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Man Agreed To Pay For The Wedding Until The Bride Made One Ugly Comment

by Leona Pham
December 14, 2025
in Social Issues

Family dinners are supposed to be simple. Food arrives, people talk over each other, and small jokes get tossed around the table. But sometimes, one offhand comment can expose deeper tensions that have been quietly building for years. When beliefs, identity, and loyalty collide in the same room, even a casual moment can suddenly feel loaded.

In this story, the original poster is a parent trying to navigate a complicated family dynamic involving siblings, a future in-law, and a long-standing promise. What started as light teasing quickly turned uncomfortable, raising questions about respect and acceptance within the family.

Faced with repeated remarks that crossed a line, the parent made a decision that shocked everyone involved. Now, they are left wondering whether protecting one child came at too high a cost. Scroll down to see how this situation unfolded and why the internet is deeply divided.

A father questions a wedding promise after a tense dinner exposes conflict over his son

Man Agreed To Pay For The Wedding Until The Bride Made One Ugly Comment
Not the actual photo

'AITA for not paying for the wedding despite promising that I will?'

One of my sons Kai(21M) is gay. He is not officially out but everyone knows he is gay. It's just so obvious.

He also has a boyfriend that he claims is "just a friend" but we know the truth.

Last night all of the kids were visiting. We decided to order dinner and my daughter(17) was responsible for ordering food for everyone.

I guess she thought it would be funny to order burgers for everyone but order a hot dog for Kai.

She told him that "I figured you'd like this better" you know teasing him like siblings do. One of my other sons has a fiance Nora(29).

After my daughter said that to Kai Nora made a face as if she was disgusted by the thought of my son being gay and told my daughter

"don't joke about that it's not funny" this hasn't been the first time that Nora has said something like this about Kai.

She is a firm believer that Kai is straight. She is religious so I don't think I need to explain how she feels about gay people.

Here is why I might be an a__hole. Years ago I promised my son(Nora's fiance) that I will pay for their wedding but I don't want to do it.

I have a gay son and I don't want someone who is against it to be a part of our family so I told them that I have changed my...

As a matter of fact if she ever says something that slightly offends Kai I won't even attend their wedding.

They think I'm an a__hole and I'm overreacting

There is a quiet kind of pain that comes from watching someone you love be subtly invalidated, especially when it happens in familiar spaces like a family dinner. Many parents recognize this feeling instantly.

It is the moment when protecting your child stops being theoretical and becomes a real, emotional decision. At that point, choices are no longer about etiquette or tradition but about safety, dignity, and what kind of family environment you are willing to tolerate.

In this situation, the parent was not simply backing out of a financial promise. They were responding to a pattern of behavior that made one child feel erased while others looked away. The discomfort did not stem from a single comment but from repeated denial of a son’s identity and a future in-law’s refusal to respect it.

For the parent, continuing to fund the wedding may have felt like silently endorsing that harm. Emotionally, this was a clash between keeping the peace and drawing a boundary to protect someone vulnerable.

While many readers focus on the broken promise, there is another perspective worth considering. Parents often feel a heightened sense of responsibility toward children who face social stigma.

Research consistently shows that LGBTQ+ individuals experience increased stress when family environments are dismissive or invalidating, even if the rejection is subtle.

From this lens, the parent’s reaction is less about punishment and more about prevention. What looks like an overreaction to some may feel, to others, like stepping in before long-term emotional damage becomes normalized.

Psychological research helps explain this response. According to a Psychology Today article on why setting family boundaries can feel so emotionally triggering, psychologist Dr. Monica Vilhauer explains that boundaries are not meant to control others but to protect one’s core values and emotional safety.

When boundaries are crossed repeatedly, continuing to comply can lead to resentment, guilt, and emotional harm.

Another Psychology Today article on parental support and LGBTQ+ mental health highlights that family acceptance is one of the strongest protective factors for queer young adults. Persistent denial or rejection, even when framed as belief or concern, can significantly increase stress, anxiety, and feelings of isolation.

These insights help clarify why the parent’s decision escalated quickly. Once harm becomes predictable rather than accidental, tolerance can start to feel like complicity. Withdrawing financial and emotional support was a way to realign actions with values, signaling that respect is not optional.

A realistic takeaway is that promises tied to major life events cannot exist separately from behavior. Protecting emotional safety sometimes requires uncomfortable consequences.

Families do not become healthier by avoiding conflict, but by making it clear that dignity and respect are the minimum cost of belonging.

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

These Redditors asked for proof Nora’s homophobic and wondered if she defended Kai

PeachState1 − Inf o: do you know for sure she meant that as a "don't joke about it because I don't even like the idea of gay people?

