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Man Considers Divorce After Wife Refuses To Move On From Inability To Have Children

by Annie Nguyen
April 14, 2026
in Social Issues

Sometimes, love isn’t enough to keep a relationship from falling apart. For one man, the devastating news that his wife can’t have children has led to months of grief, and he’s now wondering if their marriage can survive.

Despite his unwavering support, his wife hasn’t moved past the heartbreak, choosing instead to stay in bed, crying and isolating herself from everything around her.

He’s tried everything from suggesting therapy to offering a new home or even a puppy, but nothing seems to help. Now, he’s at a breaking point, considering whether divorce is the only option left. Scroll down to see how he’s coping with this emotional challenge and whether he can find a way to move forward, either with or without his wife.

After 7 months of grief, a man struggles with his wife’s denial and considers divorce

Man Considers Divorce After Wife Refuses To Move On From Inability To Have Children
not the actual photo

'It has been 7 months since we learned that my wife (34F) can’t have kids and she still has not “gotten over” it. I (35M) am seriously considering a divorce.'

Title may seem harsh so I apologize. Also using a throwaway because my friends know my real account.

Bit of background info about my wife: She’s an only child and had a rather lonely childhood.

So to her, having kids and watching them grow up together is an important issue for her, if not the single most important issue.

To make a long story short, 7 months ago we learned that my wife is incapable of having children.

Of course both of us were devastated and she ended up leaving her job. For the first month after learning this terrible news,

all she did was cry and watch Netflix in bed. I brought her meals in bed, started working from home,

and gave her my full support because it was the least I could do.

But now it’s 7 months later and she’s still crying and watching Netflix in bed all day.

I ask her every day if she needs anything but all I get in response is variations on either “leave me alone” or “some peace and quiet”.

Virtually the only times she gets out of bed are when she fixes herself some snacks, uses the bathroom, or takes a shower.

I do all the cooking, cleaning, and laundry. I’ve suggested many things to help her recover, including but not limited to:

1. Therapy. She said that all therapists spew BS back at you.

2. Adoption or using a surrogate. She shot down both saying that it just didn’t feel right to her.

3. Moving to her parents’ city. She said moving 100 miles was too much stress.

4. Buying a corgi puppy (corgis are her favorite). She snapped at me saying that a puppy is no substitute for a real human child.

5. Taking her on a weeklong trip to anywhere she chooses. Again, she said that’s too much stress.

Earlier tonight I had a talk with my wife. I told her that our relationship is just not sustainable if she continues to act this way and that she needs...

She said that she’s fine and called me an a__hole for suggesting that she get help.

Don’t get me wrong, I love my wife with all my heart. I’m doing my best to help her, but she is refusing that help and in total denial.

I know that she'll be devastated if we get a divorce but honestly I cannot bear living like this for much longer. What do (or can) I do?

HAPPY UPDATE: Hi all. First off, I want to apologize for not responding to every single post reply or PM.

I am genuinely touched by the sheer amount of support I received

and I spent quite a few hours crying my eyes out as I read your messages and well wishes.

The night after I wrote my original post, I wrote my wife a short letter (thank you /u/Witchy_Woman420 for the idea) that went something like this:.​..

“Dear [Wife’s name],

I love you more than you can imagine and the most I want in this world is for you to be happy.

I understand that as a man I probably have no idea how intense the pain that you are feeling is.

I’m doing my best to help you but the fact that you won’t help yourself is taking a toll on our marriage.

I honestly cannot continue living like this for much longer and our marriage is in jeopardy if you don’t make an effort to get better.

However, I want to get over this bump together and start working in the right direction together. I’m ready to talk whenever you are.

With all my love,

[My name]”. ​

I put the letter on top of her laptop and went to bed.

The next morning (March 16th), I woke up a bit earlier than usual to fix her a double helping of her favorite breakfast:

blueberry pancakes, bacon, scrambled eggs, and fresh squeezed OJ.

When I walked into the bedroom with her food, I saw her reading my letter.

When she saw me, she put the letter down, got out of bed, threw herself into my arms, and started crying. Full on, Niagara Falls level crying.

I hugged her tighter, told her “I love you so, so, much”, and started crying too.

I honestly don’t know how long we stood there hugging each other and crying.

It could’ve been 10 minutes, it could’ve been an hour, I didn’t care. When she stopped crying, she promised me that she would go to therapy.

Reddit, you guys don’t know how thrilled and proud I was when I heard those words.

