedly plan the big bash, as if she’s the designated family event genie. Stunned, she flat-out refused and ran to Reddit’s AITA to check if she’s the villain for saying “hard pass.”
The internet went feral with opinions sharper than birthday candles. Thousands roared that she’s 100% right. Why is the daughter-in-law suddenly on the hook for her husband’s own mom? Others called the hubby entitled and his siblings lazy. The thread’s a glorious warzone of family duty, guilt trips, and zero accountability.
Woman’s refusal to plan mother-in-law’s 60th party sparks debate on family responsibility and emotional labor.
What we’re witnessing here is classic delegation-by-guilt: five adult children exist, yet somehow the daughter-in-law is handed the clipboard. It’s giving “I don’t want to deal with my siblings, so here, honey, you fix it” energy.
From the husband’s side, he might genuinely think his wife is the organized one and that she’d enjoy it (some people do love hosting!). But expecting her to single-handedly orchestrate his mother’s celebration – when he and his four siblings have contributed exactly nothing – reeks of entitlement.
This situation also shines a spotlight on a broader trend: daughters-in-law frequently absorb unpaid emotional and logistical labor for their spouse’s family. A 2023 study from the American Sociological Association found that women still perform the vast majority of “kin-keeping” work – remembering birthdays, organizing gifts, and yes, throwing the parties – even when both partners work full-time. No wonder Reddit exploded.
Licensed family therapist Nedra Glover Tawwab puts it perfectly: “You can’t control someone who won’t play by the rules – but you can decide not to play with them.”
If the wife throws this party solo, she’s signing a lifetime contract for every future milestone on her husband’s side. A fairer approach? Husband takes the lead, enlists his siblings, and the wife can chip in exactly as much (or as little) as he did for her own mom’s party – probably a big fat zero.
Bottom line: compassion for MIL is lovely, but it’s not the daughter-in-law’s job to compensate for five grown children dropping the ball.
Suggest a nice family dinner reservation or a thoughtful mother-in-law/daughter-in-law outing? Totally kind. Planning the whole shebang because hubby can’t be bothered? Hard pass.
Check out how the community responded:
Some people say the husband is the real asshole for expecting OP to plan his own mother’s party
Some people insist it is the responsibility of MIL’s own children, not the daughter-in-law
Some people say the husband should take the lead and coordinate with his siblings
Some people warn that agreeing now would make OP the permanent family party planner
At the end of the day, wanting MIL to feel celebrated is sweet, but expecting your spouse to carry the entire emotional load for your family is a recipe for resentment soup.
Would a compromise, like a low-key dinner or a joint sibling effort, have been the grown-up move, or is the wife 100% right to draw a hard boundary? How would you handle being volunteered as tribute for your in-laws’ parties? Drop your thoughts below!