" Because I could also just see her thinking the joke is in poor taste because he isn't out yet and maybe she finds it rude to keep pushing him...

I guess, do you have other examples of her being h__ophobic? Or is she just taking Kai at face value when he says he's straight to respect his boundaries?

Edit based on comments: You're NTA for not wanting to pay for their wedding, as it does seem based on your comments that she actually is h__ophobic.

I will say, I'm not a huge fan of how your family is handling the Kai situation.

You should definitely make sure he knows you love him not matter what, but it does seem like he just doesn't want to discuss his sexuality with any of you.

I think you all need to back off a bit and stop making jokes about what you think his sexuality is, as it seems he's really not interested in having...

AliceInWeirdoland − INFO: As a matter of fact if she ever says something that slightly offends Kai I won't even attend their wedding.

So has she ever actually said something h__ophobic to or about Kai? Nothing to slightly offend him?

Because if not, that means you're just assuming that she's h__ophobic because she's religious, so you 'don't need to explain how she feels about gay people'

but you don't seem to be able to point to an actual example of her being h__ophobic or indicating that she's opposed to same-s__ relationships.

Because frankly, the whole 'we all know he's gay' thing is pretty tired.

Maybe he is, and he doesn't want to come out to you guys, but maybe he isn't, and either way, he is probably sick of you all bullying him about...

Because that's what it is, bullying. His sister messed up his dinner order intentionally (which is a rude thing to do on its own) to make a joke about him...

BTW, I'm a bi woman, and when I started dating guys, literally no one ever made a joke about how I must be a 'hot dog connoisseur,' so consider

why someone would think it's acceptable to say to an allegedly gay man.

Maybe you've got the right read on things, and Nora's a bigot and your son is in the closet.

But have you considered the fact that Nora's the only person who's saying that it's not okay for you guys to tease Kai about his sexuality, and that

it might be because she's the only person who's respecting that he hasn't come out to you, indicating that he doesn't want it to be a topic of family conversation?

I'm leaving my judgement at INFO right now, because maybe you're going to come in and tell me that she's gone on long tirades about

how gay people will burn in hell or whatever in the past, but honestly, even putting aside the Nora of it all, treating your daughter's

unkind actions as simple 'teasing' and not telling her to knock it off/checking to make sure Kai is okay still is leaning into AH territory.

oceanco1122 − Maybe “don’t joke about that it’s not funny” was not meant as h__ophobic, maybe

she was saying it’s not funny to poke fun at people for being gay? Could she have been standing up for him?

AcanthisittaNo9122 − NTA if you absolutely sure that Nora is h__ophobic. She could also meant as in, don’t throw gay joke on Kai cause he might not find it funny.

But just for this one time, you need to take more into account before making the decision. She is religious so, she could really be h__ophobic.

Maybe you could discreetly talk to your son and voice your concern about Nora disliking Kai for being gay, just don’t mention that you won’t pay for the wedding yet...

These commenters backed consequences for homophobia but questioned timing and Kai’s feelings

ourladyPattyMeltdown − Edited to add my judgement. It's a qualified NTA. You have the prerogative to pay or not to pay for whatever you'd like.

So, strictly for not paying, and learning background about Nora through your comments, it does seem that she was being a homophobe, and you decided you'd had enough.

The qualification comes from my honest bafflement about how it got to this point.

BUT you say in a comment that Kai is thrilled that you're not paying for the wedding, so I suppose my bewilderment doesn't really matter in the grand scheme of...

Kai feels supported, and an avowed homophobe is facing some consequences. Unfortunately, it seems like she isn't going anywhere.

INFO: You mention that you promised "years ago" that you'd pay for their wedding.

(Edited) Did you make this promise to your son before he was with Nora? Or once they were together?

If you did once he was with Nora . When did Nora begin displaying her homophobia? Is this a relatively new thing

(e. g.in the last 2 months she converted to a very socially conservative religion, or she went down a bad Reddit hole), or has she always held those beliefs and...

If it's the former, then I can see why you'd react strongly: suddenly she's treating your son badly after accepting him for at least 2 years.

If it's the latter: what about this specific situation was the catalyst for your reaction? Has no one said anything to her before this?

If everyone knows she's h__ophobic, why has her behavior gone on this long?

How does her fiance your son feel about how she treats his brother? Does he go along with it? Does he call her out?

Professional-Bowl-37 − Did Kai find you pulling out from funding the wedding as an overreaction?

