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Man Refuses To Call Himself Irish After American Roommate Insists He Embrace Ancestry

by Leona Pham
November 10, 2025
in Social Issues

We all know someone who loves to claim their heritage as a badge of honor, even if it’s a distant connection. But what happens when that pride crosses the line into telling others how to identify?

This Redditor found himself caught in an awkward situation when his American housemate started introducing him as “Irish,” even though he’s clearly English. When he refused to go along with the label, things got tense. Scroll down to see how one innocent conversation about ancestry turned into a family identity clash.

A man refuses to call himself Irish, upsetting his American roommate

Man Refuses To Call Himself Irish After American Roommate Insists He Embrace Ancestry
not the actual photo

'AITA for not being Irish?'

I have Irish great, great grandparents. I live in England, as has all of my relatives since 1910.

I have recently started to have an American live with me, and she introduces herself to people as "Irish".

Now, I know Americans do this weird thing where they believe they are where their ancestors came from.

We Europeans find this hilarious, but what ya gonna do?. Recently, I have been researching my family history and she got involved.

She is now saying that I should go around saying I am "Irish" otherwise it is disrespectful to my ancestors.

The problem is I am not Irish. I am English. I don't know Irish culture. I have never been to Ireland. I am English.

I would argue she isn't Irish either since she has never been to Ireland nor knows Irish culture but still, she can introduce herself however she wants.

She is getting incredibly upset that I am refusing to say I am Irish and she has even started to introduce me as her Irish friend.

I told her to stop, and she got annoyed

I mean, where do you draw the line on ancestors anyway?

Should I introduce myself as African before all my ancestors started out in Africa? No. So, AITA for not saying I am Irish?

Identity is a deeply personal concept, shaped by various layers of culture, geography, and upbringing. While some cultures embrace the idea of “ethnic pride” based on ancestry, especially when generations are removed from the homeland, this doesn’t always translate well across different cultural contexts.

In the U.S., many people identify strongly with their ancestral roots, even if those roots are generations old, as a way of creating a unique personal identity within a “melting pot” society. This is reflected in the desire of Americans to say they’re “Irish” or “Italian,” for example, even if they’ve never been to the respective countries.

However, in European countries like the UK, identity tends to be more tied to nationality and citizenship rather than bloodlines. In this context, an Englishman might feel no attachment to Irish identity simply because their distant relatives came from Ireland.

As one expert from Psychology Today notes that the concept of ethnic identity in Europe is often less fluid, bound more to geography and culture than distant ancestry.

The OP’s decision to reject the Irish label could stem from a sense of pride in their own identity as English, which is no less legitimate than someone choosing to identify as Irish due to their family’s past.

According to sociologist Dr. David O’CONNOR, “Ancestral heritage can be a powerful tool for forming one’s identity, but it’s crucial that individuals are not forced into it, especially when the connection is distant or unclear.” This holds especially true when one’s cultural practices and language are miles apart from that heritage.

If I were in OP’s shoes, I’d feel equally frustrated. It’s one thing to be proud of your Irish heritage, but it’s another entirely to impose that pride on someone else, especially when they’ve never felt a part of it. OP’s refusal is not a rejection of Irishness; it’s a firm stance on defining one’s identity based on personal experience, not bloodlines.

Here’s how people reacted to the post:

These Redditors backed the idea that claiming Irish heritage without a direct connection is laughable

[Reddit User] − NTA As an Irish person I can safely say you are right. She’s not Irish nor are you.

Americans give themselves a bad name claiming to be Irish due to a vague ancestry.

acetrainerjayce − NTA She is. And she's about as Irish as Queen Elizabeth. She can f__k off with her bulkshit, frankly.

Primaveranights − NTA. Here in Ireland we'd make fun of her and call her a "Plastic Paddy" as in, fake Irish.

She's not even Irish herself so the idea she can take over and decide who is and isn't Irish is laughable.

cynical-mage − NTA, and yes, to us Europeans, it's a very weird thing lol.

When you are that far removed from [insert ancestry], have spent generations raised in England, or America, Canada, whatever,

I don't understand why the need to preface your nationality with that ancestry? Maybe some US people can explain it, genuinely curious and looking to understand?

This group highlighted the cultural differences between Americans and Europeans in defining identity based on nationality and citizenship, rather than ancestry

spriggan75 − NTA. I think this is about context. It is annoying when Americans do this but it’s at least consistent. They all understand what it means.

In Europe if you say you’re Irish then it means you are literally from Ireland. In a way this is a cultural or language difference between us and the US.

She’s refusing to adapt to the fact that things are done differently here and that’s just obnoxious.

