Body shaming, even if disguised as a “preference,” can take a toll on self-esteem. Our original poster is finding herself increasingly uncomfortable in her relationship after her boyfriend repeatedly comments on her body, specifically about her butt size.
Even after voicing her discomfort, he continues to bring it up, leading her to make a pointed comparison about his own insecurities. But when she tries to highlight the impact of his comments, it backfires.
Keep reading to find out how this issue escalates and if she’s in the wrong for addressing it in this way!
Woman’s boyfriend frequently criticizes her body size so she compares it to his insecurities
In this situation, it seems OP is trying to express their feelings of discomfort in a constructive way, but the way it was framed might have been misinterpreted.
It’s understandable that OP feels frustrated with the constant comments about their body, especially when they’ve expressed they are happy with it the way it is.
Everyone has insecurities, and when those insecurities are brought up repeatedly by a partner, it can be hurtful, especially when it feels like they are being compared or judged for something they can’t easily change.
OP seems to be trying to get their partner to understand their perspective by giving a parallel example, which is a common approach in relationships.
Using the comparison of his size and her body might have seemed like a way to draw attention to how personal and sensitive the issue is.
By making this comparison, OP is likely trying to highlight how uncomfortable it feels when constant comments are made about something they have no desire to change, just like how her partner might feel about his body insecurities.
However, it’s important to note that this approach could come across as insensitive, as it directly touches on his insecurities regarding his size.
While OP’s intention may have been to help him see how constant comments about body image can be hurtful, bringing up his size might have made him feel attacked or judged, which is why he responded defensively.
It’s essential to approach sensitive topics with care, especially when discussing something as personal as physical appearance.
The partner’s reaction to OP’s comment can be understood from the standpoint of how different body image concerns can feel for each person.
While OP is expressing discomfort with comments about their body, the partner may view body image concerns differently because, as he said, “he can’t change how long his d**k is.”
This suggests he feels powerless about changing something he perceives as a fixed part of his identity.
He may feel more vulnerable about this comparison because his size is not something he can alter, and hearing it brought up repeatedly might intensify those insecurities.
While OP’s comparison may have been meant to help her partner understand how it feels, the situation is more complex than just the size of their bodies. The key issue here is that OP has expressed discomfort about her partner’s repeated comments regarding her body.
She has made it clear that she’s happy with her appearance and doesn’t want to change it. Repeatedly bringing up physical appearance, especially in a way that suggests dissatisfaction, can undermine someone’s confidence and damage the relationship.
It seems that OP’s partner needs to understand that body image is a sensitive topic and that, even if he’s making these comments out of preference or desire for her to change, the approach isn’t respectful of her boundaries.
Similarly, OP should communicate more directly about her feelings, without resorting to comparisons, to avoid making her partner feel like he’s being judged or criticized.
OP is not necessarily an a__hole for trying to communicate how she feels, but it’s important to approach these discussions with sensitivity.
Instead of comparing body insecurities, OP could have expressed her discomfort more directly by saying something like:
“I’ve told you how I feel about my body, and it’s hurtful when you continue to bring it up. I don’t want to change it, and I’d appreciate it if you respected that.”
This would have communicated her feelings in a way that doesn’t invite defensiveness or hurt feelings, while also clearly setting boundaries around body talk in the relationship.
Ultimately, it’s about fostering mutual respect and understanding. Both partners need to feel comfortable and valued for who they are, and body comments, especially when they’re unsolicited, can be damaging.
Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:
This group focused on the manipulative nature of his comments
These users shared personal anecdotes about men who “could dish it out but couldn’t take it”
These Redditors addressed the false equivalence he tried to claim
This group was blunt about the future of the relationship
This story is a masterclass in “Constructive Criticism vs. Mutually Assured Destruction.” On one side, we have a boyfriend who thinks “pillow talk” is the appropriate time to deliver a performance review on his partner’s anatomy.
By repeatedly suggesting “booty workouts,” he’s treating the OP’s body like a customizable avatar in a video game rather than a human being.
On the other side, we have the OP, who decided that if he wanted to play the “Size Matters” game, she was going to bring the scoreboard.
The husband’s defense, that a butt is “changeable” while a penis is “permanent”, is a classic bit of logical gymnastics.
While technically true in a gym setting, it completely ignores the emotional reality: criticizing someone’s body during intimacy is a fast track to killing the mood, regardless of whether that body part can do squats.
By pointing out his “below average” situation, the OP didn’t just provide a parallel; she dropped a nuclear truth bomb on the one insecurity he thought was protected by a double standard.
Is the OP a “Relatable Rebel” for giving him a taste of his own medicine, or did she overplay her hand by attacking an unchangeable trait?
Does the “you can just work out” excuse give someone a pass to be a jerk about their partner’s body, or is a critique a critique no matter the muscle group? Drop your hot takes!