These Reddit users roasted the family for bullying Kai and treating outing jokes as norma

VeronicaSawyer8 − ESH (except Kai). You for "It's just so obvious"; your 17 yo daughter for "I figured you'd like this better" , and Nora for being Nora.

Appropriate-Access88 − I also would have said “ knock off the gay jokes” to the sister buying the hotdog, and make her eat the weiner as she bought it.

Mabelisms − That wasn’t a funny joke. Your daughter was being a bully.

Sorry_I_Guess − ESH You're acting like Nora's the AH here for being openly h__ophobic.

Meanwhile you're being lowkey h__ophobic with your "we all know he's gay" even though your son has very clearly made the decision

NOT to come out to you, indicating that he either isn't gay and is just effeminate (in which case you're just a flat-out homophobe),

or that he doesn't feel ready or safe to do so with you (which also says something about YOU and your behaviour, not him) .

and on top of it all, your teenaged daughter is openly taunting him with gay jokes (and no, that's not just "what siblings do")

and regularly trying to out him, and you're not doing a damn thing about it.

Assuming that Nora is actually h__ophobic, and not just deeply uncomfortable with you allowing openly h__ophobic b__lshit at your dinner table

(which as another commenter noted, plenty of us would be), literally everyone in this conflict sucks. Poor Kai. Do better.

These commenters called OP out for assumptions, stereotyping religion, and escalating too fast

[Reddit User] − I’m gay, and the way that Nora phrased it just by reading the post did not immediately strike me as h__ophobic.

You could easily say the exact same thing and mean it as “I don’t want to joke about gay people because JOKING about it is wrong”

but then again, I wasn’t there and don’t know how exactly Nora said it(tone, etc) so idk.

EDIT: NTA after reading other comments about Nora.

[Reddit User] − Are you sure she doesn’t like gay people? She may have just not likes the joke. I don’t really like the joke either tbh

morgaine125 − YTA. You don’t know that Kai is gay. You say have suspicions, but unless and until he comes out to you, you do not know he is gay.

And even if he is, he apparently is not yet comfortable coming out to you, so letting your daughter make jokes about it to Kai is really inappropriate.

Also, based on what you shared here, you don’t actually know that Nora would have an issue with Kai being gay.

Not all religious people have a problem with homosexuality. Perhaps she was reacting to the fact that your daughter’s teasing isn’t appropriate.

And perhaps she is taking the position that, unless and until Kai comes out, she is not going to speculate and invade his privacy.

Odd_Measurement3643 − YTA You're escalating the situation so much without really clear or strong foundations.

Going back on a promise to pay for a wedding and effectively telling your son you don't want his chosen partner in your family is a great

way to never speak to either of them again after a few years. Is that really what you want?

If Nora was openly h__ophobic, directly spewing hate speech at your son, and had tensions with others, sure, I could see being firm.

Feel free to correct me, but right now you've only pointed out three pretty poor reasons:

1. She didn't like a frankly lazy s__ual joke your 16yo daughter made while ordering food. A lot of people wouldn't appreciate that.

2. She's religious and "we know what that means. " We don't, actually. Religious people aren't a monolith.

There are some hateful ones to the LGBTQ+ community, yes, but there are also some who deeply care about and respect the community.

3. She seems to think he's straight. Ok? He hasn't come out yet, so nothing's really official.

Not exactly a bad look to try your best not to assume about someone.

Especially as someone not actually in the family yet and probably not as close to Kai, I don't think it's unreasonable for her to either be hesitant pre-out assuming he's...

As a matter of fact if she ever says something that slightly offends Kai I won't even attend their wedding. This line right here is what sank it for me.

It seems almost like you're just itching for an excuse to not go. As a parent, you should be trying to connect and compromise with kids, not driving them away.

How does Kai feel about all this? It's his opinion that actually matters, not yours.

This commenter fixated on the hotdog swap and called it plain disrespectful

outofnowhereman − So the dude got a s__t ass’d hotdog instead of a burger? I’d be super pissed

This story puts money, morality, and family loyalty on a collision course. OP thought paying for the wedding was a given until a future in-law repeatedly showed contempt toward his gay son.

To some readers, pulling funding is a necessary line in the sand to protect Kai; to others, it’s an unfair punishment that changes the rules mid-game.

Is OP standing up for his child in the only language that gets heard or using financial leverage to control his son’s marriage choices? Where would you draw the line when values clash at home? Share your hot takes below!

Leona Pham

Leona Pham

Hi, I'm Leona. I'm a writer for Daily Highlight and have had my work published in a variety of other media outlets. I'm also a New York-based author, and am always interested in new opportunities to share my work with the world. When I'm not writing, I enjoy spending time with my family and friends. Thanks for reading!

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