A generous parent gifted their daughter a car, rent-free living, therapy bills, only asking she pass a few college classes. Instead she’s bombing courses, trashing her room, and club-hopping like it’s overtime. One post-party fender-bender after a double shift pushed Mom over the edge: “Stop weaponizing depression as an excuse.”
Cue floods of tears, screams of feeling “useless,” and full nuclear meltdown. Reddit’s split like a cracked windshield, roasting the enabling harder than exhaust fumes. Some salute the brutal wake-up, others blast ignoring mental health red flags. Tough love just collided with therapy, sparking savage cage matches over excuses, effort, and parental limits.
Parent confronts daughter over depression excuses as college and chores collapse, hidden ADHD suspected.
Look, we’ve all had that friend who claims they’re “too depressed” to do laundry but somehow finds the energy for bottomless brunch. For our Redditor parent, having an adult child’s mental-health struggles head-on is a whole sitcom season of awkward.
At first glance, the daughter’s behavior screams classic young-adult chaos: gifted kid hits college, structure disappears, motivation evaporates. But dig a little deeper and the comment section lit up like a Christmas tree with one word: ADHD, specifically the inattentive type that flies under the radar in smart girls until adulthood hits them like a truck.
Clinical psychologist Dr. Kathleen Nadeau, co-author of Understanding Women with AD/HD, explains: “Many bright women with ADHD coast through school on raw intellect until the demands increase and executive functioning skills are required. Then they crash, feel defective, and depression often follows because they know they’re capable but can’t figure out why they can’t ‘just do it.’” Sound familiar?
A 2023 study in the Journal of Attention Disorders found that women are diagnosed with ADHD an average of 7–10 years later than men, and gifted females are the most likely to be missed entirely.
Untreated, they chase dopamine wherever they can find it: concerts, friends, late-night drives, while chores, deadlines, and future planning feel physically painful. The brain literally starves for stimulation, so “fun” things get done and “boring but important” things rot in the mental inbox.
Add in possible depression (which often rides shotgun with ADHD), and you’ve got a perfect storm. The car accident and talk of “if I die tomorrow at least I enjoyed life” understandably terrified the parent and many professionals would flag that as urgent. The American Psychiatric Association urges immediate evaluation when someone mixes hopelessness with reckless behavior.
So what’s a loving parent to do? First, gently pivot from “stop using it as an excuse” to “let’s get you the right diagnosis and the right tools.”
A proper psychiatric evaluation (not just talk therapy) can clarify whether medication, ADHD coaching, or a combo is needed. Behavioral strategies, like body-doubling (FaceTiming a friend while both doing dishes) or breaking “empty the dishwasher” into five micro-tasks with tiny rewards, sound ridiculous until they actually work.
Bottom line: this isn’t laziness, and it’s probably not manipulation. It’s a brain wiring issue that therapy alone might not be fixing. Compassion plus action beats tough love here, because the stakes are higher than a messy room or a dented bumper.
Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:
Some suggest the daughter likely has undiagnosed ADHD, often masked in gifted women until college.
Some share personal stories of being misdiagnosed with depression when it was actually ADHD or AuDHD.
Some urge immediate psychiatric evaluation and possible medication beyond just therapy.
Some warn that untreated ADHD plus depression can lead to suicidal ideation and must be taken seriously.
Some argue depression doesn’t fully explain her behavior and she may be using it as an excuse.
This Redditor’s cry for help shows just how blurry the line can get between genuine struggle and learned helplessness, especially when the brain might be wired in ways nobody spotted yet.
Do you think the parent’s frustration was fair after years of support, or did the “stop using depression as an excuse” moment cross the line? Would you push for an ADHD screening tomorrow, or set harder boundaries first? Drop your take below, we’re all ears!
