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Mom Declines to Intervene After Son is Accused of Ableism in High School Study Group

by Carolyn Mullet
January 20, 2026
in Social Issues

Have you ever witnessed a simple disagreement turn into a neighborhood-wide debate? It seems like school projects and study schedules are often the backdrop for some of the biggest family misunderstandings. One mother found herself in the middle of a very heated phone call after her son decided to enforce the rules of his private study group.

The conflict involves a group of dedicated teenagers who spent hours preparing detailed notes for each other. When a friend tried to introduce a new member who allegedly could not contribute the same amount of work, the group structure began to wobble. What started as a small vote of “no” quickly escalated into accusations that have parents and neighbors picking sides in what looks like a classic high school drama.

The Story

Mom Declines to Intervene After Son is Accused of Ableism in High School Study Group
Not the actual photo

AITA for refusing to intervene against my son’s supposed ableism?

Just a while ago, the mother of my son’s (S) (15m) former friend (A) called me up saying that my son

broke up his entire friend group because he was too ableist to accept A’s cousin being in it. It seemed serious

so I asked S what it was about here’s what he said: Some of his friends and he had a very

intense study group of nine members. They would each prepare notes, reading material, summaries, guides, mock tests and share

it among the whole group. His friend A wanted to introduce his cousin C, who is dyslexic and has ASD,

to the group. He said he can’t contribute anything but would really benefit from the support and help.

These kids had a rule that anyone could veto new members. So S vetoed it because he found it

unfair that C would get to have the benefits of the group without putting in any work. A got mad,

and wanted to have a vote to expel S from the group, which succeeded (5 out of 9 members supported it).

In protest, the other three left the group and decided to start their own with S. Two kids from A’s

side have since apologized to S and joined the new group. I found the whole thing immature and childish

(because they are children) but nothing about it is ableist because the group had a purpose and C couldn’t

fulfil that purpose. The rest of it is teenage drama that I’m not overbearing enough to interfere with.

So I called up A’s mom and told her it’s not my business and it ideally shouldn’t be hers

either and she’s saying I’m letting S get away with being ableist and willing to burn down bridges

just to remain ableist, and that I should be ashamed of his behavior. I do think S should’ve

maybe been open to helping C, I just think it’s really petty whatever happened after that and not something I should interfere with.

This story feels like a difficult balance of two very different viewpoints. On one hand, you have kids trying to build a system where everyone helps everyone equally. On the other hand, there is a student who could really benefit from that hard work. It is always tricky when a parent is asked to police their teenager’s social choices.

I personally feel for everyone involved in this circle. It is never easy for a teen to feel left out of a group of friends. At the same time, teenagers are often very protective of the work they do during their limited free time. This situation highlights how tough it can be to navigate friendship when heavy schoolwork is on the line.

Expert Opinion

Understanding how groups work can help us see why this situation became so intense. Many sociologists look at something called the Social Exchange Theory. This theory suggests that people stay in groups as long as the benefits outweigh the effort they put in. For these teenagers, their primary benefit was receiving high-quality notes from each of their peers.

When that balance changes, it can create a feeling of frustration among the members. According to research cited by Healthline, feeling like a group is unfair can lead to a lot of stress for young people. They often use rules like the “veto” to feel like they have a say in their own environment and workload.

At the same time, it is important to talk about how we view disability in academic settings. Some people might assume that having a learning difference means a person cannot contribute at all. This is a common misconception often addressed by organizations like the National Center for Learning Disabilities. It is quite possible that the cousin had many unique strengths to offer.

Experts at VeryWellMind emphasize the importance of healthy social boundaries for teens. Dr. Elizabeth Scott often shares that setting boundaries in a social group helps teens learn how to manage their time and effort as they grow into adults. While kindness is a virtue, teens are also learning that they are not always responsible for the academic success of everyone else.

