Divorce usually means separating lives, finances, and future obligations as cleanly as possible. I think that is why it feels especially strange when an ex suddenly reappears years later and argues that your current success somehow creates a new debt to them.
One 31-year-old Redditor found himself facing exactly that situation after unexpectedly running into his first ex-wife, Lisa, while visiting his hometown. A casual conversation revealed that he was now doing very well financially, and by the next day she had sent him a request for $200,000 to help fund IVF and surrogacy.
Then, somehow, his second ex-wife entered the picture too and asked for another $100,000 to cover her car and credit card debt. Both women believed his present success was partly built during their marriages. Scroll down to see whether Reddit thought that argument held any weight.
A successful man is stunned when both ex-wives demand money years after their marriages ended
Guilt can linger long after a relationship ends, especially when someone believes they could have been a better partner. That seems to be the emotional vulnerability underneath this story. The OP openly admits that he was emotionally unavailable at times, overly focused on the future, and imperfect in both marriages.
Because he already carried some responsibility for those failures, the sudden requests for $200,000 and $100,000 did not simply sound outrageous. They touched an old question he had apparently been asking himself for years: *Do I still owe these women something because I hurt them?*
That distinction matters. His ex-wives appear to connect his current financial success with the years they spent beside him, while he sees his present wealth as something established after both divorces were settled. Psychologically, people often construct different narratives around the same relationship.
One person may remember sacrifice and lost opportunity; another remembers financial support, incompatibility, and a clean legal separation.
Those competing stories can make money feel symbolic. The requests may represent not just cash, but compensation for disappointment, fertility grief, debt, or a belief that they helped build a life they no longer get to enjoy.
A less obvious perspective is that the OP’s greatest risk may not be selfishness, but over-responsibility. Because he already recognizes his shortcomings, he could confuse remorse with a permanent obligation to repair every consequence that followed the marriages.
Yet regret and financial liability are fundamentally different. Someone can acknowledge, “I should have treated you better,” without concluding, “Therefore I must finance your life indefinitely.”
Psychologist Leon F. Seltzer has written about post-divorce guilt in Psychology Today, noting that some former spouses feel compelled to keep making emotional concessions or performing a kind of “penance” because they continue to blame themselves for the marriage ending.
That guilt can make separation psychologically incomplete even after the legal relationship has ended. More broadly, psychologist Rachel Orleck explains that healthy boundaries define what people are and are not willing to give within relationships; endlessly saying yes out of discomfort can eventually undermine well-being rather than create genuine fairness.
Those ideas fit the OP’s dilemma. Therapy and self-reflection can help him take responsibility for his past behavior without converting that accountability into an unlimited financial debt.
Lisa’s reproductive struggles are deeply painful, and Sara’s financial difficulties may be genuine. Compassion for either woman, however, does not automatically make him responsible for funding IVF, surrogacy, a vehicle, or credit-card balances years after their divorces.
His most useful next move is probably the least dramatic one: keep the legal settlements, financial records, and messages, stop debating the morality of the requests, and maintain the boundary he has already set. If harassment continues, professional legal guidance is more useful than another argument.
Growing from a failed marriage means learning what to do differently next time. It does not require paying lifelong damages for every regret left behind.
Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:
These users said the ex-wives are not entitled to any more of OP’s money
These commenters joked that OP’s marriage history suggests he should avoid marrying again.
These commenters urged OP to say no, block both women, and move on completely
Do the ex-wives have a moral argument because they shared the years that helped shape his success, or does divorce mean everyone’s future wins and losses become their own? And would anyone seriously consider financing an ex’s IVF with her new husband?
