A man’s dreams of marriage and kids shattered when his girlfriend revealed a long-held childhood promise to carry a baby for her sister if fertility issues arose, right in the midst of their future together.
His gut punched with shock, he argued the massive toll: health dangers, emotional chaos, and how it hijacked their shared life without his voice. She stood firm with “My body, my choice,” only for him to fire back that he could choose to walk away from a future that didn’t align.
A Reddit couple debates a surrogacy promise, revealing deep incompatibilities.
This Redditor’s situation highlights how personal promises can collide head-on with partnership expectations, leaving both sides feeling misunderstood.
On one hand, the girlfriend’s stance stems from deep sisterly loyalty: a childhood vow to help if her sibling faces fertility challenges (possibly from a known condition). It’s heartfelt, rooted in empathy for family struggles.
On the other, the Redditor sees it as a unilateral decision imposing massive changes: nine months of pregnancy, potential health risks, emotional strain, and shifted family plans, all without his input. His response wasn’t about control but reciprocity. If her body allows independent choices, his life choices include walking away from incompatibility.
This mirrors broader relationship dynamics where individual autonomy meets shared commitments. Surrogacy, while generous, isn’t a light undertaking. It affects the entire household. Experts emphasize open dialogue early, as decisions like this ripple through marriages.
Recent research underscores the physical stakes: A large Canadian study found gestational surrogacy pregnancies carry higher risks of severe complications (7.8%) compared to natural conceptions (2.3%) or IVF (4.3%), including postpartum hemorrhage, severe pre-eclampsia, and preterm birth.
Maria P. Velez, an adjunct scientist with the Institute for Clinical Evaluative Services in Kingston, Ontario, noted: “Clinicians involved in the care of individuals and couples who need a gestational carrier to build their family should counsel their patients and the gestational carriers about the potential risk during pregnancy and early postpartum.”
This relevance? It validates concerns over health dangers, beyond just time commitment. Pregnancy can involve life-altering issues everyone in the relationship should weigh together.
Surrogacy professionals stress partner involvement for harmony. From American Surrogacy: “Your spouse is your partner in life. In a healthy relationship, your life decisions aren’t just determined by you – but by your partner, as well. Embarking on a surrogacy journey is no different.”
Neutral ground here: Both have valid feelings. She’s entitled to her body and values, he’s entitled to a future aligning with his. Solutions? Premarital counseling to unpack motivations, explore compromises like non-surrogacy help for the sister, or recognize fundamental mismatch. If values clash this hard pre-marriage, pausing to reassess protects everyone.
Here’s the comments of Reddit users:
Some people advise breaking up due to fundamental incompatibility over the surrogacy decision.
Some people emphasize “her body, her choice” while acknowledging OP’s right to leave the relationship.
Some people share personal stories or examples of handling surrogacy discussions in relationships.
Some people question aspects of the situation or OP’s phrasing, suggesting it’s a potential dealbreaker.
This Redditor’s clash boils down to timeless tensions: loyalty to family versus building a new one together. His “my choice too” retort spotlights how autonomy cuts both ways in relationships.
Do you think sticking to a childhood promise trumps discussing it with a future spouse, or was her approach too absolute? How would you navigate if a partner’s old vow reshaped your shared plans? Drop your thoughts, we’re all ears!