Frodijr − NTA - Source: Am an Irish person born, raised and living in Ireland.

Tell your roommate even Irish people aren't on her side and that she's American, not Irish

Lvtxyz − Just tell her this "in America you define your ethnicity based on your ancestors and your DNA.

In Europe we define our ethnicity based on our language and citizenship.

So to me, I'm not Irish because I don't have Irish citizenship nor live in Ireland nor speak Irish (nor do I have an Irish accent) nor participate in Irish...

If you identify as Irish, based on your heritage, that's fine. But that's not how I do it nor how most Europeans do it."

Edit: based on some comments below I would edit this to " in America you define your identity

based on your ethnicity from your ancestors and your DNA and some inherited culture.

In Europe we define our identity based on our nationality, including language, culture, and citizenship.

So to me, I'm not Irish because I don't have Irish citizenship nor live in Ireland nor speak Irish (nor do I have an Irish accent).

If you identify as Irish, based on your ancestors, that's fine. But that's not how I do it nor how most Europeans do it."

These users empathized with the complexity of ethnic identity and the challenges of others telling you how to identify culturally

DerTW13 − NTA, you're English. I never got why a lot of Americans do that, especially combined with patriotism.

"I'm Irish. And I'm from the greatest country in the world, the US of A."

WranglerFeisty8274 − I am brown, of Indian descent, but my great-great grandfather immigrated to NZ in 1907.

However, because I’m brown everyone says I can’t solely call myself a New Zealander.

On forms there are also no options for NZer besides NZ European/NZ Pākeha (Pākeha means white person).

But I also see the contradiction of people who moved to NZ yesterday and their kids identify as NZ European/NZ Pākeha because they’re white.

So I can kind of understand where your American roommate is coming from but she should definitely not be pushing/forcing you.

Amiedeslivres − NTA. She doesn’t get to tell you what culture to identify with. Be English. Enjoy. Chill with the generalizations, though.

American culture is not a monolith. I’m Lebanese-American. My dad loved and missed his home.

I’ve waked up to the 3am phone calls when yet another cousin got shot in the civil war.

I’ve worked at learning Arabic, dad taught me to cook, I put daily effort into staying in touch with extended family.

I show up with warak ainab or nammura at everything.

I’ve been held up in airports because of my last name and witnessed discrimination against my brown father.

Kids at school asked me why I was eating cockroaches when I brought dates in my lunch.

I didn’t have the same American life as the kids with two white Anglophone parents.

I get to navigate being queer through extra layers of cultural and family resistance. I’m not Lebanese but nobody gets to tell me I’m ‘just’ American.

These Redditors discussed how the concept of identity in the U.S. is tied to immigrant backgrounds, traditions, and the “melting pot” culture, with some drawbacks

kilmoremac − NTA as an Irish person we appreciate you not pretending you are Irish.

I always wonder Americans actually don't like being Americans and thats why they claim heritage they personally don't have

i_declareathumbwar − NTA, there is a lot more to ethnicity, citizenship and country of origin then just where your ancestors came from.

It's where you live, were raised, and where you feel like you were from.

Wrong-Construction40 − NTA, though if you want the "why" people from north America do that,

it's because the nations of Canada and the USA are only about 200 years old and primarily populated by immigrants and the decendents of immigrants,

so knowing and having personal traditions from your flavour of immigrant is an element of the "melting pot" culture

(with huge swaths of racism, white supremacy and xenophobia that punish POC because people are inconsistently consistent)

that doesn't seem to translate to other parts of the world.

Add to that that the kinda folks that loudly declare they are AMERICANS and not FORIGNERS are not the kinda folks reasonable people

want to be associated with (many people who say they are just Americans are fine, most even, but squeaky wheel).

People are genuinely delighted when I use Yorkshire words my mum and grandma passed down to me (tooshiepegs being the consistent favourite).

Some people are annoying about it though, even to the reat of us. She is one of those people.

This commenter humorously pointed out that both the original poster and the roommate aren’t Irish

AhhhhBiscuits − NTA You’re not Irish. And neither is she. American’s just wish they were coz we’re awesome.

So, where do you stand on the whole “ethnicity by ancestry” debate? Was OP right to shut down the pressure to adopt an Irish identity, or did they miss an opportunity to honor their roots? Share your thoughts below, and let’s unpack this complicated cultural issue!

Leona Pham

Leona Pham

Hi, I'm Leona. I'm a writer for Daily Highlight and have had my work published in a variety of other media outlets. I'm also a New York-based author, and am always interested in new opportunities to share my work with the world. When I'm not writing, I enjoy spending time with my family and friends. Thanks for reading!

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