She then asked me if we could go on a trip to Japan because in her words “I really need to leave this f__king house for once and get some...

I was so f__king proud of her when she took the initiative in planning our trip.

She’s always been a methodical, organized person and as she booked the flights and hotels

I saw in her eyes the same spark that made me fall in love with her 8 years ago.

We just finished packing for the trip and she fell asleep with the faintest of smiles on her face not too long ago.

We have a 5AM Uber to catch, a trip to enjoy, and both therapy and dog-shopping sessions lined up when we return.

We’re not quite out of the tunnel yet, but we can see the light at the end.

EDIT: I'm going to bed. Thank you to everyone who followed my story and offered their well wishes.

Infertility is not just a medical diagnosis, it often represents a deep emotional loss, the loss of a future someone imagined, planned for, and emotionally invested in.

When a person learns they can’t have children, it can trigger a grief response just as intense as mourning a person’s death because it involves the disappearance of a long‑held dream and a foundational part of someone’s identity.

This reaction is sometimes called disenfranchised grief, meaning the loss isn’t always socially acknowledged or validated, leaving the person feeling isolated and “stuck” in their pain.

Psychological research confirms that infertility can take a serious toll on mental health. People facing infertility commonly experience emotional distress, anxiety, depression, and a profound sense of loss; these responses are similar to grief reactions seen after bereavement.

The emotional pain can linger, especially when the grief is not openly discussed or supported, because the person is grieving something that never actually existed but was deeply desired.

Infertility can also strain relationships in ways that aren’t immediately obvious. Stress related to fertility challenges often shifts couples into a kind of “survival mode,” where conversations become transactional, emotional connection weakens, and partners may unintentionally withdraw from one another.

This isn’t a lack of love, it’s a stress response to ongoing disappointment and uncertainty that can erode closeness over time.

The impact of infertility goes deeper than sadness, it can touch self‑esteem, identity, social connection, and meaning in life. Some studies show that individuals with infertility can feel a strong sense of identity loss because parenthood was central to how they saw themselves and their future.

They may also face societal triggers, such as seeing others’ pregnancies or hearing comments about children, that reopen the sense of loss again and again, making it hard to move forward.

A 2025 review of research on infertility’s psychological effects highlights just how profound and long‑lasting these emotional reactions can be, with higher rates of distress when support is lacking and when grief is not acknowledged.

Another body of evidence emphasizes that psychological interventions, like individual or couple therapy, have beneficial effects on reducing distress, anxiety, and depressive symptoms, and can help improve relationship functioning.

Importantly, prolonged grief isn’t a personal failure or a sign that someone is “not trying hard enough.” It reflects how woundingly personal and meaningful the desire for children can be, especially when parenthood was core to someone’s life story.

Support from a therapist experienced in fertility‑related grief can help someone learn to reframe loss, process the pain, and rebuild a sense of identity that incorporates this change rather than being defined by it.

Recognizing the emotional complexity of infertility, as both an individual and a shared experience, can help couples feel less isolated and more understood. When partners approach this grief together, with open communication and professional support, it can sometimes strengthen the relationship rather than weaken it.

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

These commenters recommended supporting the wife through her depression and suggesting therapy as a means to heal

wowucanreallydance − Sit her down and tell her everything you said in that last paragraph.

[Reddit User] − Your last ditch effort should be to push her into therapy. Not couples counseling. Therapy.

She is suffering and she needs professional help. That news was so devestating that it bombed her right into a deep depression.

Maybe consider (instead of having the hard talk tomorrow) that YOU make an appointment with a therapist first thing tomorrow morning,

getting in as soon as you can and talk to them about this for your own mental health.

Divorce is ugly and expensive and you still love this woman. A therapist, in comparison, is cheap.

They can help you navigate this major bump in the road in you and your wife's life. You have time so don't rush this divorce decision.

You love her and haven't sought out the most obvious channel for helping someone that needs a mental health professional.

When you are searching tonight or tomorrow morning you can look for a couples therapist and just go by yourself.

That's totally normal and reasonable. They can help guide you and help you feel better about the awful things that you are having to deal with too.

Take your time with your relationship. Hurry up with the outside help though.

Witchy_Woman420 − This is a very hard situation and I'm so sorry you're going through this.

Being a aspiring parent myself, I absolutely sympathize for you and your wife.

But at the same time, she sounds severely depressed, and the fact that she refuses to seek help and snaps at you

for trying to help her is unacceptable and after so long of this, I can totally understand where you're coming from.