The situation becomes even more complicated when parents get involved. Research shows that interfering too much in teen friendships can actually slow down their ability to solve their own problems. It seems that this mother’s choice to let the boys work it out among themselves follows gentle advice for encouraging independence. It is a soft reminder that growing up often involves these bumpy and uncomfortable learning moments.

Community Opinions

Netizens really jumped in with some strong opinions on how school groups should handle participation and support during busy study seasons.

Readers felt that a private group with specific rules has the right to choose its members based on contributions.

jwjnthrowawaykfeiofj − NTA There is of course nothing wrong with A volunteering his own time to help his cousin,

but he can't voluntell the study group to volunteer their time and effort to support and help his cousin. This is apart from any issues the cousin has.

Mkyi − NTA Your son's group had an equal input/output between all the members.

Adding someone in without them providing puts more work on everyone else... quite frankly, it sucks ass.

NetworkElf − If you're going to form a group to serve a specific purpose and that group has specific participation rules,

then it is not ableist to exclude someone who cannot participate according to said rules.

Many pointed out that the cousin was presented as a “burden” by his own family member rather than a peer.

[Reddit User] − I'll go with NTA. Regardless of what C could contribute, A made him out as a resource leech while everyone else worked hard.

A was the connection to C, and therefore the one responsible for introducing him.

AwayEntrance − NTA as a dyslexic person who struggled in school I'd hate to be part of a group my cousin forced to accept me

especially after he's explicitly told them that I would be a liability.

Substantial_Plum3460 − The issue if I was your son... would be that if someone doesn't even try, or tries to join by saying "

oh I can't do anything, but please help me" without even willing to try, is a big no no for me.

Commenters discussed whether excluding someone for a lack of work is the same as excluding them for their condition.

junegemini808 − NTA it's not ableist for the group to have rules about participation.

If the person can't contribute to group work they shouldn't reap the benefits of the group.

annoyedCDNthrowaway − NTA. It's not S & his friends job to be C's unpaid tutors. Would it have been wonderful if they had agreed?

Sure. But if C was struggling as much as indicated... his mom should have worked with the school to get him real help.

LitherLily − NTA - if the cousin was in a wheelchair and wanted to join your son’s long jump club would he still be in the wrong?

Support for letting kids solve their own problems: A few users liked that the mother was giving her son the space to manage his own social fallout.

an0nym0uswr1ter − NTA... they are not children. They have to learn to work out their differences and disagreements on their own.

How to Navigate a Situation Like This

Navigating these situations with your teenager requires a lot of listening and a little bit of patience. It can be helpful to encourage your child to ask more questions before saying no to a new member of their group. Perhaps they could ask if there are different ways for everyone to help out. This keeps the lines of communication open and soft.

At the same time, it is okay to let your kids feel the consequences of their social choices. If a friendship is struggling, they will learn more by finding their own path to a compromise. Support them by being a soft place for them to land when things get loud at school. Teaching them to explain their rules kindly can often prevent these misunderstandings from turning into larger family arguments.

Conclusion

This story leaves us all thinking about where to draw the line between following rules and offering a helping hand. These boys certainly learned a lot about group dynamics and the weight of their own decisions this month. It is a delicate journey that every teenager goes through as they grow.

What would you do if your child’s study group became a source of neighborhood tension? Is a rule-based study group the right place for charity, or should that support happen somewhere else? Let us know your thoughts on this interesting situation.

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THIS STORY?

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THIS STORY?

OP Is Not The AH (NTA) 0/0 votes | 0%
OP Is Definitely The AH (YTA) 0/0 votes | 0%
No One Is The AH Here (NAH) 0/0 votes | 0%
Everybody Sucks Here (ESH) 0/0 votes | 0%
Need More INFO (INFO) 0/0 votes | 0%

Carolyn Mullet

Carolyn Mullet

Carolyn Mullet is in charge of planning and content process management, business development, social media, strategic partnership relations, brand building, and PR for DailyHighlight. Before joining Dailyhighlight, she served as the Vice President of Editorial Development at Aubtu Today, and as a senior editor at various magazines and media agencies.

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