Every parent knows the impossible tug-of-war between keeping promises and handling emergencies. But what happens when both “priorities” fall on the same day? One mother on Reddit found herself cornered when her daughter’s long-awaited school trip clashed with her autistic son’s school play.
She had promised weeks earlier to chaperone the trip, but news of her son’s event came late, and she worried he’d be inconsolable if she didn’t attend. Her daughter, however, was devastated, accusing her mom of once again putting her brother first. The internet’s verdict? Far from sympathetic. Want to know why readers are so fired up? Let’s dig into the details.
One mom cancels her commitment to chaperone her daughter’s school field trip to attend her nonverbal autistic son’s play
The OP’s dilemma is clear: an 11-year-old daughter who counted on her mom being there for a school trip, and a 9-year-old autistic son who may become inconsolable if she misses his school play. Both children want her presence, but only one parent can be in two places at once.
Why the conflict escalates is easy to understand. The daughter interprets the cancellation as yet another instance where her brother’s needs eclipse her own.
The mother sees her son’s likely meltdown as an unavoidable crisis that requires her presence. In reality, both are right from their perspectives: one is navigating disappointment, the other is bracing for dysregulation.
Research confirms this isn’t an isolated case. A 2022 study published in Pediatrics found that siblings of children with autism are at higher risk of anxiety and feelings of neglect due to disproportionate parental attention.
Dr. Susan McHale, a professor of human development at Penn State, puts it succinctly: “Parents often underestimate how much children notice the distribution of attention. Even small imbalances can have lasting effects on sibling relationships and self-esteem.”
What complicates this further is the concept of “parentification,” where neurotypical siblings of special-needs children may feel responsible for managing their own disappointment in silence. If OP’s daughter perceives a pattern where promises are broken for her but not for her brother, resentment may grow well into adulthood.
So what’s the constructive path? OP might consider:
- Honoring prior commitments when possible. Since the field trip was promised weeks ago, the daughter sees this as a broken trust, not just a scheduling conflict.
- Delegating or finding creative solutions. Could Dad take time off or attend the play on lunch break? Could the play be recorded so OP and son can watch together later, turning it into a shared bonding moment?
- Communicating openly. Acknowledging to her daughter: “I know I’ve disappointed you, and your needs matter just as much as your brother’s.” This simple validation helps rebuild trust.
Here’s how people reacted to the post:
Most of Reddit users agreed OP was the jerk, emphasizing the daughter’s long-term resentment over the son’s fleeting distress
The daughter saw her mother’s broken promise as favoritism, while the son’s needs framed the decision in urgency. Both children had valid claims, but only one got the parent’s presence.
So, what do you think? Should the mom have honored her prior promise, even if it meant her son had a meltdown? Or was she right to pivot when her child with autism needed her most? Share your hot takes below!