You have listed some great suggestions, and you're doing a great job. May I suggest writing her a letter?

Sometimes writing a letter is a much better option when the subject is difficult or you dont get a positive response during a conversation.

I would be 100% honest, letting her know you love and support her, but you feel the distance and it's taking a toll on your marriage.

Let her know that your marriage will be in jeopardy if she doesn't put in the effort to get better.

I would add that you would rather get through this together and not be forced to separate, leave the ball in her court.

Hand her the letter, then say "I'm ready to talk whenever you are" and leave the room.

She will probably be upset, but you can't go through life like this. Feel free to hit me up if youd like to talk more about this

This group encouraged reaching out to the wife’s family or trusted friends for support, as they may be able to help her through her grief

sideoats_gramma − Have you talked to her mom? Or maybe a really good friend of hers?

She is in a bad place and it doesn’t look like you can reach her, but maybe mom or good friend can. ..

Hydlee − Is she on social media at all? Sometimes that can either help or hinder this type of situation. 2 years ago I (f32) almost died.

To not die, I had to have a total abdominal hysterectomy with a bilateral salpingo-oophorectomy (they took ALL my girly parts)

I would be flat out lying if I said I didnt spiral into a vortex of the deepest, darkest depression imaginable.

It lasted for 6 months. Spirits bless my husband (m43)for all he's had to put up with.

To this day, the whole experience made me extremely agoraphobic. I havent left my house more than 6 times in as many months.

Totally ok, not looking for pity. Just explaining my experience to maybe help you understand her.

There is this deep down part of some women who completely lose their womanhood when they lose their ability to have kids.

She feels utterly worthless.

Heck, I never even wanted kids until the ability to have one was suddenly (quite literally) taken away. Does her mom still live?

Does she have sisters? Anyone she could talk to other than you.

I'm not saying that you're not supportive or anything but maybe she needs to talk to someone with the same experiences.

That said (and this is coming from way left field here) I used to do this awful, stupid thing called cutting.

Where I would havk away at myself with blades when I was I a dark mental place.

The only way i was able to stop was because my husband flat out said "If you dont knock it off we are done."

Sometimes someone needs a swift kick in the rear to "get it".

I'm just not sure if she is emotionally ok with it or if she would do harm to herself if left with an ultimatum.

I think if I were you I'd tell her to go to therapy or risk a divorce rather than change your ways or we are getting a divorce. Orrrrrr.

Tell her you would like to go to therapy for yourself and would like her to go too. I understand that's manipulative but again, swift kick.

I wish you all the luck in the world. I hope everything goes well.

And if she does choose to talk to someone make sure to show her how appreciative of it you are.

DarkElla30 − This sounds like a major depressive episode.

A lot of people say you need to stick with an ill spouse no matter how bad it gets or you've abandoned them at the 'for worse' stage of the...

But, we also can't be held hostage to a partner that is stuck long term with no interest in getting help.

That said, I think you're kind of clueless here.

She's processing a huge amount of loss, years of expectations of a happy nuclear family and growing old with grandchildren.

She's not thinking logically, and not able to 'get over' it. Offering her puppies or trips or solutions probably doesn't feel good to her.

And while your suggestions are great - being closer to family, finding ways to be close by traveling or raising puppies together -

she can sense that you're trying to 'fix' things and get on with life.

She's not ready to put on a happy face for you. I agree she's probably not fine. Why not try this?

Tell her you're needing help processing how sad she is over this devastating news and to find ways to help each other through this tough time.

Ask her to look at two therapist profiles you've found and see if either look good.

Ask if she'd come in her pajamas or however she can, just so you have some support.

If not, go a few times on your own. If nothing else, therapy might help you decide your next steps with more clarity. Good luck!

Edit: Gosh this sounds harsh on re-read, but genuinely I couldn't change a thing.

Depression is so hard on everyone. Losing all your dream bio children and then your partner would suck though.

I don't think the situation is impossible, but you'll both need to dig deep, if you both can find it in yourselves. Best wishes.

These commenters recognized the wife’s suffering but urged the user to set boundaries

sold_myfortune − She sounds clinically depressed. It happens.

Regular grieving and sadness is a month or two, but seven months in bed sounds very possibly like clinical depression.

She told you that she's fine, but clearly she isn't. In a non-angry, supportive way you need to list the ways that things are not normal and fine.

She seriously might need medication and/or counseling to help snap out of it.

