Is She Wrong for Choosing Her New Boyfriend Over Her Friend’s Mental Health?

A romantic holiday fling turned into a full-blown ethical and social catastrophe after a woman discovered her new, amazing boyfriend was her best friend’s long-sought-after therapist.

The discovery immediately shattered the close-knit friend group. The friend, Susan, felt betrayed and demanded the woman dump the man who held all her deepest secrets.

When the woman refused, Susan’s mental health spiraled, leading the entire friend group to turn on the OP, accusing her of risking Susan’s life for a “holiday fling.”

Now, read the full story:

This situation is a perfect storm of bad timing, ethical gray areas, and emotional manipulation. While the OP and her boyfriend were genuinely unaware of the connection, the moment they found out, the boyfriend was immediately placed in an ethically precarious position.

The core conflict is that the OP is prioritizing a new, intense romance over a long-standing friendship with someone who is mentally vulnerable. While Susan’s demands are unfair and manipulative, her core fear is valid: how can she trust her therapist when he is intimately involved with someone in her tight social circle?

The therapist did the right thing by recusing himself, but the damage was already done. Susan’s subsequent downward spiral, while heartbreaking, is a result of her own choices, not the OP’s relationship status. However, the OP must confront the reality that she has chosen a man over her entire support system.

The therapist’s actions, particularly after the connection was revealed, are highly scrutinized in the mental health community. While the OP clarifies that the couple did not break US-based HIPAA laws, the concept of “dual relationships” is universally problematic in therapy.

A dual relationship occurs when a therapist has a second, non-professional relationship with a client (or, in this case, a client’s immediate circle). According to the American Psychological Association (APA) Ethics Code, therapists must avoid dual relationships if they could impair professional judgment or risk exploitation.

Even if the therapist is legally cleared, the ethical implications of dating a client’s friend are severe. Dr. Keely Kolmes, a licensed psychologist, notes that such relationships erode the necessary trust required for effective therapy. “The client must feel completely safe that their private life will not become dinner party gossip,” she states. “When a therapist dates someone in the client’s social sphere, that trust is immediately compromised, regardless of confidentiality pledges.” 

The OP’s boyfriend correctly ended the professional relationship, but the damage to Susan’s ability to trust any therapist is substantial. Furthermore, the boyfriend’s decision to discuss Susan’s “harassment” with the OP, even after consulting a regulator, is still a major breach of professional discretion, regardless of local laws. It confirms Susan’s fear that her private issues would leak into the OP’s life.

Ultimately, the OP is not responsible for Susan’s relapse, but she is responsible for the choice she made: prioritizing a new, intense relationship over the comfort and stability of a vulnerable friend.

Check out how the community responded:

The majority of the community felt the OP was wrong, or at least naive, for not understanding the severity of the ethical conflict and the damage it would cause.

A few commenters focused on the fact that the therapeutic relationship was already ruined, so breaking up now would be pointless.

The ethical implications of the therapist discussing the client with the OP were a major point of contention.

The OP is in an impossible situation, forced to choose between a new love and a lifelong friendship. While Susan’s emotional blackmail is manipulative, the OP must accept that her choice has consequences for her entire social circle. The relationship with the therapist, however innocent in its beginning, has irrevocably damaged Susan’s trust and recovery process.

Is the OP risking her friend’s life, or is Susan responsible for her own mental health choices?