Parenting is never easy, and parenting as a teenager while juggling poverty and survival is even harder. One mom turned to Reddit after her 28-year-old daughter accused her of being a “horrible mother” for giving her younger siblings the kind of comfortable childhood she never had.
The mom insists she did her best raising her daughter while working through debt, but her daughter feels shortchanged compared to her siblings who now enjoy vacations, Broadway shows, and bigger birthdays. The question is: how many apologies are enough, and when does a parent get to stop carrying guilt?
One mom thought she’d done her best, but her adult daughter clearly disagreed
The mother (OP) had her daughter, CJ, at 17, while financially unstable, and later built a more comfortable life with a new partner and younger children. CJ now finds herself grappling with comparisons that re-open old wounds, while OP feels she has already acknowledged the struggle and cannot continue apologizing indefinitely.
Psychologists often describe this as a form of “sibling disparity resentment” when children in the same family experience unequal resources, support, or stability due to life-stage changes in the parents.
Research published in the Journal of Family Psychology shows that unequal treatment, even when unintentional, can lead to long-term strain between parents and children. For CJ, the issue may not be just material goods but also the emotional reality of feeling like she grew up in “survival mode” while her siblings get to enjoy stability.
Dr. Joshua Coleman, a psychologist who specializes in family estrangement, explains: “When parents move into a better stage of life and give more to younger children, older children can feel that their pain is being minimized. Their parent may feel grateful for survival, but the child may feel cheated out of a fuller childhood”.
CJ’s repeated references to her sparse birthdays or “struggle meals” suggest that she is still processing grief for what she missed, not just making petty remarks.
That said, her method of voicing these feelings, bringing it up during her little brother’s birthday dinner, was harmful.
According to family therapist Virginia Satir, timing and context are critical in resolving family tensions: “Feelings need acknowledgment, but when they’re expressed as blame or comparison, they shut down communication instead of building it”. CJ’s pain is valid, but her approach risks alienating her siblings and reinforcing the very distance she fears.
For OP, the healthiest path forward is not more repeated apologies, but structured dialogue. Family therapy could help both mother and daughter recognize the difference between intent and impact. OP did her best with limited means, yet CJ’s feelings of loss are genuine.
Instead of shutting down the conversation when CJ raises it, OP might say: “I hear that your childhood felt unfair. I can’t change the past, but I want to keep showing up for you now.” That shifts the focus from defense to connection.
These are the responses from Reddit users:
Commenters applauded the mom, praising her resilience as a teenage parent and saying CJ should recognize the love and sacrifices, not just the financial gaps
These Redditors took a softer view, labeling it “NAH” (no one’s at fault)
This story hits where family wounds run deepest between what parents did out of survival and what children still carry decades later. The mother feels she can’t keep apologizing, while her daughter insists the past isn’t something to “move on” from.
Do you think the daughter has the right to bring it up endlessly, or should there be a point where past struggles stop defining the present? And if you were in the mother’s shoes, would you handle it with firm boundaries or constant acknowledgment? Share your hot takes below!