It doesn't necessarily have to be a therapist, it could be a support group of people that have gone through the same thing

so she knows they understand. Whatever. She needs help. Get her the help she needs. You're the lifeguard here.

What if she'd been hit by a car and it took her a year or even longer to recover? Would you leave her?

There is life and hope after depression. All of these people dealt with it and are/were very successful, but they dealt with it:

https://genesight.com/5-famous-people-you-didnt-know-with-depression/

ShinyRedBarb − She’s just lost her main source of motivation in life.

She’s waited 34 years to become a mother only to find out her dreams will never come true.

You need to tell her, you need to fully empathize with her to understand why she’s feeling the way she is. And then go from there.

Build her back up because she took one hell of a fall. I’d be f__king devastated.

Just hang in there for both of you. Push her to do little things. No pun intended but, baby steps.

donutknow57 − When I read your title, I thought "he's an a__hole."

I thought that because so many people think anyone struggling with one of life's devastating blows should "get over it."

I thought you were being an insensitive jerk.

After reading your post, I think you're the kind of husband anyone would want to have in circumstances like these.

Everything you suggested are things she needs to hear.

She's not receptive to them because she is still dealing with the grief of not being able to have a child. You ask what your next step is.

To me, it would be completely okay to give her an if/then scenario. "If you don't at least start trying to overcome this, then I will leave."

I would assure her that your support for her will continue through her working through this devastating blow.

Tell her that even if the step isn't the "right" change, it would at least be a step.

She needs to do something to make a move from the pit of her despair. It seems harsh to say you will leave, but you've been anything but.

You have a life to live too. Sometimes the things life throws at us show what people's true colors are.

These commenters offered alternative solutions, such as fostering or adopting children, and acknowledged that the process of accepting infertility can be long and painful

 

The_new_Char − Your wife is suffering immensely. Now isn’t the time to discuss options like IVF, adoption, surrogacy, or fostering.

She’s not there yet, and none of those options will solve her grief. Do her parents know how badly she’s doing?

Is it possible for you to reach out to them for support? Your wife has a serious illness and needs help and support.

I’d seriously consider hospitalization to help get her stabilized to the point that she can begin to try to work through this.

Good luck to you. And yes, therapy for you is a great idea.

notsopumpkin − We decided to foster children when we found out that we couldn't have kids.

We now have 3 wonderful boys (13, 12 & 5) that we provide a home for, and have for 12 years.

There are plenty of kids out their that need loving parents and can't have it provided by their biological families and a bond,

which I believe is as deep as a biological parent has builds over time.

Whether adoption or foster care, hopefully she can see something like this as an option for the two of you in the future.

For the record, it took my wife around 5 years to fully face up to never having our own children.

I think the process is more painful for a female, because of the 9 months they would carry the child.

BookPherq − This is my second response. I deleted my first after reading more of your comments to other Redditors.

Sometimes I'm quick to type. Sorry for that. I was someone else's wife in the bed.

I was shattered after being diagnosed with Parkinson's and Essential tremor at age 40.

I saved myself after about 3 months. I too had answers for everything asked of me.

"Why bother? " was my thought about everything. A lot of what my husband said during that time got absorbed by my darkness.

I really feel that you should tell on her. Tell her parents. Her closest friends.

100 miles isn't that far, maybe her parents can come and keep the focus on her, not children. If they can't travel, video chat.

Also what might have helped during that time is my husband being vulnerable with me.

(He's just now talking about what my diagnosis has done to him, nearly 3 years later)

He's always the strong, Mr. Fix it, I've got a plan kind of man. You're not only experiencing loss of your future kids, (maybe) but also a very sick wife.

When you feel o__rwhelmed by it all, show her. Show her the toll it's taking on you. Not angry ultimatums, but grief.

The few times my husband has done an honest to goodness cry with me were relationship changers, for the better.

My heart goes out to you both, OP. Please update us.

 

while the husband’s efforts to support his wife are commendable, the situation is clearly taking a toll on their marriage. Should he continue to support her through her depression, or is it time to prioritize his own mental health and move on?

The road ahead is uncertain, but one thing is clear: both partners need help to navigate this difficult chapter. Will they find a way back to each other, or is it time for them to part ways? Share your thoughts below!

Annie Nguyen

Annie Nguyen

Hi, I'm Annie Nguyen. I'm a freelance writer and editor for Daily Highlight with experience across lifestyle, wellness, and personal growth publications. Living in San Francisco gives me endless inspiration, from cozy coffee shop corners to weekend hikes along the coast. Thanks for reading!

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